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Do Women Know How To Respect Their Husbands? - 5/9/2008 3:48:43 PM
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gengwall
Posts: 213
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From: MN
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Ephesians 5:33 issues directives to husbands and wives in how they should interact with each other. "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (NIV). In reality, the King James has a more accurate translation of the second part of the verse - "and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband". The Greek word translated "respect" in most versions is the word often used for the "fear and trembling" reverence that we pay toward God. It is "phobeo", the word we get the English word "phobia" from. In most contexts it means to be afraid of something or somebody but in this context the Strong's definition says "to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience".
Keeping in mind that this is a command by Paul with the same weight as "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church", do women generally know what this "looks like" in terms of their interaction with their husbands. My experience is that not only do many women (my wife included) not understand what this kind of respect is and how to show it to their husbands, but they often rebel against the very notion that they should or that contrary to the unconditional nature of the command, they attach a number of requirements that must be met before they will. Here's your chance to demonstrate that such observations are isolated exceptions. 
< Message edited by gengwall -- 5/9/2008 3:56:02 PM >
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RE: Do Women Know How To Respect Their Husbands? - 5/9/2008 4:35:37 PM
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moon_mouse
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I'd say just about as many women know how to respect their husbands as men know how to love their wives sacrificially.
How's that for an answer? 
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RE: Do Women Know How To Respect Their Husbands? - 5/9/2008 6:10:46 PM
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CheshireMuse
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Joined: 8/23/2007
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I would imagine the notion of "proper respect" in this context will vary from couple to couple.... one man may become particularly irritated when his wife disagrees with an opinion/decision, another man may encourage that, because he feels it gives him a better grasp of an issue to incorporate another viewpoint into the decision-making....
In our house, my husband handles all the money and pays the bills (by mutual agreement). He's better at it than I am. So, I defer to his decisions regarding how our budget is handled and the money dispersed.
However, that doesn't mean I'm completely clueless about our finances. Every week, we sit down together and he tells me what he's paying and when. If I need anything, all I have to do is tell him, and he sees to it that money is set aside for me. The point is, he wants me to be his partner - his equal.... He values my opinion, and isn't shy about letting me know...
I work long hours in a high stress job. My husband's job is not so stressful as mine, and he's usually home 2-3 hours before I am every day. So, during the week, he sees that dinner is on the table when I come home. He has no problem cooking, washing dishes or doing a load of laundry. I've never asked him to do this...He does this because he knows I'm tired when I get home in the evenings and he wants to help me relax in the evenings.
On the flip-side, I take care of all the housework and meals on the weekends. I figure he's due a couple of days off.... so, I cook large meals
I don't have time for during the week, and he chills out on the computer or plays his video games.
In our case, the fact that my husband doesn't mind picking up a broom or popping a casserole in the oven for the sake of my comfort, increases my respect for him by leaps and bounds. As a gesture of my gratitude for him placing my comfort before his own, I see to it that his weekends are all play and no work.... That's respect for us...
Regarding the bolded portion of your post, the first thing that jumped out at me was the condescension in the way it is worded. Maybe you didn't mean it to sound that way, but unfortunately, it does. Addressing anyone in this manner is bound to put them on the defensive.
As for women knowing how to show proper respect for their husbands? How many men know how to show proper love for their wives?
Tossing around words like "proper respect" tend to send us gals into a bad place. We've had so many men demanding their "due" from us for nothing in return, that we've sort of gotten tired of it. We've begun to feel a little used and unappreciated. We've gotten tired of being patted on the head and dismissed when we have valuable opinions and knowledge to contribute.
Yes, a wife should respect her husband. But some men seem to think that gives them the right to talk down to her, disregard her thoughts and feelings, order her around like the 'help', discount her intelligence..... basically treat her like a second-class citizen. And how do you sustain any respect for a person who treats you like you're of no consequence?
Loving your wife as Christ loved the Church involves becoming her servant, not her master. Christ came to this earth to be the Servant-Leader, meaning He came to serve mankind as an example of how we should behave toward one another. Lead by example.
You want "proper respect" from a woman? Stop focusing on what she's supposed to do for you and starting thinking about what you should do for her. Put her thoughts, feelings, and needs ahead of your own. What you'll get in return is a woman who will bend over backwards to please.
Besides, isn't respect from someone who offers it willingly better than respect given because its required?
quote:
ORIGINAL: gengwall
Ephesians 5:33 issues directives to husbands and wives in how they should interact with each other. "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (NIV). In reality, the King James has a more accurate translation of the second part of the verse - "and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband". The Greek word translated "respect" in most versions is the word often used for the "fear and trembling" reverence that we pay toward God. It is "phobeo", the word we get the English word "phobia" from. In most contexts it means to be afraid of something or somebody but in this context the Strong's definition says "to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience".
Keeping in mind that this is a command by Paul with the same weight as "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church", do women generally know what this "looks like" in terms of their interaction with their husbands. My experience is that not only do many women (my wife included) not understand what this kind of respect is and how to show it to their husbands, but they often rebel against the very notion that they should or that contrary to the unconditional nature of the command, they attach a number of requirements that must be met before they will. Here's your chance to demonstrate that such observations are isolated exceptions.
_____________________________
Peace,
Muse
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RE: Do Women Know How To Respect Their Husbands? - 5/9/2008 8:51:21 PM
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ladyamythist
Posts: 56
Joined: 4/28/2008
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CheshireCat - "You want "proper respect" from a woman? Stop focusing on what she's supposed to do for you and starting thinking about what you should do for her. Put her thoughts, feelings, and needs ahead of your own. What you'll get in return is a woman who will bend over backwards to please.
Besides, isn't respect from someone who offers it willingly better than respect given because its required? "
Wow! I can't agree more! Very well put.T
Gengwall - I think that we women could take a class in what men think is respect. In some homes, women grow up without a roll model displaying respect to a man. And, certainly, we don't find that on tv. There is total disrespect for the husband there!
Since I divorced over 27 years ago, I have walked as a single. However, there is still a man in my life. That is my son. With him, I have had to learn from him what he thinks is respect. We love our sons, sure, but, do we respect them? Hum....well, how we talk to someone is key. Are we talking down to them, we are the parent, after all. Do we remind them of things needlessly? I know, we don't want them to forget stuff, and, they are intelligent, right? Do we act like they can't handle the simple little things, and we have to do it for them? Is it a habit you got into when he was a child? Well, do you see him as a man, or a child, still? Do you make decisions for him and then inform him of it? I would think that it is easy for a woman to start treating her husband as something she "owns". How she "views" her husband is key.
There are lots of ways to show respect. One thing I have had to learn is what his respect "language" is. Not belittling him in his own eyes, or his friends eyes. If he is sensitive on a subject, treat it as he requests. Draw him out. You don't know everything about your kids. And, you might not know everything about your husband. I think asking them what they think of certain things, listening to them, making them feel that they are important to you, that what happened at work today to them is important to you, too. You would be surprised at how much they appreciate just being listened to, heard. I have spent time with my son talking to him about his hobbies, what he thinks politically, and if I have heard it before, I act like I am hearing it for the first time. I want him to know that I think he is invaluable.
What happens, though, when I am angry with him for something. Guess what I have finally worked out? I have been able to stop myself, think about what it is most likely going to sound like and just talked with him. Gosh, I can tell him, "Hey, I'm angry with this, let's talk about it so I don't go off on the whole world". I can bring things up to him in such a way that it preserves his dignity, yet gets the point across that I am hopping mad!!! And the result is a good resolution to whatever happened, and a deeper respect and love for me, his mom.
I know that these things I have employed in my relationship with my son are things that I would use in my relationship with a husband.
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RE: Do Women Know How To Respect Their Husbands? - 5/9/2008 11:15:38 PM
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Kath
Posts: 16095
Joined: 2/28/2005
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In an attempt to consolidate for the purpose of effective moderation of this topic, we have created a One Stop thread for the topic of Mens/Womens Role in the Home. Therefore, this thread is closed.
Please join us in the discussion linked below.
Men/Women roles in the home:
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