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miller2000 -> pastor (3/16/2008 6:05:17 PM)

i have a pastor i like but i dont know if she feels the same. i dont wont to put her in a bad situation. i woul dlike her to be one of my guilds to learn to follow God. should i not have her as my guild or is there away to tell if she feels anything towords me?
confused



Kat_D -> RE: pastor (3/16/2008 6:14:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: miller2000

i have a pastor i like but i dont know if she feels the same. i dont wont to put her in a bad situation. i woul dlike her to be one of my guilds to learn to follow God. should i not have her as my guild or is there away to tell if she feels anything towords me?
confused


What is a guild?



agapetos -> RE: pastor (3/16/2008 7:54:49 PM)

Guide I think.



miller2000 -> RE: pastor (3/16/2008 8:13:02 PM)

yes i ment guide sorry



Kat_D -> RE: pastor (3/16/2008 9:24:45 PM)

Do you want her as your "guide" (not sure what that means exactly) because you like her and want to be close to her or because you think she could help you to grow spiritually?



miller2000 -> RE: pastor (3/16/2008 9:34:15 PM)

yes as a guide i wont her to help me grow spiritually and i woul dlike to get close to her later in my growth. i'm drawn to her to be my guide but before that i did have feelings for her.



Kat_D -> RE: pastor (3/16/2008 10:00:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: miller2000

yes as a guide i wont her to help me grow spiritually and i woul dlike to get close to her later in my growth. i'm drawn to her to be my guide but before that i did have feelings for her.


That will be difficult because you already have feelings for her and will it be hard to separate the two. I would suggest you find someone else to disciple you.

Regarding finding out how she feels about you...ask her out for a cup of coffee and see if she says yes. You have to start somewhere.



miller2000 -> RE: pastor (3/16/2008 10:05:12 PM)

i was thinking of seperating what i ask her and my other guide. for example work with her on spiritial warfare or something like that.



Kat_D -> RE: pastor (3/16/2008 10:22:09 PM)

When you say "guide" I'm still not quite sure what that means. That is not a term that most Christians churches I am familiar with use. What exactly does a "guide" do?



miller2000 -> RE: pastor (3/16/2008 10:23:47 PM)

i guess mentor is a better word



tenfour -> RE: pastor (3/17/2008 12:13:20 AM)

To me, it seems like a bad idea to try to make your love interest and spiritual mentor the same person. In a healthy relationship, the two people should be at about the same spiritual maturity so they can grow together. If one of them is like a mentor, it is more like a parent-child relationship.



jaimestarcross -> RE: pastor (3/17/2008 12:24:01 AM)

If you are interested in your female minister.... I would suggest seeking out
a mature Christian brother in Christ to mentor you if you are seeking spiritual
knowledge/education and some form of counseling in matters that pertain to men and their roles in ministry.



preserved -> RE: pastor (3/19/2008 6:18:57 PM)

I think you are struggling with two issues here. She is your pastor and you have feelings for her...You also want her to be your mentor...

I agree with Jamiecross...you need to seek a christian brother (deacon) or elder of sort to mentor to you. You need to understand the role of a pastor and the role of a mentor...The pastor responsibility is to preach, and teach the word. A mentor is one who can help you during your christian walk. A Pastor has a calling from God to do God's work. Whether she has an interest....the only way to find out is ask her...It's going to be awkward...Chances are she may not be interested. You have an interest in her for a personal relationship...She maynot see you in that same capacity..I suggest you pray first before you ask



digital_angel -> RE: pastor (3/19/2008 10:40:48 PM)

Pastor, has many admires.

As a counsellor , Can not .

Because you has a feeling, everything you tell her, ask guideness will influences with your likeness.. to get her empathy, to get her love you, and things you going to tell will be limited edition . HAHAHAHA

I suggest, find other counsellor, for example this forum, or find a man as your counsellor.

A pastor as a lover ?, How is your closeness God and you? can you be a good father to her in the future ? Better mind than her ? be a good partner in life ?




slushie -> RE: pastor (6/27/2008 3:41:25 PM)

I agree with this poster. Digital_angel raises some good points as well. You should find another mentor and focus on growing with God before you step into a relationship. Otherwise, you'll be associating your relationship with the person you like, and if the person you like (the pastor) ends up liking someone else, you'll end up really burnt. Or might end up really burnt.

Don't be following God just BECAUSE of this pastor.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenfour

To me, it seems like a bad idea to try to make your love interest and spiritual mentor the same person. In a healthy relationship, the two people should be at about the same spiritual maturity so they can grow together. If one of them is like a mentor, it is more like a parent-child relationship.



gaylel1 -> RE: pastor (6/28/2008 4:22:33 AM)

Dangerous, dangerous situation here. Run, Run, Run as fast as you can and seek a christian male in this area.



1love1God1way -> RE: pastor (6/28/2008 11:59:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gaylel1

Dangerous, dangerous situation here. Run, Run, Run as fast as you can and seek a christian male in this area.


Errr.

I don't know if it's that extreme.

The problem is, you simply won't be able to separate the feelings from the spiritual guidance, because, as humans, we are so interconnected. It is noble to try, but be honest, you said you want to get close to her down the road, so you know that it's going to happen sooner than that. . .

If you want to get to know her, don't cover it up with spiritual guidance. Just get to know her.

You should have a man as a mentor, so that your level of accountability is much stronger.



Liveloved -> RE: pastor (6/29/2008 12:29:02 AM)

quote:

i have a pastor i like but i dont know if she feels the same. i dont wont to put her in a bad situation. i woul dlike her to be one of my guilds to learn to follow God. should i not have her as my guild or is there away to tell if she feels anything towords me?
confused


There is no way I would enter into a relationship with this person as a spiritual guide. A spiritual guide needs to be someone you have confidence in to direct your life with Christ, in every aspect of your life and relationship with Him. Someone you have 'feelings' for should be automatically eliminated from this type of position. Generally a spiritual guide is an older individual who you have observed for a long time and have seen a life that exemplifies the Christlife. Nothing you've shared gives me the impression this is that kind of person.

It sounds more like you are looking for a relationship, a friend or love relationship. I'd agree with Kat. Ask her out and see how she responds.



creationtalk -> RE: pastor (6/29/2008 8:17:10 AM)

As a general rule, I believe that a spiritual mentor should be of the same sex as the person needing a mentor. The mentoring relationship can lead to very close interpersonal relationships and for people of the opposite sex this can lead to unscriptural behavior (on the part of one or both parties) or a relationship that is focused on itself rather than God. I believe that it is Biblical for men to mentor men and women to mentor women.

In this case it is even more important that the mentoring relationship be kept separate from your pastor. This is because you are hoping for a romantic relationship with her. Biblically, the man is supposed to be the spiritual head of the household. This does not mean that he cannot learn spiritually from his wife, but that he is Biblically mandated to be the lead. If she is his mentor, then by definition, she is the lead spiritually.

Two people in a romantic relationship can strengthen their relationship and grow in the Lord by engaging in Bible study together, but this is quite different than a mentoring relationship.



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