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Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 2:55:34 PM
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mistymeadow
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Since I was only 9 or 10 I have been anti Abortion.
It is something that is unshakable in me.
I have been dating a man who is divorced with a small son whom he seems to love very much.
He also is a Christian.
I took it for granted that he is anti Abortion.
We've been close friends before dating and now that we've been dating for nearly 6 months we slipped up and had sex during a weak moment. (horrible family emergencies and stresses and it just happened)
Well afterwards at brunch the next day we were discussing politics.
He is voting for McCain and said well its good for a conservative that he is 'Pro Choice'.
I almost fell backwards.
I said to him that he knows I am Pro Life, right ?
And he said yes he respects my decision but he respects a woman's right to choose whatever she does with her body.
I got upset and made some dark humored crack that well if he accidentally got me pregnant I guess I would never tell him the result.
He just looked shocked and said we would discuss what to do if that happened.
I then said did he actually have the nerve to think I might give and have an abortion ? We've now been very awkward and not speaking since then.
This has been a cold slap to not have sex when I dont know a man's thoughts on abortion and also when we're not betrothed.
I am very upset now. I don't know how to show him the errors of his thinking.
Help. 
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:04:40 PM
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solo_soprano22
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Some Christians are not anti-abortion. I'm sure he's heard why abortion is wrong, etc. but still holds to the way he thinks about it (speaking from experience). I think if it is something that is a big issue, you might want to rethink whether or not you want/need to be with him.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
"Sometimes I Wonder Why" (Blog entry)
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:06:48 PM
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mistymeadow
Posts: 11
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quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
quote:
This has been a cold slap to not have sex when I dont know a man's thoughts on abortion and also when we're not betrothed.
Or...not actually married.
How long have you two been dating that this hadn't come up previously? My husband and I talked politics pretty much from the beginning of our dating relationship (12 years ago). It is good that you understand now that you shouldn't have slept with your boyfriend...hopefully that feeling you are experiencing now will be enough, coupled with growing stronger in the Lord, to keep you from sinning in that way again.
Blessings,
Kim
We've talked politics from Day 1.
I guess I thought it was a non issue.
He loves his son so much and married the child's Mother 'to do the right thing' he told me.
So I just assumed oh of course he values life.
I'm frustrated because he is highly educated and thoughtful, but won't explain how he thinks abortion is okay when he is a Christian.
All he would say is that being in the Military changed his viewpoint on it.
And he then brought up his sister. She is a Catholic he said and met the Pope and still is pro choice.
Groan.
I loved him so much and so dearly and now I feel like the love is just trickling away.
I can't hold the same respect for him now. 
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:08:33 PM
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mistymeadow
Posts: 11
Joined: 6/1/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
Some Christians are not anti-abortion. I'm sure he's heard why abortion is wrong, etc. but still holds to the way he thinks about it (speaking from experience). I think if it is something that is a big issue, you might want to rethink whether or not you want/need to be with him.
It would be different it he had said oh abortion is horrible and should be avoided.
He defended it scientifically and that's what has left me cold.
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:12:14 PM
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solo_soprano22
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May I ask how he did so? What is his scientific basis of being pro-abortion? I won't accept a scientific basis of being anti-abortion myself... so I don't accept one going in the other direction.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
"Sometimes I Wonder Why" (Blog entry)
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:17:57 PM
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mistymeadow
Posts: 11
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quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
quote:
ORIGINAL: mistymeadow
quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
quote:
This has been a cold slap to not have sex when I dont know a man's thoughts on abortion and also when we're not betrothed.
Or...not actually married.
How long have you two been dating that this hadn't come up previously? My husband and I talked politics pretty much from the beginning of our dating relationship (12 years ago). It is good that you understand now that you shouldn't have slept with your boyfriend...hopefully that feeling you are experiencing now will be enough, coupled with growing stronger in the Lord, to keep you from sinning in that way again.
Blessings,
Kim
We've talked politics from Day 1.
I guess I thought it was a non issue.
He loves his son so much and married the child's Mother 'to do the right thing' he told me.
So I just assumed oh of course he values life.
I'm frustrated because he is highly educated and thoughtful, but won't explain how he thinks abortion is okay when he is a Christian.
All he would say is that being in the Military changed his viewpoint on it.
And he then brought up his sister. She is a Catholic he said and met the Pope and still is pro choice.
Groan.
I loved him so much and so dearly and now I feel like the love is just trickling away.
I can't hold the same respect for him now.
Well...personally...there are a lot of red flags to me about this man...the least of which is his pro-abortion stance. He's had at least one other sexual partner besides you (his son's mother)...he got her pregnant out of wedlock and then married her only to later divorce her...and then he didn't respect you enough to not sleep with you.
He doesn't sound like a very strong or on fire Christian to me...just with the limited information you've shared with us. Is he really someone you think you should be dating or even wanting to share your life with?
Well his ex divorced him for not leaving the military when their son was born.
I am just sitting here gobsmacked. We have 3 mutual Christian friends and I finally had to tell them his stance because I am so upset.
They are also stunned they say. They've know him a lot longer than me.
One of them says I must be missing some reason that the would have such an attitude.
They also have told me that even though they like him a lot and he has been swell friend that I should leave unless he changes his heart and sees the error of this opinion.
sigh.....
He does charity work, is great with kids, helps abused children.
I did not see this coming.
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:22:43 PM
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mistymeadow
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He started by saying he doesn't believe in late term abortions at all.
But that early on there is little damage done.
To wit I heatedly replied 1. Did he thinks it okay to play God suddenly ?
2. What does he mean by damage done ?
3. I went so nutso I don't even recall what else I blurted out
He replied that he doesn't think it's up to individuals to decide for other women what they should do with their lives.
My response was I guess then shooting heroin is okey dokey pokey too.
He said no because that is illegal substance, not pregnancy which is legal.
Im just so stunned like my friends are.
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:41:40 PM
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solo_soprano22
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The reason why neither stance holds scientifically to me (and so many others) is that science can't tell us morality and ethics. Science can tell us so much...morality isn't one of those things.
Misty, the "science" he used doesn't seem scientific. Christians believe that either a zygote is a human/person or it becomes one later. The ones I know who believe life=conception will try to use science to support them (a zygote has the genetic code of a human, so that must be a person), and probably verses from Jeremiah, Psalms, etc to support them. A person who believes that a zygote is not a person yet will say that they may have the genetic code but no one can tell us when personhood is attained. They may have an opinion on when it is attained, but no one can tell us that except for God (not even science). Those who hold this stance also have verses they use to try to prove their point.
But I think the thing is for YOU and him, if it's a big issue in the relationship and it looks like he's set on it/not changing, you need to decide if you can handle that or if you need to end the relationship. I don't want to drag the thread off topic with what's moral/not moral, etc. Decide for yourself if you can deal with his opinion/belief about it.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
"Sometimes I Wonder Why" (Blog entry)
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:46:33 PM
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mistymeadow
Posts: 11
Joined: 6/1/2008
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oh my good golly.
from online fertility calculator:
Based on your answers, you're likely to be most fertile from May 20, 2008 to May 25, 2008. If you were to get pregnant during that time, your due date would be February 12, 2009.
We had sex on 21st of May. Um I had no idea because my cycle is only 23 days that i was possibly fertile.
This is not good. I'm actually calling my Pastoral care line right now.
Right now I have no money and much stress. What timing.
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:49:26 PM
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mistymeadow
Posts: 11
Joined: 6/1/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
Misty, the "science" he used doesn't seem scientific. Christians believe that either a zygote is a human/person or it becomes one later. The ones I know who believe life=conception will try to use science to support them (a zygote has the genetic code of a human, so that must be a person), and probably verses from Jeremiah, Psalms, etc to support them. A person who believes that a zygote is not a person yet will say that they may have the genetic code but no one can tell us when personhood is attained. They may have an opinion on when it is attained, but no one can tell us that except for God (not even science). Those who hold this stance also have verses they use to try to prove their point.
Very well written ! Thank you. 
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:55:49 PM
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mistymeadow
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Joined: 6/1/2008
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yes it calculates both combined: What was the date of the first day of your last period?
Adjusted cycle length:
And Im sick right now with bad cold so any very super early symptoms would be masked.
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 3:57:56 PM
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mistymeadow
Posts: 11
Joined: 6/1/2008
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well yes here is the thing we used protection but he hadnt had sex since he was married so he only had a very old condom i found out (after the fact)
it vanished after uh everything was done.
little bugger got lost in nether regions.
hilarity ensued.
(yes got it out - so no infection)
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 4:25:41 PM
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mistymeadow
Posts: 11
Joined: 6/1/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
You'd likely not even be exhibiting any pregnancy symptoms since you've not even missed your first period (it's only been 11 days). Normally a 23 day cycle is not long enough to have a 'fertile' luteal phase.
well my Mom always had a 22-24 day cycle and here I am.
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 4:31:48 PM
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mistymeadow
Posts: 11
Joined: 6/1/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
quote:
ORIGINAL: mistymeadow
quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
You'd likely not even be exhibiting any pregnancy symptoms since you've not even missed your first period (it's only been 11 days). Normally a 23 day cycle is not long enough to have a 'fertile' luteal phase.
well my Mom always had a 22-24 day cycle and here I am.
I said, "normally". Are you going to go and get tested for STD's soon?
Uh no. he was tested before we even started dating because Im a germphobe.
And then was routinely tested by military week before we had sex because he is deploying soon.
Clean as a whistle.
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RE: Just found out BF is Pro Abortion - So Depressed Now. - 6/1/2008 4:35:36 PM
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