Forgive and Forget? (Full Version)

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Final_Fantasy_fan -> Forgive and Forget? (5/17/2008 7:54:15 PM)

I hope I'm posting in the right place...
So this is my question: If you remember a wrong someone has done to you, and you have forgiven them, but you still remember it, have you really forgiven them?



mvic -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/17/2008 8:54:07 PM)

Very good question.

Chances are you'll never forget. Because the hurt and pain caused to you are imprinted in your memory. That's human nature I'm afraid.

But you can forgive. By that I mean you let it go, you no longer hold it against them ... Difficult I agree. But that's what He asked us to do in the Lord's prayer.

So to answer your question - if you no longer hold the action against you in anger in your heart then you have forgiven - even though the memory, and hurt is still there.



GraceBro -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/17/2008 9:24:15 PM)

quote:

If you remember a wrong someone has done to you, and you have forgiven them, but you still remember it, have you really forgiven them?


Yes, I believe so...

Remember, you can't express the true love of God unless someone sins against you.

"[Love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Corinthians 13:5

Unless you have been wronged, there is nothing to keep a record of. Right? God doesn't count our sins against us any more (2 Corinthians 5:19). He did this so He could have a relationship with us by removing the barrier that separated us from Him. We owed God a debt we couldn't pay so God forgave that debt, in Christ. Thus, we can approach Him because the sin that separated us from Him no longer is an issue. When we no longer expect a person to pay a debt to us they can't pay, we are exercising the same love towards them that God showed towards us. By doing so, both parties are set free. The transgressor is freed from having to pay back a debt they can't afford and the victim is released from expecting payment on a debt that can't be paid.

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

You may not forget the wrong you suffered, but you are no longer held in bondage to it. It also doesn't mean you are obligated to fellowship with the individual anymore. But, in love, you no longer hold that person accountable for their sin. You are sharing with them the love that God has expressed towards you.

Grace and Peace



pstrdebi -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/17/2008 10:49:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GraceBro

You may not forget the wrong you suffered, but you are no longer held in bondage to it. It also doesn't mean you are obligated to fellowship with the individual anymore. But, in love, you no longer hold that person accountable for their sin. You are sharing with them the love that God has expressed towards you.

Grace and Peace


Good explanation!

Additionally, I like to believe (and this is just my own interpretation) that w're allowed to still remember the wrong; (unlike God who "casts it as far as the east is from the west").... in order to grow from it. We can still learn basic principles from a wrong committed.... ie: what NOT to do, how NOT to act, etc., towards others.

Blessings...
Pastor Debi
[;)]



Liveloved -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/17/2008 11:02:07 PM)

Forgiveness is what you do.

Forgetfulness is a work of God.

He has given me forgetfulness in regard to many wrongs that have taken place in my life. It is quite beautiful.

Our part is to forgive. Bless you as you live out 'your' part.[:)]



BugLady -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/17/2008 11:02:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mElizabeth

I hope I'm posting in the right place...
So this is my question: If you remember a wrong someone has done to you, and you have forgiven them, but you still remember it, have you really forgiven them?


Sure. You can forgive and yet still remember the wrong. Often when one is wronged there are consequences suffered. Forgiving merely releases the other person of their debt... no expectation of an apology or anything on their part to right the wrong. It doesn't mean you won't remember the wrong or the pain it caused. But forgiving makes it easier to forget in time.

A trauma victim may actually re-live a wrong over and over, as a mechanism in the brain works overtime to protect them from further harm. But that doesn't necessarily mean they've not forgiven. Just that healing takes time, and a lot of work... especially if what happened was especially horrible.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/17/2008 11:50:22 PM)

I believe forgiveness is a process. Once you decide to forgive, remember that the memory of the wrong done to you will haunt you. And everytime it does, you have to remember that you've forgiven, until one day you realize that although you can remember the event, the sting of the pain is gone. That's forgiveness. However, it doesn't mean you have to have that person in your life. At times, you really can't take that person back. There's a few people in my life that I've forgiven but I would not allow back in my life again.



Giulia -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 12:41:37 AM)

It's a little like our old nature that we have been forgiven from. We may remember it but it no longer has a hold on us (think someone else said this). It may even seem like another person because it is. If you are still thinking about the event a lot or you are led to emotions by it then I suggest you haven't truly forgiven. Just like our past. If we are sharing parts of our painful past and burst into tears. Then it is obvious that past has not been buried. When it is buried it is dead and no longer has a hold on you. Others may bring it up and it may affect the way they deal with you but it is no longer real.



Walker311 -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 12:47:05 AM)

quote:

If you remember a wrong someone has done to you, and you have forgiven them, but you still remember it, have you really forgiven them?


It may be that if you have to question whether or not you have forgiven them, you may need to go about it another way.

Have you approached this person and verbally forgiven them? If not, maybe you should.

If you say that you have forgiven them in your heart, why are you not sure?

Forgiveness as Christian is a must. We have no choice! However, remembrance of the deed is difficult to remove.



Final_Fantasy_fan -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 2:28:18 PM)

I was wondering what you guys thought about it..my mom seems to think you have to forget to really forgive. Most of the wrongs I remember happened a while ago.



URForgiven -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 2:57:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mElizabeth

I was wondering what you guys thought about it..my mom seems to think you have to forget to really forgive. Most of the wrongs I remember happened a while ago.


Only God can forget on purpose. With time, we do fail to remember though...which is not all together a positive thing mind you. [&:]

Peace



delete123 -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 4:42:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mElizabeth

I was wondering what you guys thought about it..my mom seems to think you have to forget to really forgive. Most of the wrongs I remember happened a while ago.


This is an incorrect statement. I have forgiven for the wrongs that have been done to me, yet I was dx. with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) because what the perpertraitors did was very detrimental to my life.

I've forgiven them, yet my soul was damaged. That repair takes time to heal.

If I forget it, then that will allow me to fall prey to the same situation. We learn from our sins and the sins others inflict upon us. If I can not recognize the sin then I open the doors to be sinned against again. (I hope that makes sense to you.)

As a Christian we are commanded to forgive a multitude of sins as the Lord has also done for us. See the parable of the 2 servants in which the king pardoned the 1 servant, yet that servant was unmerciful to his debtor.

I hope this has given you some understanding
CRH



makarizo -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 5:26:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mElizabeth

I was wondering what you guys thought about it..my mom seems to think you have to forget to really forgive. Most of the wrongs I remember happened a while ago.


I don't think it is possible to forget, and maybe not always healthy to forget - even tho we wish we could.
In my case, I have forgiven, and the memory is a bright testimony of how love has worked in my life.

the feeling for the need of justice must be replaced with mercy. and when that happens, forgiveness has occurred.



RemainInHisLove -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 6:26:28 PM)

That's an interesting question... I think you shouldn't keep a "record of wrongs," in other words, when you look at that person, give them a new chance each time instead of remembering all they did wrong. God does that for me... every second is a brand new chance, and I'm so grateful.

But I think forgiveness also means being able to look back on something that happened to you, and say, "This is done, I'm giving it up to God; it's part of my past, but it's not part of my future." You need to remember your past to praise God for your present.

Just my thoughts...



agapetos -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 6:47:32 PM)

I didn't have the best of upbringings and different things caused me a lot of hurt. The last year, I've had some (secular) therapy and it's changed my perspective on how I think about the things that have gone on in my life.

I was in a situation recently where I could have harshly pointed out to a family member some of the pain that they caused me as I was growing up. I chose not to. I believe that I've forgiven this person. I've not forgotten what happened but I don't hold it against them.

I see no reason in bringing up the pain that they caused me because they simply won't take it on board and accept that they were responsible for some situations. I've just come to accept that they are not the ideal family member that they should be (or even close to it) even though they may be wonderful with other people.

Will I ever forget what they did? Probably not. But then there were some good times too and I'm writing those down to remind me when the bad times seem to overwhelm me.



DenimDiva -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 7:06:03 PM)

I wish I could forget all the painful things others have done to me.

I wish even more that I could forget all the painful things I've done to others.



seekingwisdom -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 8:07:18 PM)

quote:

If you remember a wrong someone has done to you, and you have forgiven them, but you still remember it, have you really forgiven them?


I wanted to respond and share on this because I happen to be dealing with this very topic today and have been for really the past couple of days. I finally turned my situation in prayer over to God this morning and was given some clarity and understanding that I've never really had before on the subject of not just forgiveness, but the wrongs done by others to us and even the wrongs we do to others and the importance of remembering.

To briefly explain my own situation: I recently drove by the street of a guy I knew in high school and remembered that at one time he was in a movie on ABC and that I may be able to look him up now on the internet, find out if he continued his acting career or not on IMDB (internet movie database), so I did. Completely innocent, just wondering what happened to him. BUT once I looked him up and found out where he had gone on to in his career, it started me thinking about when and how our friendship ended, and some things that had happened that I had "forgotten". Wrongs done by both sides, me and him, in our time of knowing each other and I was suddenly filled with resentment and a sea of regret that really surprised me given how long ago everything happened and how I probably would have completely forgotten it all had I not drove by his street the other day.

Of course I began to pray over the situation and in prayer the biggest question I had about the situation was WHY. WHY did I do those wrong things. WHY did I allow him to do wrong things to me? This morning the scripture I was given in answer to those questions was this:

Job 11;12
But a witless man can no more become wise than a wild donkey's colt can be born a man.

When I looked up some commentary on this scripture I got this from it: A witless man is a man who lives and makes choices by his own self will, lets his thoughts be dictated by living the worlds way and not Gods way. A man like this (or woman, in my case) living in this way is WILD, UNTEACHABLE, UNTAMEABLE, VAIN, FULL OF PRIDE, SELF-CONCEITED and like his first parents, aiming to be a god himself.

When I look at it this way, because I was not yet a Christian and living in self will, as was the boy that I was remembering, I see that IN REMEMBERING for ME there was an important lesson here to learn, that had I not remembered the wrongs done, I might have missed the lesson of seeing the person I was, and the people I allowed to be close to me (that I probably should not have) and the consequences that were and ALWAYS will be inevitable in ALL self will.

And now, I know it's not something I want to forget, I want to remember because I do not want to pay those consequences again.

Also, when I look at what happened using the scripture above what it says to me is, I can not hold myself or him accountable for wrongs done anymore then I can hold a rattle snake accountable for biting me if I attempt to pick it up with bare hands. When it comes to dealings with people even in my life today who are living in self will, best to wear kid gloves, maybe some armor and possibly have on standby a ten foot pole! Does not mean I do not attempt to love them or let them into my life, but it does mean there IS a LIMIT and a carefullness and a cautionary stance that I never took before becoming a Christian. When I do this I find that when wronged now, forgiveness and understanding are automatically given and forgetting...not even really an issue.

Sorry this was so long but I hope it helped. I know it helped me to write it!

Thank you for bringing up the topic today!!! :)

Peace,

Teri



BugLady -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/18/2008 8:46:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crh737

I have forgiven for the wrongs that have been done to me, yet I was dx. with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) because what the perpertraitors did was very detrimental to my life.


I understand this detriment. PTSD is a difficult road to travel... You have my sympathy.



Focusing -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/19/2008 12:57:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingwisdom

quote:

If you remember a wrong someone has done to you, and you have forgiven them, but you still remember it, have you really forgiven them?


I know it's not something I want to forget, I want to remember because I do not want to pay those consequences again.

Thank you Teri. [:)]




Yes, I fully believe we can, and often do, still remember things even after forgiveness has taken place.

I learned in school that if we don't learn from history, we are bound to make the same mistakes again in the future.

Remembering isn't a bad thing, it's what we choose to do with those memories, and what we learn from our lives that we take with us, what helps define our testimony, helps us connect with other people, and help them in their walk or help lead them to the Lord.



stampinlady -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/20/2008 9:13:38 AM)

I think some christians think that they can do things to others, be forgiven and then it's forgotten with no consequences and that's wrong. I don't have time time to post scripture, but I know we're to not associate with believers who continue in flagrant sin or throw our "pearls before swine." A good read through James shows us how our tongue can hurt those around us. How do you bounce back and forget? Constant forgiveing and Holy Spirit guidance.



deliveredarling -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/20/2008 10:22:06 AM)

This may already have been said.....

We are not designed to forget. We are designed to forgive through the help of the Holy Spirit. If we were to forget our pains, we would be doomed to repeat our past mistakes. Everything we do, has consequences, be them good or bad. We remember the good consequences and therefore learn the "good" and "right" way to do things. We remember the bad things to remind us to not repeat them. This includes our encounters with other human beings. Holding on to hurt poisons us. Remembering helps us. Pain encourages growth.



Giulia -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/23/2008 4:40:16 AM)

I forget all the wrongs that have been done to me and all the wrongs I have done, they are all under the blood, they are events which happened but are no longer a part of me. I do not recollect that which I have left behind.

I think that when you remember wrongs you are givng them your attention, your energy. When you entertain them, that is. The mind of our heart is different to the mind of our head. The bible says we have the mind of Christ.



deliveredarling -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/23/2008 6:43:03 AM)

I only mean that "remembering" the wrong is the wisdom used for the next situation. I don't mean that we carry it around as in baggage. Maybe to say, we file it away for future use.....to remember to not do something again or to do something again. At this stage, all emotion from the act itself is gone, we are only remembering the consequences.



doinkdom -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/23/2008 10:47:13 AM)

Forgiving is our choice and when doing that, we are to forgive as God forgives by not bringing it up again, by not dwelling on it, etc.

Forgetting? IMO, forgetting is about the intensity of the pain suffered at the hands of those we chose to forgive. Over time, the immediate and intense pain should begin to wain - not necessarily go away completely, but we should be able to talk through it.

We should be able to get to a point where we can use our situation as witness to someone else without the emotional intensity of the actual pain and suffering. A place where we can give glory to God for what He has done with the evil set against us.

We may not forget the "situation" but the harshness of it should become less a part of how we react to others.

Does that make sense?



delete123 -> RE: Forgive and Forget? (5/25/2008 10:18:42 PM)

Focus on the family has aired a 3 day topic on finding true forgiveness, it was aired 5/20-22 , check out their recent broadcasts

CRH



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