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Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage

 
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Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/8/2009 3:56:12 PM   
splost

 

Posts: 36
Status: offline
HI everyone,

I am 36 and single. I am hoping for a more balanced and honest view of marriage because it seems like I keep running into Christians who are married that try to "burst my bubble" of wanting a fantastic marriage. Please don't get me wrong, I have never been married so I don't see it on the other end. I am not expecting a Polyanna marriage, but it discourages me to see soooo many people complaining about marriage, how it's "not all that great" the "sexual exitement wears off" etc. Almost like I am being warned not to pursue it and after the honeymoon phase, it's just a bunch of heardache and boredom!!!

Is wanting a fantastic intimate sex life and romance a goofy fantasy? What is is really like?

Please give me some honest feedback here. Why are so many people sorry they got married? If you follow God's plan and work hard, do you see the fruit of your labor?

I guess I am wanting some happy posters telling me that they are crazy about their husband, and that they wouldn't have it any other way, in spite of the trials.

I know there will be trials. What upsets me though are the "warnings" of how it really is. It seems like there are more warnings than encouragement.
Post #: 1
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/8/2009 4:12:22 PM   
laughinggirl


Posts: 263
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
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I got married when I was 32. I'm 36 now. In all honesty, marriage has been far, far more wonderful than I ever imagined during my single years. Everyone warned us that the first year would be so hard because we were older and set in our ways, but it was actually a total blast. We were so happy to have each other and to finally be married, it wasn't hard to settle into life together and figure out how to adjust.

We waited until our wedding night and it was the most beautiful experience of my life. Not perfect, of course, since we were figuring things out, but it was just so special and meaningful and amazing.... and we enjoy it even more now.

We've been married 3 years now and it gets better every day. I am more crazy in love with my husband now than on the day we got married. He is such a thoughtful man and our life together is a daily blessing. I'm sure things will change when we have kids and we will have to adjust again, but I know we will work through it together.

My best advice to you is to choose the right person. Choose a man who is godly and loving and kind and affectionate (or whatever characteristics mean the most to you). DON'T SETTLE!! It is so worth it to wait for the right one and happily discover that it can be just as fantastic as you imagine.

_____________________________

Bethany's Blog
Our first baby - due June 6, 2010!
Post #: 2
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/8/2009 4:21:59 PM   
sharonjef2007


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My husband and I are just getting ready to celebrate our 1st year anniversary. So, just coming out of that "honeymoon" phase if you like...LOL! But, we both thank God daily for our marriage. Intimacy is just like any other part of a marriage relationship...it is what you make of it. We choose to love on each other and it works well. No boredom. My being pregnant has changed some things right now. But, even that just makes us get more creative which turns out to be more fun in the long run.

I totally agree with Bethany's advice.

_____________________________

my blog......Picture This.......
Post #: 3
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/8/2009 4:39:50 PM   
a_sparrow


Posts: 626
Joined: 6/20/2006
From: Los Angeles
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I married an unbeliever; I wouldn't advise this, of course, as it is sin.

I was reading a thread in "He Says" today about whether a man would chose a great body or great face in a wife. Many of the respondents said they couldn't choose, they "needed" both. We women, too, often believe that it would be intolerable not to have all of our fleshly desires gratified in marriage. We are less likely to demand pretty visuals than men are, because many (though not all) of us prefer other things. But I think the heart issues are basically the same.

Some of the difficulties in my marriage resulted from my sin in choosing a spouse. Others, however, have been caused by our mutual expectation that each would fulfill all of the other's emotional and physical "needs." If that were to happen naturally, there would be no place in our union for sacrifice, and real love is inherently sacrificial. There would also be no opportunity to die to ourselves, as we are commanded to do.

With that said, with all the trials, I absolutely adore my husband, would not want to be with anyone else, and cannot imagine anything that could ever change that. In comparison to the difficulties of my marriage, singlehood appears to me a sad and lonely road. I hope that is encouragement of a sort.

_____________________________

Elizabeth
Post #: 4
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/8/2009 5:01:01 PM   
3cappuccinosmom


Posts: 4043
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
I do not think wanting a good sexual relationship and continuous romance is "goofy" or wrong. Who'd ever get married if they did not expect some benefit from it? Something good?

As long as you recognize that your man will be imperfect, and that you are imperfect, and thus there are going to be some disappointments and unmet expectations in your marriage.

Very often there is a trade off. You might get the heady romance and fireworks if you marry a man who is firebrand passionate by nature. And that can be a good thing. But people who are that passionate are that passionate about everything, which can cause problems in other areas.
On the other hand, you might marry a sweet and steady man who will love you to the day he dies, but his idea of passion in the bedroom and yours don't quite match.
And there's an infinite variety of combinations in men, so you need to get to know the one you want to marry *very* well, his personality, nature, attitudes, habits, faith, etc.
You need to be careful that you pick a man who you can live with, and who you won't constantly be wanting to change "just one thing" about him to make him a "better husband".

Marriage is also affected by the wife's behavior. It is not all on the man's shoulders. Your attitude towards your husband and your behavior towards him can have a huge impact, positive or negative, on your marriage.

Choose wisely, treat kindly, in other words.

My husband and I had a very, very rough start to our marriage. It was awful. However, as both of us have matured, it has gotten better and better. My marriage doesn't match the romantic fantasy I had as a teen or the romantic fantasies Hollywood promotes, but it is a very good thing and I wouldn't give up my husband or my marriage for anything. There is always room for growth and change but for the most part we are headed down the path of increased love and connection, and improved intimacy as each year passes. Dh is learning how to love me the way that makes me feel the most loved, and I am learning to look for and appreciate his expressions of love in things other than what the culture says is "romantic". And vice versa.

_____________________________

Moo

The Ballad of Bad Biruk
Post #: 5
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/8/2009 5:13:31 PM   
a_sparrow


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From: Los Angeles
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quote:

Very often there is a trade off. You might get the heady romance and fireworks if you marry a man who is firebrand passionate by nature. And that can be a good thing. But people who are that passionate are that passionate about everything, which can cause problems in other areas.
On the other hand, you might marry a sweet and steady man who will love you to the day he dies, but his idea of passion in the bedroom and yours don't quite match.


This is very wise, and I think one of our problems as people is not being able to accept trade-offs, because we "need" everything.

_____________________________

Elizabeth
Post #: 6
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/8/2009 5:33:41 PM   
OneOfHisJewels

 

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I knew Bethany and Maggie would have great posts!
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/8/2009 6:53:40 PM   
agapetos


Posts: 9835
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From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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quote:

I know there will be trials. What upsets me though are the "warnings" of how it really is. It seems like there are more warnings than encouragement.
You know something... whatever topic that you discuss with anyone, the chances are very high that you'll get more warnings than encouragement. Why? Because for some reason, people seem to get more fun out of the bad than the good...

I bet if you posted about first-time-mother experiences and asked 'How many of you were told horror stories when you first announced you were pregnant' the vast majority would say they'd been told at least one.

If you want to get married one day, pray about it and make sure that you get to know other Christian single (men and women) through church groups and stuff. It's unlikely that God's going to have a nice young Christian man knock on your door one day and propose ~ you have to do something too...

_____________________________

Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09

My blog
Post #: 8
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/11/2009 10:57:07 AM   
fly0950

 

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Joined: 1/13/2007
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My husband and I will be celebrating our first anniversary in about 2 weeks. I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything! I love being married. We have had a very rough year....not because of our relationship but because of outside curcimstances. My husband is finishing school and working full time, we have had some health issues and losing our first baby. But through it all my husband has been my rock!

We, of course, have had our little spats....tis only normal. A lot of it has been because of bad communication and misunderstandings.

My advice for people, married or not, is to work on your communication. I think some ladies get upset because their ideals of marriage don't come true, but I always wonder if they have comunicated these things to their husbands. And I have been guilty of this. Men can't read our minds. Some men are super creative and know how to be the perfect romantic lovers. But others need some help...and that it totally okay. I try to tell my husband what I like or what would mean a lot to me. This goes from everything to making love to plans for my birthday. My husband loves to please me, so he is happy when I let him know. We can't get all depressed on the evening of our birthday because our husband didn't do something special, if we didn't tell him.

I love being married and I highly recommend it. An endless sleep over with your best friend.....doesn't get much better than that!
Post #: 9
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/11/2009 1:24:09 PM   
p31woman


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From: Texas, and now South Dakota
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quote:

I love being married and I highly recommend it. An endless sleep over with your best friend.....doesn't get much better than that!


I love this! Mind if I borrow it?


_____________________________

So don't let anyone pass judgment on you in connection with eating and drinking, or in regard to a Jewish festival or Rosh-Hodesh or Shabbat. These are a shadow of things that are coming, but the body is of the Messiah. Colossians 2:16-17
Post #: 10
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/12/2009 1:56:22 PM   
delaney

 

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Joined: 5/11/2005
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Splost, thank you for posting this question. I am single, 35 and of the same opinion: even from happily marrieds, I hear more about the bad things about their husbands and marriages than I do about the awesome things. I can't imagine why I would find any inducement to marry given the feedback I hear, so I will be eagerly watching this space to read about the good stuff.
Post #: 11
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/12/2009 2:51:48 PM   
laughinggirl


Posts: 263
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
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There is a thread in the Married forum called "What has your husband done lately that made you melt?", and it is chock full of great stuff from happy marriages. Check it out.

_____________________________

Bethany's Blog
Our first baby - due June 6, 2010!
Post #: 12
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/12/2009 3:45:02 PM   
fly0950

 

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: p31woman

quote:

I love being married and I highly recommend it. An endless sleep over with your best friend.....doesn't get much better than that!


I love this! Mind if I borrow it?



Of course!
Post #: 13
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/13/2009 10:06:36 AM   
kohls356


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I have been married for 23 years and we have had our ups and downs, our trials and joys. I think if you are asking for honest feedback then be ready to hear the negative things. Being married is not always a bed of roses.

We have gone through job losses, illnesses, deaths of parents, children (yes children are a blessing but they are an adjustment), moves, children graduating and going to college, bills that you don't know how you will pay, and the list goes on and on. That is life and with that comes issues. There have been times I have looked at my husband and wondered why did I married him. But I look back on my life through those trials and see how much we have grown as individuals and as a couple. I can't imagine not having gone through them with my husband.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a wonderful marriage but don't let it turn into a fantasy because it won't live up to what you have fantasized about. Maybe the reason people have been giving you their "horror" stories is to let you know marriage isn't a fantasy it is real life with real problems to deal with.
Post #: 14
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/13/2009 7:10:00 PM   
Mollymouser


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From: california, land of the happy cows
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My wonderful DH and I got married in 2003. I was 38 years old, he was 37 -- and it was a first marriage for both of us. I am crazy about my wonderful DH (who is my best friend), and I wouldn't have it any other way -- despite the trials and stressors that we've experienced in 6.5 years of marriage:

* DH changed jobs.
* DH has been deployed 6 times since we've been married (and has another deployment scheduled!)
* I quit my job... twice.
* We bought our first house.
* I experienced a number of serious, life-threatening health issues.
* My mother died.
* My father died.
* My brother-in-law died.
* My DH's stepfather died.
* We engaged in a messy, protracted probate battle over my parents' estate.

Believe me, this was not how I hoped/dreamed/imagined or prayed that the first 6 years of our marriage would be! But, through this all, Christ has been our anchor, and these "trials and tribulations" have just served to strengthen our marriage and strengthen our faith in Christ. We laugh a lot. We joke a lot. We talk a lot. We smile a lot. We cuddle a lot. We snuggle a lot. We pray a lot.

About sex ....

I spent our wedding night in the Emergency Room ... not exactly the romantic evening that I'd envisioned. And, among the things that the doctor said was, "You can't have sex for at least 10 days." Can you imagine having to explain THAT, as a newlywed, to your husband? All I can say is that my wonderful DH was verrrry comforting, verrry supportive, and verrry sweet about the whole situation and just kissed me and said.... "I guess God just wants us to kiss and snuggle for 10 days, huh?" God has a way of working these things for good, He really does.

We're now in our mid-40s, and I'll freely admit that we probably don't participate in sex as often as married couples in their 20s or 30s ... but I will say that what we lack in quantity, we both believe that we make up for in quality. The key, as in most things involved with marriage, is to pray, discuss, cooperate, compromise and communicate ... and make sure that both people are satisfied with the joint decision that's been reached.

When it comes to "romance," my wonderful DH has been very open to suggestions and pointers. I was his first and only "girlfriend" (while we courted), so he freely admits he's not entirely sure what he's "supposed" to do in the romance category. Once I explained what I would like (small surprises, sweet cards, frequent kisses) ... he's been wonderful in that category. He was actually relieved and very open to hearing ideas and suggestions in that department, LOL!

You've gotten some great advice here ... and I am sure more will come.

Prayers for you and your future husband!!!

_____________________________

MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS!
Post #: 15
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/17/2009 10:08:41 AM   
peace77

 

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It's not goofy to have fantasy of a fantastic sex life but it's not realistic either.
It's kind of like expecting to have a gourmet meal at a 5 star restaurant every Saturday night.

It's not always fantastic but it's always served with love.

Meals would become boring if people never take the time to try a new recipe. Sex is the same way.

I married my DH when he was 42 (his first marriage). He has been the most loving, kind sweet man. He has been by my side when my health problems were very severe. We've struggled with other difficulties and moved 9 times in 8 years.

We wouldn't give it up for anything. We believe that we are a team that God has put together. We may be ministering apart but we would much rather be together.

A good marriage takes time and communication.
A lot of people would rather complain than work things out with their spouse.
A wonderful marriage is a treasure.

A marriage is like a farm that is well-taken care of with freshly painted buildings and a bountiful harvest. Sure it is easier to gripe about your barn in need of repair and paint than to work on it. If you have a spouse that is truly willing to partner with you and you with him, then you can have a treasure too.


Peace,
Anne

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I GoodSearch for Lance's Deaf Orphans.

Raise money for your favorite charity or school just by searching the Internet or shopping online with GoodSearch - www.goodsearch.com
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/17/2009 11:25:11 AM   
Auben

 

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There is a lot of expectation that marriage is a beautiful thing and that the moment you find each other things will be perfect because you are perfect for each other and it's God ordained.

Often people who have been married want you to be aware that these common romantic ideas are not the case...and it's important to listen to them.

Marriage is a beautiful thing...if the people involved can work together and honor each other even when they don't feel honored.

I have a wonderful marriage. We've been married 11 years and we still hate to be apart. We actually like long car rides so we can read aloud to each other and just talk. We follow each other around the house to work by each other. We still love to cuddle. We still like to get busy.

BUT I would be remiss to say that marriage is not hard sometimes. Sometimes for long periods. There are going to be issues where the most sensitive, sweet, loving man is just blind to how you see things or what you need. And the same will be true for you. You will probably argue, debate, be depressed, feel sorrow, be angry, yell, want to get back in mean little ways. There are times when you've asked for something you need from him 50--100--100,000 times and he still won't do it. You'll have to be flexible on things you never thought you'd need to be flexible on...things you feel you shouldn't have to be flexible on.

In other words, there will be struggle.

But if you struggle together, and not against each other, if you work and communicate it is one of the most amazing things in the world. It will give you strength when the world is against you. It will give you joy and peace and humor.

I highly recommend it.

_____________________________

Tamara

~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
Post #: 17
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/18/2009 3:29:27 PM   
Hazel2


Posts: 483
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Wow, I am so totally in love with my husband and the concept of marriage. We have been married for four years and it is a joy to see his face at the end of each day. I would warn you that marriage is not much about romance (or at least ours isn't) as it is about Partnership. My husband is not overly romantic with the buying of flowers, etc. but he is a class act partner. That is so much more important! When you look for a mate, remember to select one who you would want there with you through thick and thin.

My old list of priorities in a mate:
- good looking
- sense of humor
- romantic and spontaneous
- good provider

My list adjusted to reflect my experience:
- steadfast
- loyal
- generous
- fair minded

Remember, there will likely be periods of time (days, weeks, months ... years??) when you don't much like your spouse. During these times, you need to stay focused on the end goal of being together. Too many people "fall out of love" when life throws troubles at them. They get grumpy about not being "happy" and "growing apart". All of these concepts are selfish in their way and serve to weaken an otherwise good marriage. Over time, as you overcome and accomplish things together, your marriage will grow into something truly amazing.

Marriage, as an entity, is like a third person ... it has it's own personality and it can get sick and die like any living being. I think remembering this is key to preserving it. I go to great lengths to spend time with my husband ... I follow him around the yard while he does yard work, I sit in his closet in the morning when he gets ready for work. Little gestures mean a lot ... John may not be overly romantic, but that doesn't give me a free pass to not be romantic as well! We're just doing our best day to day ... we've been through some rough and rocky times but we have confidence in our relationship and in each other!

_____________________________

Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!

"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato

I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
Post #: 18
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/20/2009 1:25:07 PM   
doinkdom


Posts: 6098
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From: The higher lowcountry
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I love being married to my husband.

We've overcome some obstacles that have taken out many couples to include not being believers when we first met, his severe porn addiction and both of us were divorced with a child.

But...we were committed. And now with God in control of our marriage...that commitment is even stronger. And as a result of all we've been through, our conversations and time spent together is awesome.

As for sex...that's up to you. We will celebrate 12 years at the end of this month and we have a very active sex life because it is an important part of most marriages. I gave up my so-called "rights" as to when I felt "in the mood" and so did he...we are also able to talk about it.

So...hopefully that wasn't toooo honest for ya.

_____________________________

"Well in my experience if something seems too good to be true
it's best to shoot it just in case."
~Fi
Post #: 19
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/22/2009 9:56:08 PM   
herestoresmysoul

 

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I have a wonderful 4 year marriage to a wonderful man. It is a second marriage for both of us and I thank God every day for giving us this amazing second chance.
I second the comment about having a sleep over every night with your best friend. I love to snuggle up to him every night before we go to sleep,and I thoughht the novelty of that would fade after the so called 'honeymoon' period, but it hasnt cos I love him more than ever.
We have been through so much in our 4 year marriage, and as we were both in our late 40's with divorces behind us when we met we had a fair amount of baggage, but we were always very close and very stong together from the start, so we have come through everything stronger than before.
He isnt a romantic man, he is very intelligent in his field and has a highly logical mind, so often dosnt understand my more emotional one, but he tries and he is a good and godly and very moral man.He is also a BRILLIANT step dad to my 3 young adult children, who never see their own dad.

Word of advice. only marry a man who God brings to you, dont settle for second best,and DONT marry a man who you cant respect. The Bible tells us to respect our husbands, and for me that is easy as I respect him highly. So many women dont respect their husbands and that is sad.
Post #: 20
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/25/2009 9:45:48 PM   
Elena1030


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From: Music City, USA
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Related question....

Do you think it's a good idea to choose a man who gives ya "the tingles".... so that you eagerly look forward to sex with him..... rather than a man you're kinda "meh" about?

I don't know that I could marry a man who didn't make me melt just by looking at him and being around him.

I'm afraid I'm asking for too much. (Esp. since I'm not drop-dead gorgeous... or even conventionally pretty. Just... kinda cute, sometimes.)

_____________________________

Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
Post #: 21
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/26/2009 6:53:53 AM   
gardenrobin


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marriage is a very beautiful Journey for two people, with ups and downs, I personally love the feeling of knowing I can go through life with my husband and he can share memories with me and we can build a home together. We are both quite opposite individuals, hubby is laid back, calm and quite reserved whereas I am highly strong, quick to get annoyed and definately not calm lol (god is changing me everyday). To the original poster: God will find you your perfect partner in life if it is his will, look forward to turning the next page in your book of life.

p.s to AGAGAPETOS your cat in your picture looks exactly like my cat, a tabby with ginger in it, yours looks so nice and big.

_____________________________

Psalm 118 vs 8 "It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man"
Post #: 22
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/31/2009 4:48:38 PM   
laughinggirl


Posts: 263
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elena1030

Related question....

Do you think it's a good idea to choose a man who gives ya "the tingles".... so that you eagerly look forward to sex with him..... rather than a man you're kinda "meh" about?

I don't know that I could marry a man who didn't make me melt just by looking at him and being around him.

I'm afraid I'm asking for too much. (Esp. since I'm not drop-dead gorgeous... or even conventionally pretty. Just... kinda cute, sometimes.)

You are not asking too much. A person doesn't have to be physically perfect to the rest of the world in order to make YOU melt. He only has to be drop-dead gorgeous to YOU. Love will do that, if it's the right person.

My mind knows logically that my husband is not ever going to be asked to star in a movie. But I still stare at him in wonder and am amazed at how gorgeous he is to me.

_____________________________

Bethany's Blog
Our first baby - due June 6, 2010!
Post #: 23
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 8/31/2009 5:22:03 PM   
garsyt


Posts: 1600
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: the bottom of the laundry basket
Status: online
My husband and I have been married for just over 20 years now.

It has definitely NOT been all roses and sunshine, but this is the deal;

IF you marry the man that God has intended for you then you will be able to see the blessing even in the tough times.

Read this - My husbands blog He wrote this post a few weeks ago. It is very true.

As for the sexual part of the relationship. There will be ups. There will be downs and it's ALL about attitude and give and take.

My recommendation is that you receive serious pre-marital counsel before any wedding date. That will help walk you and your intended through many of the areas of life that may become trouble spots. And keep on talking after those sessions are over.

Blessings,

Garsy

_____________________________

My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
Post #: 24
RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 9/1/2009 3:47:44 AM   
DlightinJC

 

Posts: 1
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From: Iowa/Illinois
Status: offline
In answer to your question of "Why all the negative answers?", I think that's because we are, by nature, complainers. It's not biblical, but it happens. Also, many women are realists or have been surprised by how different life became for them than what they had imagined it to be. Here's what I think and have experienced in my small realm of experience (2.5 years of marriage and many awesome brothers and sisters in Christ):

God created the world and said that it was good. Then, He created man and said that it was VERY good. A lot of this goodness was lost or has been twisted or tainted by the fall. But that doesn't detract from the truth that His creation is good. Now, He also created marriage--imagine Adam and Eve's wedding! It must have been an amazingly humbling experience to have your Heavenly Father--the Creator of the universe--walk you down the isle to (literally) the only man for you. So, marriage is a good thing. I would say it is a VERY good thing. In some parts of the Bible, it says that it is better to be single, and in some it goes on to say what a wonderful thing marriage is. On a side note, I have wrestled with this, and have realized that we have not been created for dating relationships. It is a struggle to be a single person headed toward marriage (physically, emotionally, spiritually) because we can only be single or married...there's not much room for anything in between. You want to be one with that person in all senses of the word, but you're not yet.

As a single person, I was happy and content, surrounded by friends, serving God, and growing in my walk with Him. I did, however, crave companionship and wonder about the possibility of a future mate. Singleness can be amazing! You can serve God wholeheartedly and are free to go wherever and whenever He asks You. You are not distracted by the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother (none of which are bad).

As a married person, I have seen that marriage is an awesome reflection of our relationship as a Body to Christ. And a marriage blessed by God is a thing to behold. My husband and I strove to have a dating and engagement relationship that honored Him, knowing that we did not belong to each other until our wedding night. And, oh, if I could describe to you the joy, wonder, and peace that I felt on that wedding night when I knew that we had come to this day on His terms, and He was blessing our obedience...in essence, saying "Well done! Now get to work!" ;) At my personal shower, a friend of mine gave a devotional, in which she said that sex is a worshipful act. TRUE THAT! God created sex!! So, pray about it! Sex is like the barometer of your marriage. It is a time when you just have to let down your guard, be 100% vulnerable, and give yourself over to another person. It is a time of learning, growing, intimacy, and...well, a whole lot of fun! And what's awesome about it is that, once you have that commitment, you know you have a lifetime of figuring each other out and growing that part of your relationship.

But a marriage is made up of two people, and those two are sinners. So, you say stupid things. You do hurtful things. And you just plain sin. But how awesome a part grace can play in your marriage! Always remember that your husband (Lord willing) has a general goodwill toward you. He probably won't wake up in the morning and say, "I wonder how I can make my wife cry today." And remember how unloving we are to God. He has pursued us with a passionate, unending, unchanging love. Yet we are often lukewarm in response, cramming in a prayer here, some Bible time there, and not pursuing intimacy with Him. As you strive to be more like Christ, each of you will become the husband or wife you were meant to be.

_____________________________

~In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other ~
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