Creating a false identity. (Full Version)

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DreadPirateRandy -> Creating a false identity. (6/19/2008 5:12:05 AM)

Why is that people feel they must produce a false identity in order to gain self-confidence or to "fit in"?

Let me further elaborate. Say you know someone, and you know them well, well enough to distinguish their emotions accurately and correctly. Yet, when in groups or simply around others, that person you knew acts differently, or creates this false identity, in order to fit in or gain confidence.

Is self-confidence so much of an issue that one would risk furthering it at the expense of someone else, merely and just for the sake of fitting in with other people?

I'm told that women desire men to "just be themselves". Why isn't it the same for the opposite? Why does insecurity affect the ability to just be yourself?



car2ner -> RE: Creating a false identity. (6/19/2008 5:41:43 AM)

I knew someone who was such a chameleon that after awhile, he didn't even know he was doing it, this changing to fit in. Even his accent took on some of the aspects of the people he was talking to. It was strange to watch. Often it backfired, people didn't like not knowing who they were really talking to once they realized what was happening.



Focusing -> RE: Creating a false identity. (6/19/2008 11:26:56 AM)

quote:

I'm told that women desire men to "just be themselves". Why isn't it the same for the opposite? Why does insecurity affect the ability to just be yourself?

I have no idea why people do something like this. Perhaps a younger person, or someone who is still trying to figure out *who they are* and are trying on different hats ... ?

Yes, I want a man to just be himself.

And, yes, I am who I am ... whether at home, church, work, at the mall, driving down the road, exploring a new location. I have found that being who I am is reality. People either accept me or they don't. And if they do, cool. If they don't ... well, they are missing out.



slushie -> RE: Creating a false identity. (6/19/2008 1:19:56 PM)

I would want a man to be himself. Sometimes we're just afraid that we won't be accepted if they don't change, or that insecurity that no one will like them if they found out who they really are. Which is a shame, because the other people miss out on getting to know the real them.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Creating a false identity. (6/19/2008 3:59:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slushie

Sometimes we're just afraid that we won't be accepted if they don't change


Then why fret to feel validated around others when people who actually know you, for who you are, accept and love that person?

It's putting too much stress on the lack of self-confidence and insecurity that foreshadows who you truly are. It's a turn off to boot.



slushie -> RE: Creating a false identity. (6/19/2008 5:01:02 PM)

oops I meant "we're just afraid we won't be accepted if we won't change to conform to this image"



woodwind228 -> RE: Creating a false identity. (6/21/2008 9:29:57 PM)

I could only speculate as to why some people do that. Perhaps they're just insecure or are putting up a wall (false identity) to avoid being hurt again? Personally, I am who I am - like it or love it. [;)] Ahem...I mean, like it or not. [8|]



Cloak -> RE: Creating a false identity. (6/25/2008 10:35:03 PM)

I think people do that because as it was mentioned they lack self-confidence and they are insecure.

They might be wonderful people but as children they have not been nurtured and hence their insecurity and self-esteem have been shattered and produced all this chaos.

They definitely need healing from their past! If you're dating someone like that, I would recommend you not to tie the knot with them before they solve these problems which if not, would re-surface after marriage and the euphoric period is over!

Blessings!



ebony101 -> RE: Creating a false identity. (6/28/2008 7:08:59 AM)

Sometimes you just adapt to suit the group you're with at the moment. It doesn't have to be a chameleon thing at all. For example, at work I have to be authoritative and in charge, a no-nonsense, firm kind of person, but when I'm out with my friends I'm humorous, fun & down-to-earth. If I was that way at work, nothing would get done, things would be chaotic.

Another example would be: when I'm out with a mixed gender group, I don't speak out as much as when I'm with a same gender group. I tend to be more reserved when in a mixed gender group.

There are times when you have to adapt to suit the situation & I do admit that some elements of your personality don't change regardless of the situation but - it doesn't have to be a self-confidence thing at all.

That's just my 2 cents. [8|]



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