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"I couldn't handle it". What does that mean, ... - 6/1/2008 8:51:18 AM
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Consecrated2God
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From: Formerly Jesus Land
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I wasn't sure where to start this, but I finally settled on the Women's folder because I don't think I've ever heard a man say it anyway.
I've heard women say that they couldn't handle something or wouldn't be able to handle something in many different contexts, and I've always been puzzled about what that means exactly.
Probably the most obvious example is having a baby without any sort of pain relief. I have heard many women say that they couldn't handle the contractions, that their bodies were not able to handle the pain. I've always wondered what would happen to them if the pain relief were not an option. Would they get through it okay, or would something really bad happen?
Another example that pertains not just to women is the increasing gas prices. These high prices are more than we can handle, and gas keeps going up, and we know we can't handle $6 gas or $7 or $8 or higher...but what does that mean, anyway? If it does go up to $8 a gallon, do we implode? Do we scream and run in a circle until someone locks us away? 
There are so many times I've wondered what people mean by that phrase. I've heard people say they couldn't handle staying at home with their kids, homeschooling, having more than a few kids, using cloth diapers, having a husband oversees, living without air conditioning, having dial-up instead of DSL, and more. What if you had no choice? Could you handle it then?
What does it mean when you can't handle something, and what happens to you when you can't? Is it simply something you'd rather not have to do, or could you really not handle it? Curious minds want to know! 
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 9:41:09 AM
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manda59
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Just for the record, I've heard a number of men say this - enough for me to definitely believe that it's not a purely female domain.
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 9:43:29 AM
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peculiar_lady2
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quote:
Probably the most obvious example is having a baby without any sort of pain relief. I have heard many women say that they couldn't handle the contractions, that their bodies were not able to handle the pain. I've always wondered what would happen to them if the pain relief were not an option. Would they get through it okay, or would something really bad happen?
well, for me specifically when talking about labor, yes I do mean that physically I couldn't handle it and that's why I choose to get meds to get through. I do not have a high pain tollerence and generally don't handle intense pain very well. My body starts shutting down, and I start going in and out of being conscious. With my first I lasted 19 hours before I got the epidural...at that time I was going on seven hours of going in and out of consciousness and that (and it being back labor) was causing my body to not even do anything...thus the pain was getting worse. In my case, my labor is very intense. It starts 2-3 minutes apart and off the charts in intensity (according to the monitors) immediately...and usually lasts at least ten hours like that (my longest labor was my first and it was 25 hours). I can usually handle about five hours....but after that my body can't take any more and it starts hindering my own body from working properly (dilating and efacing)...so pain meds help my body be able to handle it better and to not start shutting down and go into a coma (which I have done) or have seizures (which again I have done). Physically I know my body's limits...and I don't push it beyond that because it's not safe medically speaking. Also know that with me, pregnancy doubles my blood pressure and it stays in a range that is at the top of the charts of normal...135/85 or so right now....so medically speaking my body simply can't handle labor very well at all and that isn't good for the baby or me to push through just for the sake of saying I did (not saying that's the reason others don't get pain meds, but that would be my reasons if I didn't).
I think the other things, it's all about perspective. I hear people say all the time that they couldn't handle many a situation...but it's not that they couldn't it's that they didn't, or that they can't fathom having to try, or that they never want to try. If you had told me ten years ago I would go through two pregnancies without my husband even being in the same country I would have told you that you were crazy and that I couldn't handle it....well, obviously BTDT and I DID handle it and get through with God's help and grace. Do I want to do it again? HECK NO!!!!! But I sure learned a lot about leaning on God through those two experiences. God knew my breaking point too...and worked out miracles to get us back together when I was at my point of not being able to take any more. My third pregnancy he was only gone for two trimesters...but I think those months were preparation for pregnancy #4 where he was literally only there for the week of conception and the week of delivery and that was it. (And again God worked miracles out so that he was there for the delivery)
< Message edited by peculiar_lady2 -- 6/1/2008 9:52:05 AM >
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 12:40:33 PM
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woodwind228
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It means yer chicken! LOL Just kidding. I think people just can't imagine having to have to address whatever it is. I had both my kids natural, but they were both relatively quick deliveries. (Thank God!!)
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These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. --John 16:33 KJV
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 12:45:11 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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I think I could handle natural labor if it wasn't induced or augmented, and that is my desire for my next pregnancy if I don't battle pre-eclampsia again.
The most recent time I have uttered those words was when I weaned DD at 4 months, at that point it was either wean or have an emotional breakdown. It was one of those times when nursing(and pumping and supplementing) was literally destroying my ability to "cope".
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 1:04:06 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
The most recent time I have uttered those words was when I weaned DD at 4 months, at that point it was either wean or have an emotional breakdown.
I've never had an emotional breakdown, so I am quite ignorant about them. What happens when you have an emotional breakdown? How do you know when you are going to have one? Is it a medical condition that can be treated? Obviously with breastfeeding (at least in our time and culture) you have an out...but what if you didn't have an option? Would you have been able to continue for the sake if you daughter if there was no other way of feeding her?
Hmm. I suppose we would have hired a wet nurse or she would have had goat/cow milk or died considering I had almost no milk at that point anyway. Or rather, we probably both would have died since I think my lack of milk was related to her NICU stay that was caused by my pre-eclampsia.
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 1:17:03 PM
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solo_soprano22
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
ORIGINAL: woodwind228
It means yer chicken! LOL Just kidding. I think people just can't imagine having to have to address whatever it is. I had both my kids natural, but they were both relatively quick deliveries. (Thank God!!)
however you had no medical issues that I have that are life threatening...so natural birth may be OK medically speaking for you, but for me it is not in the cards and will never happen. I am not a "chicken" or avoiding something I don't want to address because I know my body's medical limits.
I've never had a child/given birth, but I've always imagined that one woman can't really tell what it truly feels like to another woman. She may think it's the same pain from woman to woman, but how do you know? And how do you know others' threshold for pain?
(Not talking to you specifically Sarah, just in general.)
I've seen some women on the phone when they gave birth (naturally but had no pain)...and I've seen some women pass out from theirs. It just makes me think that pain isn't the same for every women who's having a baby.
< Message edited by solo_soprano22 -- 6/1/2008 1:23:39 PM >
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 1:52:51 PM
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solo_soprano22
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
I've never had an emotional breakdown, so I am quite ignorant about them. What happens when you have an emotional breakdown? How do you know when you are going to have one? Is it a medical condition that can be treated? Obviously with breastfeeding (at least in our time and culture) you have an out...but what if you didn't have an option? Would you have been able to continue for the sake if you daughter if there was no other way of feeding her?
A lot of times I've seen people admitted to a psych ward if they have had one that they couldn't recover from. My uncle had one over 20 years ago and he's never been sane since.  Of course, when something concerning children/babies causes the breakdown, it might be a different situation. I've seen mother's "snap" though, esp. after years of trying to deal with certain things or do more than what she can as an individual... Most come out of it, but some do not. I've seen some moms have a breakdown and don't ever really "come back."
I think what people seem to forget is that you're not me and I'm not you. What you can "handle," I might not be able to and vice versa...and what feels one way to you, emotionally or physically may feel far worse to me because we are different people. I have a couple of pain disorders and anomalies. I'm sure I won't ever be "normal," but right now I can deal with it by altering my life a lot. Some women have one of my disorders and try to kill themselves after so many years because they can't handle it. One of them causes pain that is similar to advanced cancer pain...so I can understand not being able to deal with it (your body acids are basically eating your body)...most of the time you can't work (I can't right now) and just lie in bed and cry (modern meds oftentimes don't work for many woman). I can't say they should be able to handle it, regardless of whether I can or not. I'm not them; they're not me.
Unless one can literally change places with someone else and live in their shoes, they can't really say if they could have/should have/should have been able to handle a certain situation. We can't know that.
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 2:11:51 PM
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Auben
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I've been saying that phrase a lot to myself lately. My son is seriously ill and sometimes when one more thing, then one more thing, then one more thing happens I wonder if I can do it, take it, deal with it.
I think it means that the person realizes that a line is coming or is being crossed. Their normal way of handling things, dealing with things, living, coping is gone. A new blurrier place is entered. Without the comfort of certainty or routine they feel lost and scared (of just uncomfortable).
Different people define this differently. We're a rich, comfortable society so sometimes our 'can't handle it' includes things other people handle every day. Can we really survive without air conditioning? Most of us (some elderly die every year during the summer months). Some folks are just dramatic or haven't had to cope with it so they don't know they can do it.
I suppose a breakdown would be when your mind and body has passed a point of tension so great that you are no longer able to physically live your life.
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 4:59:43 PM
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sharonjef2007
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"not being able to handle something" is not always a bad thing. Our bodies and our minds are made to help us know when we have taken on too much or could not handle something.
For example...I had one of those mental breakdowns that were mentioned. Not only was it mental, but physical as well. It was due to spending 3 years working 2 full time jobs and going to college full time as well. Not to mention helping with a lot of family issues and helping with 4 ministries in my church. Doing that for 4 years did almost earn me a stay in the psych ward....I was very close. I could not handle that schedule and pressure and responsibility for that amount of time. Looking back though, I did learn a very VERY important lesson....the ability to say NO!
As for child birth....I can only speak for myself. I have never been pregnant, so I don't know how my body would respond. However, I know that I don't ever WANT to have to handle childbirth. If God decides to give my future husband and I a child...fine. However, I have no intenion EVER of even attempting natural childbirth. In fact, I'd prefer to go into the hospital, be put to sleep and wake up not pregnant anymore.
So, in regards to childbirth, I don't know if I could handle it or not. But, what I do know is that I don't want to handle it and will do everything in my power to be sure I'm either asleep or very very numb.
< Message edited by sharonjef2007 -- 6/1/2008 5:05:44 PM >
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 5:18:57 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4983
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quote:
I think it means that the person realizes that a line is coming or is being crossed. Their normal way of handling things, dealing with things, living, coping is gone. A new blurrier place is entered. Without the comfort of certainty or routine they feel lost and scared (of just uncomfortable).
I think I agree with you. I know when I've used that phrase, that's how I feel.
When we lived in our old house, the plumbing would back up every time it rained, and we had a terrible flood season last year. We were having to take laundry to my mom and dad's house, wash dishes in a dish pan, and use a porta-potty. I felt like I couldn't handle one more week of it...and it dragged on up until we moved. If I told myself I couldn't handle it, I would think, "Well, what's my alternative?" I didn't have one. We just had to deal with it until we were able to find another place to live.
When I talk about some of my experiences with other people, they sometimes react with, "Well, I certainly couldn't have handled that." I tell them I didn't think I could either, but God gives us strength to get through difficult times. I'm just a normal person like anyone else. I believe God can help anyone get through the tough times, and He can help us handle things.
quote:
"not being able to handle something" is not always a bad thing. Our bodies and our minds are made to help us know when we have taken on too much or could not handle something.
Sometimes we do take on more than is good for us, and voluntarily! I think it's wise to not take on a load bigger than we can handle well.
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<--Plantation house in Louisiana
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 5:52:56 PM
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uponeagleswings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
I think the other things, it's all about perspective. I hear people say all the time that they couldn't handle many a situation...but it's not that they couldn't it's that they didn't, or that they can't fathom having to try, or that they never want to try.
I agree with this one. I hear people say "I couldn't handle it," or "I could never do that" etc etc quite frequently when I share stories about some of my kids. For example, on my caseload I have a 12 month old who was developing typically but now has a TBI (traumatic brain injury) and needs total care because she had a heart attack and coded while in the hospital (wasn't on monitors), and it took them around 25 minutes to revive her. Any time I have shared that story with anyone they inevitably say "I could never handle that."
I'm beginning to think that in general people handle what they're given, or what is thrust upon them. The whole Serenity Prayer idea (help me to change the things I can, accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference)
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 5:54:04 PM
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Roberta_
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
on the other hand...spiritually speaking...I think God routinely gives us situations that ARE more then we can handle. I know people say all the time "God won't give you more then you can handle"...I hate that statement cause I know He has given me things that I couldn't handle. They were situations however that were never more then HE through me could handle...but on my own I would never have been able to handle them.
Of course we have situations that are more than we can handle. If we could handle everything, we wouldn't have much use for God. At least that's my view. I don't like that saying either.
quote:
Just for the record, I've heard a number of men say this - enough for me to definitely believe that it's not a purely female domain.
My estranged husband says it all the time.
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RE: "I couldn't handle it". What does that me... - 6/1/2008 7:59:13 PM
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If you had given birth in the days before pain meds, what would have happened, do you think? 
) 
My mum fell down our stairs once and broke her hip - the paramedics came and asked her something along the lines of how much pain was she in. 
