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XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/17/2008 1:06:28 PM
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_MavericK_
Posts: 6016
Joined: 4/4/2007
From: Texas, wild and free
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For those of you who don't remember, the PILLOW thread is our venting, crying, screaming, and comforting thread. We haven't had one in awhile, but I think we could do with a new one. I know I need it and I'm sure some of you do, too.
_____________________________
<--- story of my life.
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/17/2008 1:16:34 PM
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_MavericK_
Posts: 6016
Joined: 4/4/2007
From: Texas, wild and free
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I shall now be the first to scream into the pillow.
Why does everything go crazy at once? Why can't the bad stuff just take a number and get in line so I can deal with it in a sane and collected manner? Well, regardless of why it can't, I've now been drowned in two of the biggest probems I've had to face in awhile.
One. I finally got up my nerve to face my number-one fear of rejection and send Jared a letter and find out exactly what we are, or what we were, or WHAT. I don't like this stupid confusion I've been living in lately. It's not worth it any more. We either need to work it out or call it off and save our friendship. But I'm sooo nervous. GAH!!!!!!!!
Two. I've done so well not procrastinating with my history courses. I knew we had a midterm due soon, because I saw the drop box for my paper. I waited awhile for instructions so I would know how to write it. When I didn't get any, I emailed my professor. It was due three days ago. I need to drop the course but I don't think my parents can get their money back. I don't know WHAT to do...
_____________________________
<--- story of my life.
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/17/2008 7:48:31 PM
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rae_of_light
Posts: 3506
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From: The true North strong and free!
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Aww, Steph. I'm sorry that you have to go through all that. I don't know much about relationships, but I know a lot about overdue work! I'll be praying for you, the Lord will see you through this all!!
*sigh* Tomorrow I go to NY. Again. Don't get me wrong, I love it there, but I'm not looking forward to the trip. And I learned that I'm gonna be at the same hotel as this family that I know. The family itself is cool, but there's this one guy and, y'see, we.... don't get along. Understatement of the year, but I'm sure you all get the picture!  Tis a long story, and I won't bore anyone with it. But it will be a test of my heart, because I sure don't want to do anything un-Christlike.
_____________________________
I feel alive
And it hurts for a change
And looking back and it's hard to believe
That I was cool
With the days that I wasted complacent and tasteless and bored but
That was yesterday
"Never Going Back to OK", the Afters
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/17/2008 8:21:05 PM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 9328
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stephiroth
I've done so well not procrastinating...
I haven't.
I have 30-some books to do before I can send in my college application. This seems impossible, especially considering my mind not cooperating with me most of the time.
Gah.
_____________________________
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/17/2008 8:29:48 PM
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PrincessButtercup
Posts: 9728
Joined: 4/21/2007
From: not my home...
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Ok so.
I have no idea where the heck I'm going to be within the next couple of months. Will I be here working at the local talk station? Will I be in Tennessee at the Christian radio station? Or will I be in South Carolina working and/or taking classes? I have no idea. *STRESS!!!*
Also, I'm pretty darn angry at some things going on at my old school where my younger sisters still attend. I want so badly to bust the door down in a school board meeting and beat all those jerks over the head with a fifty pound Bible for messing people over. Stupid....
Blah.
_____________________________
I need you more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up, Buttercup, don't break my heart...
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/17/2008 10:25:51 PM
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ShutterBox
Posts: 1052
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Thank you, Steph!
Man... i do understand. Things are way stressful here -_-
my mum's not doing so good. her entire family is having some problems it seems with health and other things, and a family friend we've had for over ten years now has cancer, and it's really upsetting mum.... and when she's stressed and upset, it's like this bad aura just lingers in the house.....and her health isn't so awesome because of all the stress she's under.
speaking of 'house', we're trying to sell ours, and my parents worry too much about it because we have a dead line(military). I know every thing's going to work out but I wish that my folks wouldn't worry so much.
My dad is constantly in Iraq, and I don't live with him so I never see him, and I feel guilty about it even though it's not my fault.
I'm also pretty unsure of where I'll be here in the very near future. It's driving me crazy thinking about it and not making any progress.
It seems to me things are worked up more then they should be. And with the current atmosphere here, I'm about to suffocate. Just a lot of things have been bugging me and I've had no outlet to express that.
*buries self in pillow*
< Message edited by ShutterBox -- 4/17/2008 11:54:25 PM >
_____________________________
The Picture Muse
Adopted Sibs:
Rae
Elizabeth
Nikki
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/17/2008 11:50:01 PM
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LJ17
Posts: 506
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From: Georgia
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AHHH!!! I have to be at the church at 5:30 in the morning to go on a youth trip to Little Rock, Arkansas. It is midnight and I have a five page research paper to write and I have to pack. *sighs*
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-Laken Jade
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/18/2008 2:26:08 PM
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rae_of_light
Posts: 3506
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From: The true North strong and free!
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I'm sorry, Ash! I can't imagine what it'd be like to see your dad so rarely. And yeah, I understand, when your mum's upset, nothing seems right! I'll be praying for you.
_____________________________
I feel alive
And it hurts for a change
And looking back and it's hard to believe
That I was cool
With the days that I wasted complacent and tasteless and bored but
That was yesterday
"Never Going Back to OK", the Afters
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/18/2008 3:47:55 PM
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Fadooca_
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Joined: 2/8/2008
From: NY
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OK..I'm really, really tired. I barely slept last night and spent most of my time lying in bed feeling like I was going to throw up. I have a paper to write, and I haven't decided on the topic yet. I haven't been feeling really great the last few days. And my sister's sick, which means I'll probably get sick TOO.
_____________________________
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - 1 Corinthians 13:6-7
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/18/2008 3:52:37 PM
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_MavericK_
Posts: 6016
Joined: 4/4/2007
From: Texas, wild and free
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(((Lizzy)))
Bummer... I got sick yesterday on top of everything else. And I have a paper I should be writing, too. You shouldn't be THAT much of my Mini Me, Lizzy. *more hugs*
_____________________________
<--- story of my life.
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/18/2008 3:55:44 PM
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_MavericK_
Posts: 6016
Joined: 4/4/2007
From: Texas, wild and free
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Ugh, me too. Can you say 3 hrs of sleep? I'm a zombie.
Lace was right! 
_____________________________
<--- story of my life.
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/18/2008 3:56:46 PM
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DreadPirateRandy
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I know what it's like to be sick. It's just now getting out of my system.
There's no suckitude like getting sick the night before one of the most vital tests of your life. Fun.
_____________________________
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/18/2008 4:01:43 PM
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_MavericK_
Posts: 6016
Joined: 4/4/2007
From: Texas, wild and free
Status: offline
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Ya, the first time I took it I had a broken finger thanks to Jared's dad and a paintball game I should not have been playing. It made writing very difficult.
_____________________________
<--- story of my life.
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/18/2008 6:02:10 PM
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ChiefWannahakaloogie
Posts: 6364
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: under your bed
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quote:
Lace was right!
of course!
now
*eats pillow*
_____________________________
Ich bin eine wütende bäcker frau, und iche backe dich
*food*
Ice cream love
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/18/2008 9:25:42 PM
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ShutterBox
Posts: 1052
Joined: 4/12/2005
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*hugs*
_____________________________
The Picture Muse
Adopted Sibs:
Rae
Elizabeth
Nikki
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/18/2008 11:12:47 PM
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_MavericK_
Posts: 6016
Joined: 4/4/2007
From: Texas, wild and free
Status: offline
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(((Cass)))
_____________________________
<--- story of my life.
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/19/2008 5:30:25 AM
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jesusfreak94
Posts: 4310
Joined: 9/11/2007
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okaa i haven't been on here in a while. but i sure could use the fluffy pillow. lately, i've been so confused. alot of emotions have been rising up in me lately. its been driving me crazy. also, i've had this terrible feeling of loneliness. i mean it can make no sense, i have ppl constantly texting me, IMing me, talking to me, etc. but its this intense feeling of loneliness and despair. i am just so tired of it. it seems like i'm not truly happy anymore. and its killing me. no one expects it from me, so like only one of my friend knows. since this is the fluffy pillow thread, i'll go ahead and post this....i got so desperate at one point i almost cut myself. i had an oppurtunity. and i had the knife right in front of me. everything in my mind was screaming for me to cut myself. just do it. but Chase had me promise him a few days earlier that no matter what, i would never cut myself. so that promise was also just this little voice in my head. i don't break my word. ever. and so i had a fight between myself in my head. whether he wouldn't know if i cut myself, but that he's a good friend. and i gave him my word. and i NEVER break my word.. i take it very seriously. so i didn't. thats about the only thing that stopped me from cutting.still, that screaming thought comes that says maybe if i cut myself it'll help me release some anger. but i fight it. and to top it all off i am failing algebra. though thats not the biggest of my worries ((though it is my parent's)). so i am grounded from everything until after school. except on the weekends. so i can only talk to ppl on the weekends. :[
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i want to do more than just....exist.
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RE: XT - The Fluffy Pillow - 4/19/2008 5:54:24 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 9328
Joined: 6/5/2006
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Those voices inside of your head are inviting you to play a game. A game you know you don't want to begin, but they're so convincing and ever-so inviting that it makes it hard to refuse the urges when they present themselves.
Harming yourself on the outside is only going to further the hurt on the inside.
I know what it's like to face those crazy emotions. Back when I first became a Christian, I constantly had a voice trying to invite to participate into really sick and twisted things. Every night I spent curled up in my bed, usually with tears in my eyes, begging for liberation from that. As days went on, it only appeared to become worse. One afternoon, my parents were leaving town and I had as all as I could mentally take. I swore on that afternoon that if things didn't get better, that I was | | |
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*lots of hugs back* I just want to go to bed right now. 
