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Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/14/2008 6:43:00 PM
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_CANCELLED_
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I'm no saint as a partner and I'm definitely not a female mysogynist but I have noticed that many women--even those who choose to stay home with the kids and maintain the home--want it all and everything else from a man these days; for him to have a good paying job, to come home and do housework, yard work, play with the children, change the diapers, etc. after working all day. Plus, they seem to think he should instinctively know what she wants without being told, i.e., "If you loved me I wouldn't have to tell you what I want--you'd just know". The latter, I find the worst of all.
I'd like to know if this plays a factor in so many break-ups today--if you and/or friends have experienced this and if so, how do you handle it?
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/14/2008 6:51:05 PM
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ChoirDJ
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You can't necessarily say that anything applies to all women because that wouldn't be fair or true. I have come across a few women who fit the description in the OP and let me just say I find that type of woman extremely unattractive. I would be running the other direction at the first signs of such an attitude.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/14/2008 8:23:02 PM
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jazzlvr
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I am not married and I never have been. But I am responding according to what I have observed among my married friends and I will emphasize what ChoirDJ said, this doesn't apply to all women.
So with that caveat in mind, I will say that most of the women I know are too demanding of themselves and that, by it's very nature, spills over into their expectations of their husbands and children. They have this desire to be the domestic goddess, the ultimate business women and Supermom all wrapped in one stressfree, well-dressed and made-up content happy package. Then she blames her husband for not being ambitious enough at work, not being home enough, not helping her around the house enough, not spending enough time with the children, not spending enough time wth her and not understanding her problems, not knowing what she wants, when she wants it, where she wants it and why she wants it and then getting angry at him for not knowing it without her telling him.
It spills over onto the children also. One of the men in my small group was recounting an incident and getting advice on how to handle it. He told us that his wife is frequently angry at the children for not learning to do things for themselves instead of bothering her with things all the time. One afternoon, one of their kids spilled a whole jug of milk trying to make a bowl of cereal for herself and his wife exploded because the child knew better than to do it for herself. This had his daughter confused and upset because she gets in trouble for not doing for herself and then she got in trouble because she tried to do for herself. Then my friend comes home from work and finds his wife is mad the kids are upset and he doesn't know what's going on even though his wife is demanding he do something about it.
Are women too bossy and demanding? The species as a whole? Yes. Each one individually? No.
_____________________________
Larry
Isaiah 55:8-9
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. declares the Lord
9 As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/15/2008 1:10:55 AM
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willfs
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I am not married. I have been involved with two extremely bossy women but I figured it was because of my choice in women. But my first reaction to your post was that bossiness is NOT one of those things that applies to all women and I saw that I wasn't the only one. Are all guys _____. Fill in the blank: jerks, insensitive, too sensitive, perverts,....etc... You can't blanket label men or women.
I then read Jazzlvr's post and agree with him as well. I always thought that women who use guilt to manipulate people, such as some moms, do so because they themselves are plaqued by guilt. It would stand to reason that those who stress themselves out do so because they feel stressed. Just look at your post:
"want it all and everything else from a man these days; for him to have a good paying job, to come home and do housework, yard work, play with the children, change the diapers, etc. after working all day. Plus, they seem to think he should instinctively know what she wants"
Doesn't society ask women to do all and be all; for her to have a good paying job, to come home and do housework, yard work, play with the children, change the diapers, etc. after working all day. Plus, they seem to think she should instinctively know what her husband wants"
The ladies I mentioned earlier seemed to act that way and seemed to expect it of others.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/15/2008 4:40:53 PM
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9drtr
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It seems to me that it has become socially acceptable for women to become bullies. Women get away with making demands that would get a man in very deep trouble under any circumstances. There is one woman in particular at work who regularly browbeats co-workers, yells at people, and has the occasional temper tantrum. She gets lectures about it; if I did any of that I'd be fired. Women in general are no longer held to a civilized social standard, and some like it.
Women are not too bossy, but some certainly are, and for some reason no one is allowed to censure them for it.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/15/2008 5:48:34 PM
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buckifn
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Of course nobody fits in the same category just because they are male or female...but for those women who are bossy and demanding I can only say I hope someday they realize how much they are missing out on who God has called them to be.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/16/2008 8:18:46 AM
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vajent
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As others have said, not all women are bossy. But I think there's a good bit of truth to the idear that quite a number of women today (and no shortage of men too) have lost the ability to discern make-or-break stuff from less essential stuff. It seems like more and more, people are elevating just about everything into do-or-die issues, and that's simply a warped reality. A 'demanding' or 'bossy' partner is often one result of this, and it's often followed by relationship breakup. As someone who has worked with couples, I am astounded at the often frivolous reasons why people give each other a hard time and don't stay together, even in the church. They have completely lost Paul's mandate to persevere with each other and bear one another's burdens, and have replaced it with the Burger King 'Have it your own way' approach to life. Well, a good relationship is a little different than a good burger, to put it nicely.
Bossy and demanding people are just a byproduct of the ultra individualistic and empowerment society we live in. Unfortunately, the church has bought it hook line and sinker, and that's why our relationship statistics resemble the world's.
_____________________________
JFF
http://jasonffoster.blogspot.com
Whatever the heart most desires, the mind justifies, and the will chooses.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/16/2008 11:05:14 AM
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ChoirDJ
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After further consideration, I think we men have to take some responsibility for the dynamics we create in a relationship. The flip side of women being bossy would be men being too unassertive, passive, and wussy, which leads many women to feel insecure about our leadership. I don't think a lot of women want to take over the man's role in a relationship but there's a reasonable fear that important things will slip through the cracks if they don't.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/16/2008 1:30:34 PM
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APZR
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Spoiled as a child can make for a fussy, selfish demanding wimp as an adult... and this is true for both sexes!
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Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/16/2008 2:57:28 PM
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DreadPirateRandy
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Bossy and demanding? Maybe sometimes.
Sassy and overly autonomous? Definitely.
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The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/16/2008 10:05:04 PM
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sign4Him316
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I think it depends on the woman : her personality (if she's very A type... works endlessly until she feels satisfied), how she was raised (if she is bossy and demanding... she probably got away with a lot being spoiled and getting exactly what SHE wants as a child/teenager and when she is told NO), and how she has been taught by the world/schools/workforce to perceive the way the women should be (feminism, for example).
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/17/2008 11:58:52 AM
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realist_man
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I can only speak from my own experience, but I would have to say yes.
< Message edited by realist_man -- 6/17/2008 12:05:33 PM >
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/17/2008 5:25:11 PM
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evryknee
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I think that is part of the curse.."Your desire wil be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Gen 3:18. Maybe it is that women want to be in charge, have it their way and positionally be in charge over the man...or, just the sinful nature that is bent on pleasing self.
But no, not all women are bossy, but many want it their way (as do men) - thus the conflicts (Ja. 4:1).
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/17/2008 7:15:20 PM
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sylvan
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I encounter a lot of bossy people in general. Speaking in terms of women and relationships, I think of Proverbs 14:1 - "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."
Many woman tear their houses down. They tear their husbands down. They compare his accomplishments (or usually assets) with those of other families. They focus on what he is not doing, instead of what he is doing. I've met many women like this and they just need to shift their focus.
It is true some men need a "nudge", but it should always be done with love and respect.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/17/2008 7:17:10 PM
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DreadPirateRandy
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quote:
ORIGINAL: YZGUY
I think that is part of the curse.."Your desire wil be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Gen 3:18. Maybe it is that women want to be in charge, have it their way and positionally be in charge over the man...
In our society today, the leader role is reversed. Women are now stepping into the position of what God created man to be, and men are left being submissive and cowards.
What a stupid society.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/17/2008 8:46:46 PM
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sylvan
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
quote:
ORIGINAL: YZGUY
I think that is part of the curse.."Your desire wil be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Gen 3:18. Maybe it is that women want to be in charge, have it their way and positionally be in charge over the man...
In our society today, the leader role is reversed. Women are now stepping into the position of what God created man to be, and men are left being submissive and cowards.
What a stupid society.
If men spent less time being angry at women (and whinning) and more time "understanding" women, there shouldn't be a problem...and vice versa.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/20/2008 3:35:27 PM
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Blazingson
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Of course they are, it's their nature.
_____________________________
*Eric G.*
Matthew 5:16
Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 6/23/2008 2:43:14 PM
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evryknee
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quote:
If men spent less time being angry at women (and whinning) and more time "understanding" women, there shouldn't be a problem...and vice versa.
Understanding is good and is helpful, but it is not the answer. As long as there is sin - there will always be a problem. Christ is the answer and Christ-likeness is the goal.
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 7/6/2008 1:21:50 PM
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alley_cat
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quote:
ORIGINAL: _CANCELLED_
I'm no saint as a partner and I'm definitely not a female mysogynist but I have noticed that many women--even those who choose to stay home with the kids and maintain the home--want it all and everything else from a man these days; for him to have a good paying job, to come home and do housework, yard work, play with the children, change the diapers, etc. after working all day. Plus, they seem to think he should instinctively know what she wants without being told, i.e., "If you loved me I wouldn't have to tell you what I want--you'd just know". The latter, I find the worst of all.
I'd like to know if this plays a factor in so many break-ups today--if you and/or friends have experienced this and if so, how do you handle it?
I can only speak for myself when I say that this kind of attitude is a HUGE turnoff. I'm pretty much on the exact opposite of the personality spectrum. Soft-spoken, easy going, unassuming, perhaps a bit on the lazy side at times  . I can easily say that with a person that fits the image you portray here that I would never seek a romantic relationship with a lady like this. Heck, I probably wouldn't be anything more than acquaintances with her, or him to be fair. 
_____________________________
What your cat thinks when it rubs against your leg:
[I love you][-------------------------------------------------------Feed me now!------------------------------------------------]
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 7/7/2008 6:28:12 PM
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makarizo
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Blazingson
Of course they are, it's their nature.
amen... generally, generically speaking,.... and soooooo many times it has scared this boy away from something that probably could have been very good.
_____________________________
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RE: Are women too bossy and demanding? - 7/9/2008 3:36:29 PM
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terryjohn
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Women certainly say and demand more from men than they do from each other or men do from men. For many it is a matter of control. A power game if you like. Something to do with their concept of love and constant need for attention much like kids do when they fell ignored. Some men just do as they are told. Some men just ignore them to annoy them even more and then there are other men who put them to shame by never giving them any excuse to complain.
I personally preffer being all I can be in Chirst, but being all this and more, you will always fall short of what others think you should be to them. In any case, once I have heard their complaints, I must validate their truthfullness before moving on in Christ but the one thing I cannot and will not do is love my wife more than I love Chirst. In any case, in Christ I want to be the perfect husband, blameless and to have my wife boast of my faith and love in the market places. The fact that she does not, may or may not be entirely my fault for men and women still find fault with Christ Himself. In the end their complaints and accusations are nothing unless they are Gods as well.
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