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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 2:29:23 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Ryanne, do you ever have trouble with people not wanting to reach out and get involved in groups and then falling through the cracks and not feeling cared for? Just curious how you get people into the group...
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 2:35:32 PM
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solo_soprano22
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Our church always says that a key to a large church is small groups (or something like that). What I find that happens though is that the "small" groups are rather large. Even if someone is missing from there, people don't notice most of the time because there are so many...and I find that many groups get to a point where a lone new person can feel like an outisder...then they don't want to go back. I think the college group now is well over 500 people (not sure how many actually attend)...there are probably thousands of college students who are actually members though.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 2:39:32 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Well, I am one of those people who is hesitant to reach out, and they sucked me right in In all seriousness, there is a small group "plug" during announcements, and we have welcome centers in each lobby. Our church is super friendly, and very loving. If they manage to get your email address you will be given all the info on small groups for your geographic area and if you want, they will pass your info along to the group leaders. IME, they usually give all the info and then let people reach out so they don't seem pushy.
Our "membership class" is called "Community 101", you learn about the church and they go over all the areas plus all the small group leaders come and are available to talk with after class. We actually got involved as a result of the membership class, so I know it works, lol.
But, like any church, I am sure there are people who fall through the cracks although our welcome team(which Micah and I are on) does their darndest to make sure it doesn't happen. We usually make a point to reach out to younger couples like ourselves who we see for the first time and then try and do a follow up of some sort on another Sunday, or through email if we exchange addresses.
Solo, your "small groups" are about 10 x the size of ours, lol. Ours has about 15 regular people and that seems to be the typical size for home-groups. Now, the Young Adult group has about 150 people who attend, but that is held at the church not in someones home.
< Message edited by Mrs.Wifey -- 5/5/2008 2:45:46 PM >
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 2:50:24 PM
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Nicole_Michelle
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Our church has 6,000+ people that attend on the weekend (saturday night, sunday morning, sunday night) so that is why we wanted to start going to a small group. There is an information booth at the church to get this info. We just found it online. It just stinks that it took so long for her to find us a group and then not get a call from the leaders yet. If I was a small group leader I would call new people right away. Especially if they just moved to town. If we don't get a call me may try again or call her to see what is going on. Or we may just wait to find a smaller church and join a small group there. For now it doesn't bother me because I just can't be bothered with church related stuff.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 2:56:44 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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Nicole, why not call the leader yourself?
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:10:52 PM
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Nicole_Michelle
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Well for one we don't have their number. Lorne was just told their names. And right now we just don't feel like bothering with this. If they call they call. If we feel like it later on we will get a hold of someone. I just don't feel like we should be the ones trying to contact them when we did the first step already. And the lady in charge of finding people small groups is there to make sure things are going smoothly. And like I said, we just don't feel like bothering with this right now. We have other things to think of first that matter more to us.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:16:44 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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Something interesting that we have been talking about in our small group is the idea that the church is here to serve us, when really, we should be the ones serving and doing things within the church. Having been a Pastor's Kid, I have seen how much work goes into leading a small group, or pastoring a church and it really does take a lot of work AND time, especially when it's being done in conjunction with a full time job. It makes me wish that people would take the initiative instead of always expecting things to be done for them.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:26:43 PM
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Sideways
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So, nobody ever feels judged or embarrassed if they didn't attend church for something less then a communicable illness? I dunno, maybe I need to get involved more at my church or something.
I still can't say that I'd be comfortable with people calling to see why I wasn't in church. Now, if we had a need, we would call our elder, and he'd make sure people were praying for us. If we needed help, I'm sure he would do what he could as well.
I personally don't feel like I need people calling to see why I wasn't in church to feel part of a community, but that's just me. I'm happy for the people who do have the church family that they need.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:39:03 PM
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Nicole_Michelle
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
quote:
Having been a Pastor's Kid, I have seen how much work goes into leading a small group, or pastoring a church and it really does take a lot of work AND time, especially when it's being done in conjunction with a full time job. It makes me wish that people would take the initiative instead of always expecting things to be done for them.
Yes. Shane says all the time that people should come to church with their hands up and not their hands out. Not that you ladies have your hands out, but I think sometimes we just need to get in there and start serving how God wants you to serve. Pastors  volunteers.
We both totally get this since we saw first hand how hard it was just to get our group together. It failed 90% of the time and was frustrating since Lorne and I and another couple were the only ones trying to do things in our small group. And only a handful of people wanted to see change in our church. None of our ideas ever stuck whether it be crafts for kids, potlucks, cleaning, music or anything at all. After a while we all realized there was no point in trying if no one else wanted to put in the effort and help out. And that is why that church went kaputz and is now on its 4th pastor in 3 years.
That is why I say we will call if we feel like it later. But honestly we just can't be bothered right now. We may just decide to go to a church in our new town when we move again at the end of the year since we won't have to worry about driving a long distance every week. And maybe God knows something we don't know right now. Who knows! We really just need to figure out what we want and then we will make more of an effort, but for now we will just see if anything is done without us having to call people. By the way, it is really hard to get a hold of this lady. We had to try a few times before she even got back to us. It's not like we can just call and she will pick up. I am sure she is way too busy to deal with every email and every call quickly.
So yeah, we do make an effort and figured that out about 2 or so years ago. We always did make some effort, but never totally went out of our way before a couple years ago. If we want something done we always have to do it ourselves, and still most of the time it doesn't work out.
< Message edited by InBetweenDreams -- 5/5/2008 3:45:47 PM >
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:41:42 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
So, nobody ever feels judged or embarrassed if they didn't attend church for something less then a communicable illness? I dunno, maybe I need to get involved more at my church or something.
I don't, but then we really only miss if we're sick, out of town, or visiting my mom's church for a special thing. When people call to ask, it's not like, "And WHY were you not in church? Hmmm?????" It's more like, "Hey, we missed you this week. Is everything okay?"
I think if someone is missing church for other than necessary reasons, they need to ask God to help them evaluate WHY they are missing church. There may be good reason...I'm not going to judge that. But I also know how important it is to be part of a local body of believers. It's not good to be Lone Ranger Christians.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:41:58 PM
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LaurainAL
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Sarah: I was thinking about the way your church has been and I wonder if they just don't get it. Sometimes you just have to say, "We need help! Can a pastor or deacon give us a call or visit?" There has been a few times that Shane was absolutely clueless that a family was having hard times and they have come to him and asked him to come and visit with them. It is good to keep the lines of communication open.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:47:44 PM
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Nicole_Michelle
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
Sarah: I was thinking about the way your church has been and I wonder if they just don't get it. Sometimes you just have to say, "We need help! Can a pastor or deacon give us a call or visit?" There has been a few times that Shane was absolutely clueless that a family was having hard times and they have come to him and asked him to come and visit with them. It is good to keep the lines of communication open.
Sometimes I think that a pastor and his family lives are sometimes going through hard/stressful times so that is why they don't call and ask how people are doing. We saw this with our last pastor. When I was sick he came to our place to pray for me, but then never asked how I was doing when I came back to church. So I just told him what was up. He seemed lost and not very interested so I didn't bother after that. I just said hi to him like normal. Then I found out he was having troubles with his wife being really sick and depressed. We always knew something was up so we figured that is why he was so shut off to everyone. He eventually left the church to be with her which was the best decision in my opinion.
So that is why I am not worried yet. Maybe these leaders are dealing with too much and forgot to call, aren't in town or will call later when things cool down for them. If we don't hear from them in some time and we want we will try to get a hold of them or the lady in charge again.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:47:44 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
"Hey, we missed you this week. Is everything okay?"
Exactly. I just sent an email to a friend we normally see at church and throughout the month. They weren't in church yesterday and the email basically said "How is everything? We missed you yesterday!".
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:53:05 PM
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isaacsmom
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quote:
I don't, but then we really only miss if we're sick, out of town, or visiting my mom's church for a special thing. When people call to ask, it's not like, "And WHY were you not in church? Hmmm?????" It's more like, "Hey, we missed you this week. Is everything okay?"
Same here. If we are going out of town, they usually know it because hubby and I are the youth directors and I'm on the worship team so we need to make arrangements to have our class taught, etc. But otherwise, we just don't miss unless we're sick or something is wrong and so that's why they always call. We feel convicted if we stay home unecessarily. But that's just us personally. We have a lot of responsibility in the church, plus our kiddos just love to be there so we always make sure to take them.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 3:53:32 PM
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myka
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I've noticed recently that certain churches (most that are around here) are more willing to help dads with cooking/ childcare/etc when the women are out of commission (health, out of town) than they are willing to help moms with the same activities. I also know that there are more men who do a significant part of those activities -- maybe it is just an assumption on people's part.
Sarah, would someone else be able to hold the baby?
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 4:00:11 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
I've noticed recently that certain churches (most that are around here) are more willing to help dads with cooking/ childcare/etc when the women are out of commission (health, out of town) than they are willing to help moms with the same activities. I also know that there are more men who do a significant part of those activities -- maybe it is just an assumption on people's part.
I do find that most moms/wives don't want/need help if their husbands are sick, had surgery, or whatever. I do ask though (I do the meal ministry in our church, for those who don't know), just in case.
I know we received meals after Hannah was in the hospital with pneumonia, but not when Brian had all his teeth removed. The difference was the load on me with Hannah's sickness was much greater than with Brian's surgery recovery. I don't think anyone even asked if we needed anything after Brian's surgery, but honestly, we didn't, so it didn't bother me.
No, I don't arrange meals for our family if we need them. A good friend, one of our pastor's wives, take care of that for our family.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 4:26:02 PM
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myka
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quote:
I do find that most moms/wives don't want/need help if their husbands are sick, had surgery, or whatever. I do ask though (I do the meal ministry in our church, for those who don't know), just in case.
I think what gets to me is that no one asks around here.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 4:36:48 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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. I am not happy you are dealing with the same things always, but I am happy knowing you will totally understand me when I do get frustrated and want to not deal with certain church things anymore. ((((((Sarah))))))