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RE: The PFY Book Club - 6/15/2008 11:15:16 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
Fritz I think the differences in our experiences will make these discussions really interesting. You having always been "alone" and me having never been "alone" (until now)
I agree that it'll be interesting and thought provoking. 
quote:
I have my kids of course, but I had never in my life been alone. I grew up in a family with 5 kids, 4 of us girls. We had one bathroom until I was 14. Believe me, I was never alone. I went straight from my parent’s house to my husband’s home after we got married. I never had my own apartment, never went off to college and lived in a dorm. Never have I lived independent of another individual, until now.
I have been thinking about this and should clarify that my circumstances never required me to live physically on my own until 4 yrs ago. I have, however, for as long as I can remember, lived emotionally alone. I learned very early that my mother was my enemy and wished to do me harm. We moved often so, while I made friends at each school, I never expected to have them for long and never became emotionally attached to them. My mother's husbands and boyfriends came and went. I was rarely being raised in the same home with my half-brother and -sister. I was happy and emotionally attached at my grandparents home when I could live with them but never knew when I'd be yanked from there by one of my mother's whims so I learned to never get too settled in or depend on their love too much because it hurt desperately and excruciatingly when I had to leave. And, of course, it didn't take me long after getting married to learn that my husband wasn't 'in my corner' in any way and he strongly discouraged, or made impossible, all connections with my family and friends.
I lived with people but most of the time had to defend myself, by myself, from them in one way or another. I say all this only to tell you where I am coming from, not to generate any pity for "poor Fritz"  . God has abundantly made up for every little thing that was less than ideal in my life. I have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing if it meant missing what God has blessed me with.
< Message edited by CoeurdeLeon -- 6/15/2008 11:21:46 AM >
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It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
9.7.08
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 6/16/2008 3:45:08 PM
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Focusing
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quote:
God has abundantly made up for every little thing that was less than ideal in my life. I have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing if it meant missing what God has blessed me with.
Amen!
I have no regrets in life either. I have always looked upon life as a great big learning experience ... after all, going back and changing circumstances is never an option.
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"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord."
Hebrews 12:14
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 6/20/2008 9:57:41 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3608
Joined: 2/11/2008
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Chapter 2
Alone at Heart
Looking to your Heavenly Husband
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F = False
E = Evidence
A = Appearing
R = Real
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 6/22/2008 11:49:50 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
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I hi-lighted (!!!) a couple things in this chapter.
1) Sandy has heard all the classic lines:
- Trust in God's timing, not your own.
- Focus on your relationship with God and then He'll give you a relationship with a man.
- When you stop looking for love, you'll find it.
Time and time again I read these comments and many others in the same vein in the Singles' folder and they always seem like such pat answers to me. And, except for the first one, they aren't necessarily true.
Yes, we should have our primary focus on God, yes, we should seek him and want to deepen our relationship with Him. But that does NOT guarantee that we will find the love of our life. These things reek of "If you are just faithful enough/good enough/worthy enough you'll be healed/married/rich and I hate to see them bandied about so frequently.
Seeking God is worth doing for its own sake and we need to stop chanting the "if/then" cliches.
Additionally, there are some things that we each individually need to come to terms with on our own. Some things that don't become real to us by hearing someone else say them. We have to come to grips with these things ourselves and, often, that requires being in the desert. That's how we come to truly know, deep down inside, the truths that God wants us to see.
If I didn't know the things I've learned in the desert, I wouldn't know much, that's for sure. 
Okay, that was a little bit of a vent (sorry  ), I'll do better with the next thing.
< Message edited by CoeurdeLeon -- 6/22/2008 11:56:22 AM >
_____________________________
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
9.7.08
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 6/22/2008 12:03:35 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8992
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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2) "Why does he have someone, while I'm still alone?"
To my shame, I have to admit, I have thought this numerous times in the past. Not so much anymore, thankfully, but I could really get myself into a very low place with this thinking.
3) She mentions Isaiah 54....only a few weeks after I was separated, I was listening to the radio (a rarity to start with), I think it was an interview with James Dobson, and I heard a woman mention Isaiah 54*. I went home and looked it up and was completely floored by what God was saying in that chapter. In the weeks and months that followed, I read that chapter over and over again and clung to it. It pulled me through a very difficult time and I still read it whenever I need to be reminded of how God feels about me and my children.
*it just occurred to me that the interview may have been with this author.
_____________________________
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
9.7.08
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 6/23/2008 4:15:43 PM
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slushie
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umm what's this about?
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 6/27/2008 12:20:03 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3608
Joined: 2/11/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
So much had happened since that day I bought, and subsequently rejected this book. I was now alone, and had been for almost a year, and I felt it in every cell in my body. As soon as I started reading this book again, I realized that what the author was telling me was the truth and truth that I need to hear, right then, at that preordained moment.
Fritz may remember me asking her the question, did you ever hear the truth and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is the truth, but you did not want to hear it. That had never happened to me before. I love truth. I rejoice in the truth, usually. This time I did not, but I knew that I needed to hear it and I knew that it was timely and I knew that it was God. I was so angry at myself for not wanting to immediately embrace the truth, that I decided right then that I would need some accountability for reading this book. So I thought of you all, my friends who also walk “alone”. Thank you for joining me in reading this book. It means more to me than you will ever know. 
This, my friends, is the chapter that made me angry. Here is the truth I did not want to hear. That God for the indefinate future is my "Husband".
I have heard people say this before, that God is their Husband and I remember thinking, I 'm glad you have figured out a way to "deal" with your singleness. Like it was a formula that helped them not feel as alone as I and everyone else knew that they were. I understood and excepted the fact that scripture talks about God being our husband in the Old Testament, the Husband of Israel anyway. I also understand the scriptures about us being the Bride of Christ. However I had, and still have, a very difficult time looking to God as my "husband" here on earth.
I cannot hold his hand and interlink our fingers- I cannot see his smiling eyes- I cannot laugh at his jokes- I cannot watch him play with my children or hear him pray with them at night. None of that is going to happen ever again. I want the physical presence of a husband.
I treasure the intimacy I have with the Lord. There is an ongoing conversation with the Lord....this is the way I pray......but I cannot imagine the Lord walking on the beach with me as someone mentioned in another thread. Sure He will be there with me, but I just don't have the imagination that it takes to believe such a thing. KWIM.
My husband would have kicked the sand up, the wind would have caught it and it would have ended up in my eyes, followed by me saying "John, I just asked you not to do that." That is a relationship with a human, that is what I desire, sand and all.
< Message edited by WaitingforBoaz -- 6/27/2008 12:30:45 AM >
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A = Appearing
R = Real
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 6/27/2008 12:31:19 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
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Joined: 2/11/2008
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This is a post from Esther/Besiderselfs PFY thread. When I read it I just knew that it really needed to be in here. Esther graciously agreed to it.
quote: Esther/Besiderself
"I experience similar feelings when I think of being single the rest of my life. In fact, the loneliness at those times can be almost physically painful!!
But the problem when that happens, I've discovered, lies with me; not with the possibility of singleness for the rest of my life.
God promises to give us the grace to deal with whatever He allows to happen to us. But He doesn't give us all of our grace at once for everything we're going to face in life, and then let us deal it out as we need it. He gives us the grace we need at the moment we need it--and not before.
So when I start thinking about being single my whole life, it DOES hurt, and it's almost overwhelmingly painful because I am trying to deal with something for a whole lifetime in one moment. I don't have the grace reserves to do it, so I can't!
But if I face singleness one day or one moment at a time, which is the scriptural way we are instructed to deal with life, then I have plenty of grace at each moment to deal with my singleness.
I hope this is making sense.
I am not single-for-my-whole-life today. I am only single for today. I have no way of knowing whether I'll be single tomorrow, or next year or the day I die...that's all in God's hands. If I try to cope with a lifetime of singleness with the amount of grace available to me just at this moment, it's like trying to put out a huge forest fire with a five gallon bucket. Can't be done. But if I use the grace He has given me for today to deal with the loneliness of today, then I have plenty of water to put out the little campfire. He has given me sufficient grace to face my singleness at this moment...but not enough to face a lifetime of it.
So my answer, when the possibility of loneliness for the rest of my life starts to overwhelm me, is to tell myself the truth...
I am not single for my whole life today. I am only single today.
I must discipline my thoughts and bring them into subjection to God's truth--I can not know what will happen in the rest of my life...in fact, I barely have any inkling what might be happening 15 minutes from now. But God knows. I can trust Him to handle it. For now, I must only deal with the loneliness I feel this moment. I turn my thoughts away from what might happen in the rest of my life, and focus them on this moment in time.
And I find that the fear and loneliness dissipate. There is plenty of grace to spare for THIS moment of loneliness. I can cope with life for this moment. God gives me guidance and courage for this moment.
I encourage you to see if this works for you. When you start to have thoughts about "the rest of my life", discipline yourself to tell yourself the truth. Today, this moment, IS NOT the rest of your life. Nor can you know what the rest of your life will be like. Seek God for help for the loneliness of today, this moment, only...and I believe you will find yourself quite able to cope, and will not suffer from bitterness or anger."
Thank you Esther.............Wisdom itself!!!!! 
_____________________________
F = False
E = Evidence
A = Appearing
R = Real
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 6/28/2008 11:46:34 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3608
Joined: 2/11/2008
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Hi Clubies!!!!
Every one has been so busy that I will be holding off on chapter three until everyone has had a chance to respond to chapter 2.
If you do not wish to respond just type "skip".
~Blessings~
_____________________________
F = False
E = Evidence
A = Appearing
R = Real
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 7/4/2008 9:12:16 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3608
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: online
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Chapter 3
Alone as a Parent
Partnering with God
_____________________________
F = False
E = Evidence
A = Appearing
R = Real
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RE: The PFY Book Club - 7/9/2008 1:55:12 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3608
Joined: 2/11/2008
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Hi Book Clubbies!
I am afraid that this thread may have already died.  But I am going to keep on until the last chapter.
Chapter 3
I never really thought about the fact that there are single mothers in the Bible. Of course I never really thought about the widows either. Though I knew they were there, of course. I just never really gave it a second thought, because it really did not apply to me, until now.
I am sitting here trying to remember how many times I have read this story, heard this story and thought about this story; many, many times in the last 25 years. Every time my focus was on Sarah, compassion and pity for the woman who could not conceive, and my thoughts were of Abraham; haven’t we all sung the song a thousand times with our children “Father Abraham had many sons…….” I never once thought of the thoughts, feelings or plight of Hagar. She did not ask to be a slave. She did not ask to become Abrahams “second wife,” and be abused by her mistress, these circumstances were thrust upon her, just as many of our circumstances have been thrust | | |
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Hi Colleen!!!! I am so happy to see you!!!! 
but thanks for offering to wait for me.