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Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 1:20:49 PM
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bricole77
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Can anyone give me your opinion on this? I personally believe praying together can cause you to become interdependent on your relationship with God with that other person and can cause premature spiritual bonds. Tell me what you guys think.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 7:28:58 PM
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deermousie
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That's exactly what I was going to say, Brittani. I wouldn't pray with a person I was dating for that very reason.
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Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 7:51:21 PM
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stellaluna
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Same here.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 8:01:22 PM
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manda59
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And here.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 8:28:13 PM
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JesKlu
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I would also have to say same. It will cause pre-mature spiritual bonds. Wait until you're engaged for praying together to begin taking place.
And remember, time alone with God, apart from anybody, is also a good and healthy thing. Don't think it's lesser to pray by yourself. God wants your personal time, with just you.
Wait till there's commitment.
Your sister in Christ,
Jessica
< Message edited by JesKlu -- 11/13/2009 8:36:16 PM >
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 8:39:37 PM
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rawr.ben
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Premature spiritual bonds?
Can only back this up with Scripture that says, "Well, it's probably not such a good idea to pray with someone that you have feelings for . . . you might just end up closer to them."?
Additionally, who is to say that those bonds are "premature?"
If you are taking your relationship to God first, and in all your ways acknowledging Him, then . . won't you be where you should be at?
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 9:28:55 PM
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kohls356
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rawr.ben
Premature spiritual bonds?
Can only back this up with Scripture that says, "Well, it's probably not such a good idea to pray with someone that you have feelings for . . . you might just end up closer to them."?
Additionally, who is to say that those bonds are "premature?"
If you are taking your relationship to God first, and in all your ways acknowledging Him, then . . won't you be where you should be at?
I agree. I didn't realize there were limits on who we should pray with. I would think that a person would want to pray with their girlfriend/boyfriend.
< Message edited by kohls356 -- 11/13/2009 9:35:04 PM >
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 10:11:41 PM
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Sideways
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I'd want to pray with my boyfriend before engagement, not after. It might let me know something about whether or not I'd want to be engaged to this person (if I weren't already married).
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 10:13:20 PM
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rawr.ben
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
I'd want to pray with my boyfriend before engagement, not after. It might let me know something about whether or not I'd want to be engaged to this person (if I weren't already married).
"If two of you on earth agree about anything . . ."
My philosophy typically is . . . a couple that prays together finds favor before God.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 10:16:07 PM
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bricole77
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rawr.ben
Premature spiritual bonds?
Can only back this up with Scripture that says, "Well, it's probably not such a good idea to pray with someone that you have feelings for . . . you might just end up closer to them."?
Additionally, who is to say that those bonds are "premature?"
If you are taking your relationship to God first, and in all your ways acknowledging Him, then . . won't you be where you should be at?
premature as in a relationship anteceding marriage. i was not refering to married couples.
no i don't have a reference from scripture that's why im asking for imput from wise brothers and sisters:)
I will never be "where I should be at" with God. I am on a lifelong quest in discovering Him.
And although intentions can be good they can be harmful. Even when you intend to make God the cornerstone of your relationship when your constantly praying with that person you can develop a "3-way" relationship between you, God and your boy(girl)friend. JMHO
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 10:17:15 PM
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bricole77
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rawr.ben
quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
I'd want to pray with my boyfriend before engagement, not after. It might let me know something about whether or not I'd want to be engaged to this person (if I weren't already married).
"If two of you on earth agree about anything . . ."
My philosophy typically is . . . a couple that prays together finds favor before God.
I totally agree. In Marriage.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 10:39:54 PM
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rawr.ben
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Why shouldn't a couple try and find themselves right before God as soon as possible? Why wait until marriage to THEN take matters to God together?
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 10:41:42 PM
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rawr.ben
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77
Even when you intend to make God the cornerstone of your relationship when your constantly praying with that person you can develop a "3-way" relationship between you, God and your boy(girl)friend. JMHO
Maybe that's not so bad?
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 10:47:06 PM
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Elena1030
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Ben and Britanni,
Perhaps ...
1. It is wise to be cautious about forming spiritual and emotional bonds too quickly, especially in the early stages of dating.
2. Once a couple is getting serious and is headed towards engagement (likely), then it may be time to think about sharing some spiritual discipline things. Not all. Just some. And with wise limits.
3. Close to engagement and after it, yes, the spiritual ties should be forming and strengthening.
I think the "Don't pray together" admonition comes from the book 10 Commandments of Dating, IIRC. I first read that counsel 10 years ago when I was dating my then boyfriend and found it at his place. Definitely got me to thinking.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 10:58:04 PM
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rawr.ben
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I still don't understand what "spiritual bonds" are.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/13/2009 11:05:59 PM
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bricole77
Posts: 360
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rawr.ben
I still don't understand what "spiritual bonds" are.
My Pastor talks about how in the old Jewish marriage ceromonies they would place the joppa (sp?) over the bed to consummate the marriage. the same joppa the couple would be married under. then a spiritual interchange would take place when the two united and "became one flesh" i believe a spritual interchange similar to this takes place when you pray with someone. again just my opinion dont have specific bilical refernece. Thanks Elena for the post you are very wise:)
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/14/2009 12:02:03 AM
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deermousie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rawr.ben
Why shouldn't a couple try and find themselves right before God as soon as possible? Why wait until marriage to THEN take matters to God together?
How many dating relationships end in marriage?
I dated... um... a dozen guys I guess, in over two decades of dating. I was a Christian during most of those relationships, and I married the last one I went out with. I had a hard enough time trying to figure out what was a good match and what was God's will and how much I was fudging because I wanted a man (whine while you say that). To be praying with the guy(s) would have confused me even worse because of the closeness it would imply and I would feel. Out of, say, 12 guys, I didn't marry 11 of them. Why get close to them - it would have confused me even worse.
Many of them were wonderful guys who are now married to someone else, and I bet their wives are happier that I'm not closer to their husbands. A couple of the guys had some pretty serious problems and I needed to see that clearly so I wouldn't get swept off my feet when it would have meant a marriage with serious deficiencies and handicaps. That's also a problem for the next generation, growing up in that situation.
I can't back this with Scripture, but my experience warns me this is so. YMMV - take care, Brother.
< Message edited by deermousie -- 11/14/2009 12:09:21 AM >
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/14/2009 12:02:40 AM
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jaimestarcross
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A spiritual exchange happens between you and God.
Emotional bonding with someone is developed by spending time together and sharing information etc.
Don't confuse emotional bonding with anything else... if you spend time with a person you like and are attracted to, bonding takes place... not just because you pray together.
Guarding your heart and managing your time with the person that you are in love with/or attracted to are good ways to foil premature bonding with the person that you interested in... I know of some couples who are in love and they often go out with another couple just so they don't fall into sin because they are very attracted to each other. A relationship needs time to develop properly and I do think boyfriend/girlfriend relations need a measure of safeguarding - as I have seen many Christian girls pregnant by their Christian boyfriends.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/14/2009 1:36:00 AM
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Elena1030
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77
quote:
ORIGINAL: rawr.ben
I still don't understand what "spiritual bonds" are.
i believe a spritual interchange similar to this takes place when you pray with someone. again just my opinion; don't have specific biblical refernece.
Thanks, Elena, for the post; you are very wise:)
Aww, thanks, Britanni.
Found the page in The Ten Commandments of Dating, by Ben Young and Sam Adams. It's page 68: point 6 of chapter 4, "Thou Shalt Take It Slow." (Of course, I have to add -ly --- Thou Shalt Take It SlowLY. Grammar lesson for the day!)
Here's an excerpt:
"The 'let's be prayer partners' approach sounds sweet and spiritual on the surface, but it can actually be used as a form of manipulation. Praying is one of the most intimate experiences you can ever have. Consider the fact that when you pray with someone you hardly know, you are encouraging a bond that can be more intense than even physical affection or sex. There is a fine line between spirituality and sexuality, and people who do not respect the line are in danger of getting burned."
The writers go on to give an example scenario of a first date, during which the guy and gal are talking in his car, parked at her apartment complex. The date is about to end. Here's how they describe the next events: "After a while you [the gal] get out of the car, and instead of trying to hug you or kiss you, he says, 'Let's pray and thank the Lord for our day.' Well, you are absolutely shocked. Not only is he not trying to put a move on you, he is taking the spiritual lead by initiating prayer. Here's where it gets dangerous. Once you start to pray together, you are combining two of the most powerful forces on the planet: your spiritual drive and your sex drive. It's so easy for the two to get convoluted and for you to finish the prayer session with a divine word from God that this is The One. In fact, all that you really achieved was a spiritualization of the hormones. Take it slow with prayer. There will be plenty of time down the road to pray together. Don't mess it up before your relationship has a chance to grow."*
So the admonition is not to pray together at all before marriage but to take it slowly.
I discovered a similar truth about doing Bible reading and discussion together at an early (it was VERY early) stage in dating ---> my dating companion (we never did get to official boyfriend/girlfriend stage) and I were going over Scripture, reading it together, and cuddling. At least we were in a public place, which limited the emotional & physical/sexual temptations. But those were still there. If we had had just an intellectual discussion, rather than an affection-filled one, with consulting the Bible for our talking points or supporting evidence (as part of the discussion) instead of reading it devotionally (as in, devotion to each other -- that was the tone and the feeling), then the experience would not have been out of proportion to where we were in the stages of dating.
Another good resource that has info about the stages of dating and of pair bonding is Smart Love, by Nancy Van Pelt.
* Young, Ben; Adams, Samuel. The Ten Commandments of Dating. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1999. 68.
edited to add links
< Message edited by Elena1030 -- 11/14/2009 1:46:41 AM >
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/14/2009 5:00:46 AM
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birdiewatcher
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my boyfriend never prayed with me at all. then he became my husband and never prayed with me. i would have rather found out while we were dating that he wasn't going to be the spiritual leader.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/14/2009 8:47:51 AM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: birdiewatcher
my boyfriend never prayed with me at all. then he became my husband and never prayed with me. i would have rather found out while we were dating that he wasn't going to be the spiritual leader.
I don't think that praying with a girlfriend is necessarily any indication that a guy is going to be the "spiritual leader".
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/14/2009 10:51:43 AM
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herestoresmysoul
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quote:
ORIGINAL: birdiewatcher
my boyfriend never prayed with me at all. then he became my husband and never prayed with me. i would have rather found out while we were dating that he wasn't going to be the spiritual leader.
This is sort of what I was thinking. We get many women on thie forum and another forum I go to whose marriages are bad and they often say "well he SAID he was a Christian" If more couples prayed togather maybe each would have more idea where the other was spiritually,
My husband and I prayed togather loads and loads of times before we were married. I cant actually see what is wrong with it. Why is it any different from speaking to each other, except that you are both sepaking to God?
Prayer is a relationship and I feel needs to be shared long before Marriage. Just my opinion.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/14/2009 10:56:42 AM
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GregandJenny
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From: Near Seattle Washington
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
A spiritual exchange happens between you and God.
Emotional bonding with someone is developed by spending time together and sharing information etc.
Don't confuse emotional bonding with anything else... if you spend time with a person you like and are attracted to, bonding takes place... not just because you pray together.
Guarding your heart and managing your time with the person that you are in love with/or attracted to are good ways to foil premature bonding with the person that you interested in... I know of some couples who are in love and they often go out with another couple just so they don't fall into sin because they are very attracted to each other. A relationship needs time to develop properly and I do think boyfriend/girlfriend relations need a measure of safeguarding - as I have seen many Christian girls pregnant by their Christian boyfriends.
I agree with this.
I have a question for you all ause I really need to understand. What is spiritual bonding? Where in the bible is it found.
Also something to add:
proverbs "Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life."
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/14/2009 11:17:39 AM
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LivingParadox
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quote:
ORIGINAL: birdiewatcher
my boyfriend never prayed with me at all. then he became my husband and never prayed with me. i would have rather found out while we were dating that he wasn't going to be the spiritual leader.
Exactly. I think it a great idea to pray with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe not as first date - maybe not only exclusively pray with them but if you want to know a person's spiritual walk...well I can't think of a better way. Many a person has "dated" a person thinking they have a "good" person to only find out after marriage their spiritual walk is weak.
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RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/14/2009 11:33:08 AM
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bricole77
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I think there are other ways to see if someone bears fruit in their life than just praying with them.
Ask them to tell you their testimony, about their relationship with God, do they attend church, do daily devotions? Are they active in any ministries?
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