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What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/6/2008 1:44:47 PM
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christsgirl
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I know the bible says "if the unbeliever leaves, let him go", but is it EVER the right thing to FIGHT for your marriage in such a way as to tell the spouse that left that you "refuse to allow them to give up on your marriage?" I mean, do you absolutely HAVE to go along with their desire for separation/divorce? Or is it just wise to do that? Has anyone been in a situation or seen someone who "refused" to let go of a spouse or allow the marriage to end? Could this ever result in a good thing or is something like this bound for disaster?
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RE: What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/6/2008 3:18:25 PM
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YZGUY
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Well, you can't force another to participate in the marriage. So in that sense, letting go and moving on may be fine. However, fighting for the marriage & reconciliation, I think, are well worth it - at least to say that you tried everything and your conscience can be clear. How to fight might be a different question. So, I'd say, Yes, fight to the best of your ability for the marriage, but in the end, the spouse has a decision too. After a period of time, if the divorce papers were filed, they become official if you do not sign. If you remain single or wait after that, that is up to you & God.
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RE: What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/7/2008 10:54:51 PM
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tfkeel
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From: Pennsylvania
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If you are a believer, and your husband is "not pleased to dwell with you", being an unbeliever, then God is doing you a favor. Let your husband go. Help him pack.
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RE: What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/8/2008 7:44:48 AM
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becomingwhole
Posts: 28
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Yes, you can still fight for your marriage !! When my dh left it was for another woman. The divorce went all the way through and I continued to fight. but by that I mean on my knees. I also was very verbal in telling my dh the door was always open, and being there when God lead me to be.
I say if you have children don't give up. I will tell you it is a hard road to walk, but worth it. My dh and I have been remarried for 2 and 1/2 years. Before we remarried we went through counseling, and the first year was still a little rough.
I tell anyone in life don't give up .... God is the God of miracles !!!
Becomingwhloe
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RE: What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/8/2008 9:45:07 AM
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gocartone
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I refuse to give up my fight to allow Satan to break the covenant we have in our marriage. I will be on my knees constantly praying for God to stand by His promises in healing and making right the wrongs Satan has allowed to happen. I think letting your spouse know you are in prayer for them and for the marriage can at times speak worlds of truth them that they may not hear from anyone else.
As long as you feel you still love him and feel this is what God is leading you to do, keep up the fight. I will be praying for you.
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RE: What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/8/2008 10:15:42 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10692
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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There is only so much holding on to a marriage that one can legally do. Also, I believe there comes a point where God may release a person to let go of the spouse. You can't force someone to come back or to be willing to work on things...it takes two people to do that, and you can only control your own behavior, attitudes, and reactions to the spouse.
That said, when my husband left me and our 15 month old son for another woman, all I wanted was for him to come home. I didn't give up on our marriage, though I did have to let him go because I couldn't stop him from leaving. We kept up communication solely because of our son, and he did eventually come back, still unsaved. I made a few requirements for him to come back, which he agreed to. Six months later, he was saved and over the past 6 years, we have been slowly going through God's restoration process. I am confident that He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it.
_____________________________
Does God see?
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen. 2 Cor. 4:18
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RE: What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/16/2008 8:07:33 AM
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christsgirl
Posts: 42
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Thanks for your responses everyone. Now, my husband wants to come back, and I've tried to put some things in place that I believe could help us cultivate a healthy marriage, but he "refuses to jump through any hurdles to be allowed to come back to HIS house". It's like he wants it, but only on his terms. Am I obligated to allow him to come back in a week (after he finishes painting someone's house to make some money)? I'm just so torn. I love my husband, and I miss him. AND I would like him there for the sake of our son. But I don't want to deal with all his MESS!!! I just don't know what to do. I'm so tired of praying and trying to believe things will get better.
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RE: What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/18/2008 2:29:33 AM
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relady
Posts: 958
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From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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HE is the one who left and was unfaithful. You have every right to set some ground rules before letting him back into "his" house. Sounds to me like he wants his cake and eat it too. If you let him have it, you will be enabling. Do NOT do that. Please, please don't.
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RE: What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/18/2008 11:20:56 AM
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creationtalk
Posts: 594
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You can refuse to give up and fight for your marriage, however, crying pleading, threatening harm if he leaves is a pretty good way to drive him out the door quicker.
As to your other question, refusing to allow him to return unless he goes to counseling, acknowledges his wrongs in the marriage (as you acknowledge yours) IS fighting for your marriage. If nothing changes, then the marriage will remain on the same rocky ground it was on before and/or continue on down hill from there.
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RE: What if you "refuse" to let go? - 5/18/2008 12:50:04 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10692
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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While the topic of this thread was general as the OP stated below, it was fine as a stand alone thread in the Marriage folder.
quote:
I know the bible says "if the unbeliever leaves, let him go", but is it EVER the right thing to FIGHT for your marriage in such a way as to tell the spouse that left that you "refuse to allow them to give up on your marriage?"
Now that it has become more focused to the OP's situation, I am going to lock this thread and ask that discussion continue in the thread currently discussing the OP's marriage. It's easier on those giving thoughts and advice to have all the info in one thread, and makes forums flow smoother.
You can find the old thread HERE.
Thanks!
PrincessDonna
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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen. 2 Cor. 4:18
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A spouse can seek divorce without their partner's consent. You wouldn't have any control over whether someone chooses to leave or not. Legally there is nothing you can do (as far as I know). I don't think it would be wrong to wait for them (not dating, not remarrying in hopes they'll come back to you). But you have to follow the Holy Spirit's leading on that. If you don't, it could definitely end in disaster.
