Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (Full Version)

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jsadler -> Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/16/2008 3:30:14 PM)

Got married 6 months ago and moved to another state. Having second thoughts about moving away from my children now and miss them dearly. Do not know how to deal with being away from my children and missing out in them growing up. Have asked my wife if see would move, see says yes if our marriage greats stronger but do not know if she will. Has anyone dealt with this before?



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/16/2008 6:42:05 PM)

What does she mean, if your marriage gets stronger? I can't see how neglecting your kids would help your marriage. What is your current visitation plan?



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/16/2008 6:52:48 PM)

Why did you move to begin with?

How easily would it be to move back?



Brandy -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/16/2008 8:29:41 PM)

To help posters who don't get into the marriage folder, here is the OP's other thread:

Confused about my current marriage

It may help understand the situation better.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/16/2008 8:49:29 PM)

We lived 3.5 hours away when my husband discovered he had another child where we had just moved back from. As soon as the DNA test came back confirming the child was his and a judge ordered visitation, we moved back up here. It was not an easy thing to do because we had left here to get away from some bad influences. It was not easy, but it was right.

I strongly advise moving at least within an hour of your children, so that you can see them more regularly than is possible now.



daughter_of_faith -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/17/2008 11:31:09 AM)

Two and a half hours is a fair distance to be traveling for visitation with a child. I agree with Donna on this that you should try to move closer.

In my first marriage, we lived 3.5/4 hours away from ex's daughter. She then was moved (via foster care) a little closer (about 3 hours). We decided it was in her best interest to move closer (moved about 30 or 40 miles away...I forget the exact distance now). I just recollect that we didn't want to live in the same town (too many problems with the ex, etc.) But we wanted to live close enough to see her more. Prior to the move, it was impossible to see her more than once a month due to the distance (gas prices, food prices, etc.) I know the prices are even higher today and would make things that much more difficult.

We didn't stay there long as we separated and divorced shortly after the move.



jsadler -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/17/2008 2:05:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

Why did you move to begin with?

How easily would it be to move back?



Moved because I got remarried and thought it would be easier for me to move. Did not realized how much I would be missing out in my children's lives and want to ensure they are raised in a godly manner. Been having a lot of problems with my marriage, but we are working things out in counseling and hopefully they will get better.

Wife does not want to move right now because of her son and says that she might move to Florida if our marriage gets stronger and we work out our issues.



jsadler -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/17/2008 2:11:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

What does she mean, if your marriage gets stronger? I can't see how neglecting your kids would help your marriage. What is your current visitation plan?



She has lived here all here life and says here support is here and not in Florida. Wants to ensure that we work out all our issues before we move. Is also worried that she will lose her son if she tries to move to another state or closer (her ex is constantly taking her to court).


Currently, see my children every other weekend.



WesP -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/17/2008 2:55:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jsadler

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

What does she mean, if your marriage gets stronger? I can't see how neglecting your kids would help your marriage. What is your current visitation plan?



She has lived here all here life and says here support is here and not in Florida. Wants to ensure that we work out all our issues before we move. Is also worried that she will lose her son if she tries to move to another state or closer (her ex is constantly taking her to court).


Currently, see my children every other weekend.


I am glad that you get to see them at least that much. I had moved 10 hours away from my oldest children because I was in desperate need of money. I couldn't handle the child support without making a lot more, and they kept threatening to lock me up when I got behind. It was very painful, and I moved back because the ex decided I could not see my children anymore! At any rate, I have my children now.

My suggestion to you is to work through this with your wife and pray for guidance. Situations vary considerably, and it may be impossible to find someone with the exact same circumstances. Follow God and He will work everything out to His glory. I pray that you and your wife grow together spiritually and find a common path that satifies you and your children both. God bless!



daughter_of_faith -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/17/2008 4:57:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jsadler

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

What does she mean, if your marriage gets stronger? I can't see how neglecting your kids would help your marriage. What is your current visitation plan?



She has lived here all here life and says here support is here and not in Florida. Wants to ensure that we work out all our issues before we move. Is also worried that she will lose her son if she tries to move to another state or closer (her ex is constantly taking her to court).


Currently, see my children every other weekend.


I hear your wife on "this is where my support is"...especially in times of trouble. BUT....in my situation, it made things far too easy for me to go run to my mom's house every single time we had an argument. After the move, I couldn't run away. We had to face the conflict and work through it. Granted, I still called my mom every day to talk with her about things and talked to his mom about every other day or so.

There are other ways for her to be supported than in person (hope that makes sense).

Also: on the child custody issue (with her situation)....each case varies. I moved across the country without any problems...other than my ex complaining that I'm running away. Followed the court letter to a T though and sent him notice, etc.

Still praying for your situation. Hope things can be worked out.

God bless



jsadler -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/18/2008 5:35:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daughter_of_faith


quote:

ORIGINAL: jsadler

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

What does she mean, if your marriage gets stronger? I can't see how neglecting your kids would help your marriage. What is your current visitation plan?



She has lived here all here life and says here support is here and not in Florida. Wants to ensure that we work out all our issues before we move. Is also worried that she will lose her son if she tries to move to another state or closer (her ex is constantly taking her to court).


Currently, see my children every other weekend.


I hear your wife on "this is where my support is"...especially in times of trouble. BUT....in my situation, it made things far too easy for me to go run to my mom's house every single time we had an argument. After the move, I couldn't run away. We had to face the conflict and work through it. Granted, I still called my mom every day to talk with her about things and talked to his mom about every other day or so.

There are other ways for her to be supported than in person (hope that makes sense).

Also: on the child custody issue (with her situation)....each case varies. I moved across the country without any problems...other than my ex complaining that I'm running away. Followed the court letter to a T though and sent him notice, etc.

Still praying for your situation. Hope things can be worked out.

God bless

daughter_of_faith


Thank you for your prayers. Trying to work everything out with my wife through counseling and trying to see my children as much as possible. Thank my wife does not want to move because see has never been anywhere in her life. As always stayed within arm lengths of her family. I completely understand her point and know she is close to her family; just want to be there for my boys as well.



daughter_of_faith -> RE: Fathering My Children 2.5 Hrs Away (6/19/2008 12:37:15 PM)

I hear you...definitely. Moved to California last May after only ever living in Kansas (except for a couple of months in Missouri).

Glad to hear y'all are working on things in counseling. Hope that's helping!!!

But yes, it is important to be close to your boys too. Is there a compromise you can make? (Say 1.25 hours away from both or something like that?) We're moving again this summer...back to Kansas....where I will be about 100 miles from family.

The Bible does say to "leave and cleave to each other" not to other family members!!! So...hmmmm.....definitely still praying for y'all.

God bless



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