First date insecurities?

First date insecurities? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

“I’m not his/her type.”

20% (9)

“I’m afraid I'm going to do something stupid.”

20% (9)

“What if I have to let this person down eventually?”

11% (5)

“I’ll accidentally offend my date.”

2% (1)

“I’m terrible at small talk.”

28% (13)

“Ending the date is so awkward.”

6% (3)

Other (explain below)

8% (4)

None. I'm flawless and have no insecurities

2% (1)

Total Votes : 45

(last vote on : 6/1/2008 5:22:00 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

Grace-N-Mercy -> First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 7:19:33 PM)
Let's face it. We all have insecurities about a first date. I just found an interesting article from MSN.com HERE and have shamelessly taken the list of common insecurities (with my own edits) and posted here. Please don't put others down for having insecurities. This is an opportunity to build others up with brotherly love as well as to laugh at our own mistakes. What insecurities have bothered you? How have you overcome these insecurities? How can you help others overcome these fears? Any first-date blunders to share? [:D]

collie1 -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 7:57:52 PM)
My biggest fear is saying something really stupid, in any situation. I am known for that. In a dating situation, especially a blind date which I have never been on, it would be like my worst nigtmare coming true.

Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 8:08:03 PM)
Hey, Collie! I've had that fear before, and have said some stupid things, too. Well, I thought they sounded stupid. Then I would get all flustered and things would go downhill from there. Eventually, I had to learn to relax and just be myself. Usually, my perceptions were all wrong and they didn't think anything of it. But if they thought something sounded stupid, that was their problem.

Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 8:10:50 PM)
My insecurity is believing I'm not his type. I'll make this up in my mind way too quickly and sabbotage the whole relationship. I know I do this, tell myself I will never do it again, and bam, the next guy who says hello, I'm judging whether or not he likes me. [8\|] Yep, I'm a master at this. [:D]

John_O -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 8:57:49 PM)
I think I'd rather have a first date at the museum or at the zoo. I'm interested in finances as much as the next guy but having the first date in securities sounds kind of boring. What would you do for the second date? Trade futures?

dinomax55 -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:05:33 PM)
what about mergers and acquisitions? [:D] Seriously, even the smoothest operator has some insecurities.. sometimes those little quirks help to take the pressure off of a date. knowing that the person across the table is human and makes mistakes can help keep them off of the pedestal that we tend to put them on..

LabGuy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:08:17 PM)
I don't see an option for mind-numbing terror... ? Disclaimer: Poster has essentially zero experience in this area, so this is kinda hypothetical. Maybe. Sorta? I'd have to pick multiple options (can you do that?) Probably covered under "Not their type" would be the concern that there really isn't any interest and you're just being humored. (That sums up the one or two dates - depending on how you count - that I've ever had in my life quite nicely.) I think we all fear doing something stupid, and thereby killing any interest there might have been. Being terrible at small talk - check. Worrying about letting the person down? I dunno if that's so much of a first date insecurity as more of a "relationship anxiety". My fervent prayer is that if God ever does bless me with a relationship, that I do not hurt her in any way, shape, or form. Now all I need is a date to be insecure about... -Robb

Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:08:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: John_O What would you do for the second date? Trade futures? I don't take much stock in futures on the first or second date. Give it time. [;)]

Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:13:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dinomax55 what about mergers and acquisitions? [:D] Seriously, even the smoothest operator has some insecurities.. sometimes those little quirks help to take the pressure off of a date. knowing that the person across the table is human and makes mistakes can help keep them off of the pedestal that we tend to put them on.. I remember long ago when I used to think that certain people had no insecurities, at least nothing like mine. If we just treat them like a Christian brother/sister, we'd shed some of our insecurities.

Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:15:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LabGuy I don't see an option for mind-numbing terror... ? Disclaimer: Poster has essentially zero experience in this area, so this is kinda hypothetical. Maybe. Sorta? I'd have to pick multiple options (can you do that?) Probably covered under "Not their type" would be the concern that there really isn't any interest and you're just being humored. (That sums up the one or two dates - depending on how you count - that I've ever had in my life quite nicely.) I think we all fear doing something stupid, and thereby killing any interest there might have been. Being terrible at small talk - check. Worrying about letting the person down? I dunno if that's so much of a first date insecurity as more of a "relationship anxiety". My fervent prayer is that if God ever does bless me with a relationship, that I do not hurt her in any way, shape, or form. Now all I need is a date to be insecure about... -Robb Yes, you can choose multiple selections. Oh, the worst kind of date is a "pity date". That should be up there too, shouldn't it??

John_O -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:18:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy Oh, the worst kind of date is a "pity date". That should be up there too, shouldn't it?? I've always wondered how people get so evil as to do pity dates. Like it's not bad enough that I can't get a date now you have to rub my nose in it?! I really can't stand lying in a relationship (or any other time for that matter) and any date where there's not interest, is lying.

shemaromans -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:23:40 PM)
Great idea for a thread, Michelle! And excellent financial puns! I have two insecurities although I don't really think of them them as insecurities, per se, but rather as potential hinderences. 1. I'm not great at small talk. It takes a while for me to open up to people that I don't know really well, and my lack of small talk expertise compounds this difficulty. I'm a great listener, though, and am learning how to ask questions better. 2. Whether I'm comfortable with someone or not, I often drift into Shemaland. It's a place that I love, but I sometimes don't realize that I'm there. It might present a problem when someone doesn't know me well. My time in Shemaland might make them think that I'm not having a good time or am not interested in getting to know them.

Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:38:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shemaromans Great idea for a thread, Michelle! And excellent financial puns! I have two insecurities although I don't really think of them them as insecurities, per se, but rather as potential hinderences. 1. I'm not great at small talk. It takes a while for me to open up to people that I don't know really well, and my lack of small talk expertise compounds this difficulty. I'm a great listener, though, and am learning how to ask questions better. 2. Whether I'm comfortable with someone or not, I often drift into Shemaland. It's a place that I love, but I sometimes don't realize that I'm there. It might present a problem when someone doesn't know me well. My time in Shemaland might make them think that I'm not having a good time or am not interested in getting to know them. Hey, Shema. First of all, I don't see where you're lacking at small-talk. You do a fine job communicating here. "Shemaland" - cute! [:D]

utilityfielder -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:49:06 PM)
quote: 1. I'm not great at small talk. It takes a while for me to open up to people that I don't know really well, and my lack of small talk expertise compounds this difficulty. I'm a great listener, though, and am learning how to ask questions better. I am the same way. Talking to someone I don't know is very difficult.

LabGuy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:56:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: John_O quote: ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy Oh, the worst kind of date is a "pity date". That should be up there too, shouldn't it?? I've always wondered how people get so evil as to do pity dates. Like it's not bad enough that I can't get a date now you have to rub my nose in it?! I really can't stand lying in a relationship (or any other time for that matter) and any date where there's not interest, is lying. Well, in my case I wouldn't ascribe malicious intent to either girl. The first one is questionable as to whether it was even a date. I was in high school and even more clueless than I am now, so I wasn't real clear about the whole thing to her. Hence my uncertainty as to whether you would say I've been on one or two dates. The other one I think was just taken by surprise and just felt awkward about it and didn't know how to say no. I was probably just an idiot to even ask. -Robb

LabGuy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 9:57:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: utilityfielder quote: 1. I'm not great at small talk. It takes a while for me to open up to people that I don't know really well, and my lack of small talk expertise compounds this difficulty. I'm a great listener, though, and am learning how to ask questions better. I am the same way. Talking to someone I don't know is very difficult. I'll third that. Which is why I don't think I could ever do a blind date sort of thing. -Robb

shemaromans -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 10:03:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy Hey, Shema. First of all, I don't see where you're lacking at small-talk. You do a fine job communicating here. "Shemaland" - cute! [:D] Thanks, Michelle, but I'm much more talktive here now than I was when I first joined. Shemaland's a very real place!

humbleinspirit -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 10:04:42 PM)
My biggest fear is getting that date in the first place.

Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 10:07:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shemaromans quote: ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy Hey, Shema. First of all, I don't see where you're lacking at small-talk. You do a fine job communicating here. "Shemaland" - cute! [:D] Thanks, Michelle, but I'm much more talktive here now than I was when I first joined. Shemaland's a very real place! It's amazing how this place helps us to become more comfortable with relating to others. I have no doubt it's a real place. I have one of those places too. [:D] It's very comfy, cozy, and fluffy.

Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 10:09:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit My biggest fear is getting that date in the first place. Is this like a fear of success? Like "wow, I got the date. Now what do I do if she likes me?"

humbleinspirit -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 10:10:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy quote: ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit My biggest fear is getting that date in the first place. Is this like a fear of success? Like "wow, I got the date. Now what do I do if she likes me?" Hmmmm, I do not know!

AdrianaS -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/23/2008 10:15:22 PM)
My problem I think is commom to anyone who is not speaking their mother tongue and have not profeciency in the language, trying to communicate with...dont know what happens with people listen to a foreigner speaking broke that they start to talk as they do with kids very very slow or start to make faces to understand sometimes as they are not used to listen their languages spoken in broken ways..or they may speak louder..yep. Most people do understand me and sure at first they have to get used with my tempo, melody and they way I express in English. But even in my mother tongue Iam creative when I speak and funny too. [:D] Iam a conversacionalist big time and I never forget a friend when we first meet and etc without thinking told me: "you think, you thin. I like that" LOL its funny because many people have ideia about things and they get surprise is not so. Its funny because even speaking broke etc I end up making friendship with educated people or very informed interesting ones. As another even insisted me to study some stuff very difficult to my level in understanding but he was English and an educator etc I do have now a natural radar for people who are open to internationals and the ones who are not and when I observe and see the reception towards my expressing being positive and interested I just keep expressing and we have grea exchanges. The opposite feedback is like a wall, we both cut short and that is it.

ebony101 -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/24/2008 4:02:48 AM)
I don't worry much about small talk - at least it's a very tiny, niggling fear. I don't really think that I'm a great conversationalist, but what I tend to notice is that I can carry on a good conversation once I'm interested in you. If conversation is difficult then the initial attraction quickly fades away. I think that honesty and communication are two important aspects to any relationship. [:o] Hmm, did I go off topic - Sorry, I've got a lot on my mind right now. [&o]

cammo2006 -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/24/2008 8:10:58 AM)
Pretty much all of the above. [:D] Add in the fact I have zero experience with regard to dates and... well, it's easy to understand why I'm nervous about that.

Tinkerbell_ -> RE: First date insecurities? (3/24/2008 8:30:49 AM)
My insecurities are pretty much like everyone else's. They won't like me as much, I'll embarrass myself (which I have...more to come), stuff like that. I think I have become more relaxed though and tried not to stress as much about it. I always try to look at it like, "Well, if it doesn't work out we can still be friends!" apparently it worked TOO well because I have a LOT of guy friends. grin As for embarrassing myself...hmmm...I have spilled red wine on a date, choked on something once and had such a severe coughing fit I had to excuse myself and go throw up in the bathroom, ran into an ex-boyfriend and have him say, "Oh man! Let me tell you what you're getting yourself into!" and once Thing 1 called so many times I ended up having to turn my phone off. [8\|] This is a great thread Michelle! beams

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