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RE: #18 on the way - 5/12/2008 6:06:30 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 1429
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany
quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany
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ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
I got unsolicited sympathy with #3. I doubt #4 is going to be better. 
However, this time when they say "Oh, you're trying for a girl?" I'm going to say "No. A baseball team". 
LOVE it! I'm going to say "We're going to keep going till we get an ugly one" I totally am.
Sandy
Please, please do not say that. Just reading that statement made me internally go through a wave of emotions over different things that were said to me growing up, some in reference to being compared with my sister, some not. If you want specific details, you can PM me, but please, please, please, Maggie, and BlessedMama(sorry, not sure of your real name), please do not say that. I mean, the 2nd one. The baseball one is cute.
I was just kidding of course, but I'm sorry I hurt your feelings One.
How about, "We're hoping to outnumber the idiots?"
That's OK, I knew it wasn't a personal slam from you to me. I was just thinking of the emotions it could cause if you did say it to someone not knowing of their background. And the words could come back to haunt a person if the next child was born disfigured or disabled, or something.
And, I'm not trying to pick on you, but I don't think outnumbering the idiots is a good response either. I know it can be annoying when people say rude, ignorant things about your choice to have many children, but the Bible has so much to say about being gracious, not returning evil for evil, a gentle answer turns away wrath, etc. I don't know, I just don't think a sarcastic comeback is the best advertisement for the QF's. Even though I haven't always agreed with everything about the Duggars, I do admire the fact that when they are asked about the reason(s) for their large family, they always answer graciously, without sarcasm, and in a way, that to me, at least, doesn't seem to put down other family's decisions.
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And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail. Isaiah 58:11
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/12/2008 6:06:37 PM
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3tulips
Posts: 357
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From: sandy shore
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
Yeah, I don't really buy much into what the kids say as long as they are under Mom & Dad's roof. They have to smile and make nice for the cameras.
Maybe some of them really do enjoy it, but I don't think it's quite as purty and perfect as they show on TV.
One kid accidentally slipped up during a special and said "if I have children", and it was one of the girls, too. I have to wonder if anyone if in the family caught that.
I noticed that. Also one of the girls made a face. When they had their house built and they had that show at the home, one boy went into this crawl space area. (Like a very small closet.) The camera person asked him why that was his favorite spot in the house and he said "Because I can be alone." I wonder if they can use the bathroom one at a time.
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I opened up the mouth of love and found the wisdom tooth. Larry Norman 1947 - 2008
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/12/2008 6:23:14 PM
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ddsisson
Posts: 411
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From: Indiana
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lpt
How many children did the Patriarch Jacob/Israel have? Large families, historically speaking, aren't all that unusual.
That was in the distant past. But modern times it is looked at as very odd or weird. As some one else in the thread said, I wouldn't have that many(can't now anyway), but more power to them.
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I'm going to say "We're going to keep going till we get an ugly one" I totally am.
LOL too funny. I know that this is just to get a reaction out of people.
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ORIGINAL: Karaboo2
I always get the "Don't you know what causes this?" comments when people realize we're expecting #5 ... we just smile and reply that "We have a list of 25 possiblities, and we're crossing them off one by one ... so far golf is not a contributing factor in the baby department." ... they shush up and walk away quite quickly -- either shocked that someone *dare* speak back, or mortified at the thought of 25 children!
BTW ... we found out that someone called CPS on us because we are pregnant with #5 ... apparently this person thought 5 children was considered neglectful, as there is "no-way kids can get individual attention" (I found out who called, and she had a hysterectomy after #2 because she couldn't cope with the concept of having any more children -- hers were already driving her up the wall ... she was counting down until school started three years later)
The comment part is funny, the other part is sad about being called to CPS just because this other person thought 5 was too many.
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Blessings from God are not numbers based - IMO
I agree.
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<--------That is Daisy.
Debbie Sisson-Homeschool Mom of Greg(17yo-junior), Megan(14yo-8th), Tyler(11yo-5th)
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/12/2008 6:40:34 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2237
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From: Newberg, OR
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3tulips
I grew up in a large Christian family. I was one of the older ones taking care of one of the younger ones. It always gets to me when they ask the kids if they like the big family. What are they suppose to say? "No, someone get me out of here!" None of my siblings or I told our true feelings. We would just smile and nod. Frankly, I hated it. I hated the amount of chores. I hated not being able to go to so many places that my friends could go to. I worked as soon as I could so I had money AND more time away from home. I have 2 siblings that refuse to have kids and one that only gets together with us at Christmas because he was "overloaded" on family togtherness growing up.
I don't blame you. I was raised an only child and I'm glad for it. People would ask me "Don't you wish you had a sister or brother?" And, I would always say no. I was the type of kid who needed a lot of attention and not too much work. My oldest is the same way. I kinda wish I could have one more baby, but I don't think it would be fair to my oldest. I don't think he could go through that again.
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/12/2008 10:28:29 PM
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TammyIsBlessed
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Wow, I think you're the first only child I've heard say they are glad they were the only. All the ones I know say that they will for sure have at least 2 kids because they don't want their children to have the same childhood they did.
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/12/2008 10:57:42 PM
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PrudentWife
Posts: 2125
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From: The Promised Land
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TammyIsBlessed
Wow, I think you're the first only child I've heard say they are glad they were the only. All the ones I know say that they will for sure have at least 2 kids because they don't want their children to have the same childhood they did.
I was an only until I was 11, loved it, and was not afraid to tell anyone who asked.
My father is one of 5 children. All his brothers had one child only. My cousins also loved growing up as only children.
Now that I think about it, I've never known any only child who has been unhappy without siblings. My best friend is an only and loves it.
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/12/2008 11:18:23 PM
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Karaboo2
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I was an only and totally hated it ... mind you, it was even worse because I was the only child in the whole neighbourhood! (I was raised by my grandmother and great-uncle, so it was pretty much strictly seniors in my area)
I ended up pretty much living in my room reading, or at the library, or doing a jigsaw at the dining room table ... no social life whatsoever (outside of choir and chess club!)
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Kara
"I am not here. I am lost. I have gone to find myself. If I should get back before I return, please ask me to wait!"
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 12:10:57 AM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2237
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From: Newberg, OR
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TammyIsBlessed
Wow, I think you're the first only child I've heard say they are glad they were the only. All the ones I know say that they will for sure have at least 2 kids because they don't want their children to have the same childhood they did.
LOL! I got a taste of what it was like to have an older sister. For about a year and half my grandpa's GF was roommates with me and my mom and she had a daughter three years older than me. They used to come camping with me and grandpa too. Talk about slave labor. She told me I said bad words in my sleep and that if I didn't do what she said, she would tell on me. She used to give me really bad noogies too. She would scare me so bad sometimes with fake spiders in my bed and stuff. I was a really sensitive emotional kid too, so everything made me cry. LOL...It was pretty bad. But, yeah she could cure anyone of longing for a sister.
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 8:10:38 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
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{{{Oneofhisjewels}}}
I am sorry.
I'm not sure I actually have the guts to be rude or sarcastic to people. Most of that was just venting. People have *no* problem being rude to me, making cracks about fertility, saying *stupid* things in front of my children (implying that we had #3 because we wanted a girl) etc, sometimes I do with I could say something smart alecky back.
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Shameless Self Promotion
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 8:15:28 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
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quote:
One kid accidentally slipped up during a special and said "if I have children", and it was one of the girls, too. I have to wonder if anyone if in the family caught that.
How do you know if that's a slip? I want hordes more children but I say "if" too, because I don't want to presume I know God's plan for me. I am not always consistent about it, but I have friends who *never* say "I am going to do thus and such". It's always "I may...." and "Lord willing...."
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"Children are durable and don’t necessarily wilt under adversity, just as our children don’t necessarily thrive under luxury and comfort." Garrison Keillor
Shameless Self Promotion
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 8:22:41 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12218
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From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
{{{Oneofhisjewels}}}
I am sorry.
I'm not sure I actually have the guts to be rude or sarcastic to people. Most of that was just venting. People have *no* problem being rude to me, making cracks about fertility, saying *stupid* things in front of my children (implying that we had #3 because we wanted a girl) etc, sometimes I do with I could say something smart alecky back.
when people are intentionally rude or mean about our choices in the kid department, I have no problem telling them (in a nice way) to keep their noses out of our bedroom. It hasn't happened often, but it does happen. My brother and SIL get it ALL the time from her family and even worse when we are around. They have been married six months less then we have and do not have any kids (by choice, not fertility issues) as of yet. So her family has been completely rude with me about them before...in which case I have told them that it is rude of them to treat my brother and SIL like they do or talk about them like they do. I have told them many times that I feel sorry for what they have to put up with because of our personal choices. Hopefully it will get easier for them (SIL's sister is pregnant now, so her family will have a baby to spoil soon enough).
I have also gotten rude comments from people that don't even know us...and I have had to stand up for that before...which is sad.
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"The purpose of all war is peace."
-Saint Augustine
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 11:31:50 AM
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Sideways
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I know at least two families who have only one child, and their kids seem quite happy and well adjusted. They have however, caught a lot of flak from other people for "what they've done to their kid". A 3-children family is actually quite normal around here. People don't automatically assume you're done after 2.
As for the Duggar daughter and her "if I have children" comment. Well, the context of the interview seemed to me, that she was saying she wasn't sure if she was even going to try for kids, and that seemed really strange for a female who is likely strongly encouraged to marry and be a SAHM above all other roles.
Certainly I could be wrong about how the comment came off, though. I know some of the girls have said they wanted to be midwives, but that would fit into the culture.
Here's a funny story about a largish family. I was at Publix, and I saw a lady with 4 boys buzzing around her. It was pretty clear they were her kids, but it took me a while to count them all because they were moving so much. Now, they weren't being disruptive, and they were staying close to mom. They were simply active but well behaved. I smiled at the mom and said "Wow, 4 boys!" She smiled back and said "Nope" just as a fifth boy came running out of the nearby bathroom... "5 boys!"
We both had a chuckle and went on our way. She's not the only family I've met with 5 either, and I know lots of families with 4. Can't say I know any with 6 or more, at the moment.
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 12:32:08 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4856
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From: Jesus Land
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I was at the store the other day (with only one of mine) and there was a lady and her husband with two little children. We got to talking a bit, and I found that her older baby was only 21 months and her younger one was 7 months. She seemed so embarrased by how close her children were together in age--she obviously had taken a lot of flak over it. I told her that mine were all close together, too, and that I'd had six kids in eight years. She smiled and said, "That makes me feel a lot better."
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<--Me at age fourteen
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 12:39:03 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 3251
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3tulips
I grew up in a large Christian family. I was one of the older ones taking care of one of the younger ones. It always gets to me when they ask the kids if they like the big family. What are they suppose to say? "No, someone get me out of here!" None of my siblings or I told our true feelings. We would just smile and nod. Frankly, I hated it. I hated the amount of chores. I hated not being able to go to so many places that my friends could go to. I worked as soon as I could so I had money AND more time away from home. I have 2 siblings that refuse to have kids and one that only gets together with us at Christmas because he was "overloaded" on family togtherness growing up.
Same here. I spent my entire 20s avoiding marriage because I didn't want children. That changed a little when I got into my 30s, but now, a year after marrying at 36, I've pretty much decided I don't want to have any children. We talk about adopting an older kid, but seriously, I already raised kids when I was a kid and I don't look back on it fondly. I couldn't wait to leave home and I did it with no regrets and never looked back.
I know at least half a dozen only children and they all say they were perfectly happy.
(Edited to say I totally look through my own situation when I look at the Duggars. I think it's horribly selfish to have children that you farm out to other children. I feel sorry for the older kids and I don't think they've probably ever been able to be just kids. And I'm not one of those people who think kids should never have to work.)
< Message edited by stellaluna -- 5/13/2008 12:45:16 PM >
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 12:42:06 PM
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macokjc
Posts: 34
Joined: 2/24/2008
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My first two children are 11 months apart - so I've heard all the comments. We currently have 4 and I would like to have 1 more. Having 6 brothers and sisters, 4 does not seem like a large number to me. One of the most offensive things somebody has said was "Do they have the same father?" Unforutanately, where we live, most mothers with more than 3 children are on welfare and have had multiple partners.
However, the MOST offensive comments came from my not-so-dear mother and father in-law:
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 12:44:11 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4856
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Jesus Land
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You know, everyone's experiences are different. We can't project our own childhood onto other people. I was the oldest of a large family, did a lot of childcare growing up, and went on to have six of my own. Others here have had different experiences. Just because we might have felt a certain way growing up doesn't mean the Duggar children felt the same way we did. They are all individuals. My guess is that some of them will grow up to follow in their parent's footsteps, and some of them will choose a different path. Most of them will probably follow some elements of the way they were raised, but differ in other areas, especially if they marry someone who was raised differently.
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<--Me at age fourteen
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 12:44:49 PM
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macokjc
Posts: 34
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Stink - accidentally hit enter.
Anyways:
When we announced baby #3: "I'm not sure why anybody would want to have another baby in this day and age."
When we announced baby # 4: His father walked away and said nothing, his mother said, "Why - I had 4 children and I wish I didn't." Then, when I was on the delivery table recovering and he had called her to let her know that it was a girl, she said: "I just want you to know that as a grandmother, my quiver is full."
Do you think it's wrong to have another one so I can really stick it to them? = ) 
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 12:46:17 PM
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stateofgrace
Posts: 2110
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
I know some of the girls have said they wanted to be midwives, but that would fit into the culture.
Hey, if all her siblings are convicted to have large families, and all live nearby (I suspect that at the very least many of the boys will build on the property), a Duggar midwife might have enough business just among her sisters and sisters-in-law!
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 12:52:42 PM
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OLEEguacamole
Posts: 1196
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
(Edited to say I totally look through my own situation when I look at the Duggars. I think it's horribly selfish to have children that you farm out to other children. I feel sorry for the older kids and I don't think they've probably ever been able to be just kids. And I'm not one of those people who think kids should never have to work.)
what does just being kids entail?
our view of what childhood is all about has changed in recent history. a family used to always be thought of as a team for resource and survival. only recently has childhood has become sacred and very long and the work ethic has declined in our society. the entitlement mentality has grown.
so has the "poor me" mentality. "poor me, my childhood was..."
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RE: #18 on the way - 5/13/2008 1:47:17 PM
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3tulips
Posts: 357
Joined: 2/1/2007
From: sandy shore
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
You know, everyone's experiences are different. We can't project our own childhood onto other people. I was the oldest of a large family, did a lot of childcare growing up, and went on to have six of my own. Others here have had different experiences. Just because we might have felt a certain way growing up doesn't mean the Duggar children felt the same way we did. They are all individuals. My guess is that some of them will grow up to follow in their parent's footsteps, and some of them will choose a different path. Most of them will probably follow some elements of the way they were raised, but differ in other areas, especially if they marry someone who was raised differently.
Exactly! That is why I said that they kids may say all nod and smile and we believe they are happy NOW, but when they are older, and maybe living somewhere else (college, married, etc.) we might hear a different story.
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I opened up the mouth of love and found the wisdom tooth. Larry Norman 1947 - 2008
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