Question for parents of large families. (Full Version)

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lexie -> Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 9:18:18 AM)

Here is a situation I've been discussing with a few friends lately.

If you have a large family (I'm thinking 4 or more children for this purpose), and you go over to someone's house to visit, do you bring snacks for your children, or does the person provide snacks for your child. Is it on a case by case basis?

For example, we have friends who have four children. Whenever they come to visit the kids are asking for snacks. When I do my grocery shopping, I buy enough for my family for the week. If I know people will be coming, then I will buy extra to provide for them. But if they drop by, I don't really have much to share.

The first time they stopped by and I provided snacks when they asked, they ate all of the snacks I had bought for my daughter that week (I have a set grocery budget, which is why it kind of annoyed me). The next time I gave them a set amount of food, and when they continued to come back asking for food I told them I didn't have anymore to share. They then told their mom that they were hungry, and their mom asked me for more snacks for them.

Another friend says she has the same issue with that family, that she doesn't really have the grocery budget to provide food for that many people, the way the children want to eat (the kids will snack and snack and snack as long as there is food in front of them).

So if you have a large family (or even a small family) do you take snacks with you when you go to someone's house? Do you work out something with the person beforehand? Do you tell your children not to ask for a snack, and only take one if offered? Or is it just a non-issue for you and friends?

BTW...it's not an issue I'm stressing over, it's just something that has come up in discussion (so in other words, don't tell me I'm overreacting[;)]), I'm just wondering what other people do in this situation.



artemis -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 9:34:36 AM)

I'm not a parent of a large family, but I'm from a large family (I'm the oldest of 7) and if we were at another person's house I would NEVER have asked for a snack [:o] If the host wants to offer something, that's fine, but to ask is, in my opinion, rude. My mom would have been mortified if I'd asked someone for a snack. If she thought I needed something, she would have brought it herself.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 9:56:44 AM)

I have five kids (but even when I had one kid), they are not allowed to ask for snacks at other people's house. We often keep something in the car for after we leave or pick something up on the way home.

I did have one situation that was close to that that happened. I thought that the people we were visiting were talking about supper because they wanted us to stay. Later Russ said that he thought they were hinting that they didn't have much to eat. I felt really bad about that and wished we had left sooner even though I am still not sure. That was years ago and has only happened once.

I usually (not always) have "something" for snacks because I do have a large family and have a lot in storage most oof the time, but I don't feel bad at all telling people when I don't have enough to share.

It is not anyone's responsibility but our own to feed our kids. If they want to offer that is sweet of them, and we are grateful.

I will say that if youu feed my kids though, they WILL remember it... forever. There is one lady that once baked my kids brownies when they came a couple of years ago. They don't have any kids. We want to visit them this summer so Russ and I are planning to offer to bring a picnic lunch with us for when we visit (they live on a beautiful horse farm) so they won't feel like she has to feed the kids anything, and the kids won't be dissappointed. AND we can spend the afternoon there without kids getting overly hungry.



Karaboo2 -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 10:03:03 AM)

If I know we are going to be visiting for any length of time, I will bring our own snacks. If it is just a quickie visit, I won't take anything with me, as the kids can wait until we get home. They also get told before we enter (by me) that if they ask for snacks, we will be leaving immediately, as that is rude and presumptuous. The only thing they are "allowed" to ask for is a glass of water ... not juice, not anything else ... water.

I was an only child, and I never asked for anything at people's houses (other than maybe asking where the washroom was, or if I could look at the books on the bookcase). I am expecting my 5th child, and my children know my expectations whenever we go anywhere. They push the limits at times, and find out that not only do I not budge, but I actually tighten the rules the next time.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 10:05:15 AM)

It depends where we're going. If we're visiting another large family, like say...Ellie Mae's[;)]...I'm less likely to think about it ahead of time. One, because I know her kids don't snack as much as mine do and mine will forget to snack while we're there...and two, because I know if they do need a small snack, it won't be a hardship on Lisa.

If we're visiting a home with one or two kids, I try to make cookies or bring fruit or something to share. Most of my friends have kids though and don't mind sharing snacks, even if it's just dry cereal in a baggie. Whenever someone watches my kids for me so I can go to doctor's appointments alone or whatever, I always bring a snack for my kids to share with the other kids. My friends usually do the same when I watch their kids, but I don't expect it and wouldn't be upset if they didn't either.

BTW, we were pretty much the same when we only had one or two kids. It's just a courtesy thing.



macokjc -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 10:08:34 AM)

We also have 4 children, and they are not allowed to ask for snacks or drinks. If somebody is babysitting them for me, or we will be over for a long time, I always bring a bunch of snacks along. In this situation, it would probably be best to just nicely and firmly say "No, I don't have any snacks today but I will be glad to get you a glass of water." Hopefully the mom will catch on soon!



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 10:48:54 AM)

quote:

If we're visiting another large family, like say...Ellie Mae's ...I'm less likely to think about it ahead of time. One, because I know her kids don't snack as much as mine do and mine will forget to snack while we're there...and two, because I know if they do need a small snack, it won't be a hardship on Lisa.


We also love feeding people.[;)]

We have people drop by in the middle of dinner and we just get out more plates.

We can afford to do this because we live out in the country and not in town where you could end up feeding half the town every night.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 11:21:54 AM)

I'm not from a large family, nor am I a parent of a large family, but I was taught it was rude to ask for a snack, and if I would have whined to my mom about being hungry, I would have gotten "that look" and told to wait until we get home. Unless we are there for an extended visit (all day or through a meal time) asking for food at someone elses house (unless they offer) is rude. I think it has little to do with the family size, unless they were genuinely hungry (family couldnt afford to buy food).



manda59 -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 11:22:33 AM)

lexie

I don't have a large family, but I have a suggestion:

Next time, put out a plate of raw carrot sticks, and other raw veggie snacks, and if they query it say that's all you have. If they eat them, no worries cos they're fairly cheap. If they don't, all well and good and they might not ask again! (and you can use what they leave to make a salad, or soup)

(btw I think the whole thing is a blooming cheek!)



garsyt -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 11:27:21 AM)

I have 4 kids too and we constantly have neighborhood kids over - BUT the agreement between all the parents in the neighborhood is this: IF I'm offering my kids a snack all the kids in my home will be offered a snack. The same rule stands at pretty much every home my kids visit and my kids KNOW they are not to ask for snacks beyond water. Also UNLESS invited specifically to stay for supper all children will be sent home before meals are served.

Now if we are visiting another family - it's usually not a drop in sort of situtation as many of our closer friends live quite a distance away, it's usually for an event or we are invited for a meal. The same goes when people come to visit us.

Blessings,

Garsy



stellaluna -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 11:32:24 AM)

I'm the oldest of four. We were not allowed to ask for snacks while visiting either, but thinking back, I don't recall any visitors to our house asking for anything to eat. I do notice now at friends' houses that visiting kids almost always do. And I think that's rude and weird. I figure a kid can play for quite awhile without needing a snack--drinks, sure, but food, not necessarily.

My mother still jokes, though, that we always had people over for dinner but we never got invited anywhere because no one wanted to feed all of us.



lexie -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 12:17:41 PM)

quote:

(btw I think the whole thing is a blooming cheek!)


I agree, but didn't want to get into that right away!

I don't mind providing a little food for anyone who comes to visit, but I find it harder the more people it is because of our grocery budget.

When we go to these people's house they are always offering snacks (probably because all their children do is snack). I appreciate it, but I only have one child who is a baby and in the end only eats something like 2 crackers. And I always have more than enough for her to eat in the bag.

(Also, the children do ask me for a snack because we are very close, I'm not sure that they do this everywhere, but I still do think it is very rude and have said to the children in the presence of their parents that they are not to ask for snacks.)



purejoy -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 12:37:59 PM)

I'm from a large family. I would have never, ever asked for a snack at someone elses house. Nope, no way, we just didn't do that...I can see the look on my mom's face now if I would have done that. But coming from a large family, we always had food around. So if other people were over, it was never a big deal to offer them snacks. And same as Ellie-Mae...if people came around meal times, you just pulled more plates out.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 1:30:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: artemis

I'm not a parent of a large family, but I'm from a large family (I'm the oldest of 7) and if we were at another person's house I would NEVER have asked for a snack [:o] If the host wants to offer something, that's fine, but to ask is, in my opinion, rude. My mom would have been mortified if I'd asked someone for a snack. If she thought I needed something, she would have brought it herself.


Ditto this and I'm one of 6.

But, the majority of the time we were visiting other large families and I don't think it was ever really an issue. Most of the moms were tightwads and lunch was usually PB&J on homemade bread. Actually, I can't remember ever really snacking at anyones house[8|]



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 2:16:03 PM)

I'm one of four, and I hope to have many more than that.

IMO, guests shouldn't ask for snacks, and I would never do that. I have a friend with four kids, and they never ask for snacks. When we visit each each other, we usually do provide something simple for a snack, but nobody asks for it.

BTW--popcorn is cheap. If I knew a family with 4 or more kids was coming to visit, I'd just make a giant bowl of the stuff. [:D]



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 2:56:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom

I'm one of four, and I hope to have many more than that.

IMO, guests shouldn't ask for snacks, and I would never do that. I have a friend with four kids, and they never ask for snacks. When we visit each each other, we usually do provide something simple for a snack, but nobody asks for it.

BTW--popcorn is cheap. If I knew a family with 4 or more kids was coming to visit, I'd just make a giant bowl of the stuff. [:D]



LOL! I don't remember any popcoorn when we came to your house. I remember you had a lot of yummmies waiting for our arival. But you were expecting us. I remember it was all home-made, there was chocolate stuff, and this dish of pudding and some other stuff frozen. I remember that I made it for a while afterwards because it was so yummy, but I don't remember what it was now.[&o] I also remember it was hard for my kids to be patient and ignore it.[8|]



kohls356 -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 4:05:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetLittleErin

I'm not from a large family, nor am I a parent of a large family, but I was taught it was rude to ask for a snack, and if I would have whined to my mom about being hungry, I would have gotten "that look" and told to wait until we get home. Unless we are there for an extended visit (all day or through a meal time) asking for food at someone elses house (unless they offer) is rude. I think it has little to do with the family size, unless they were genuinely hungry (family couldnt afford to buy food).


I agree with this. We would have been in pretty big trouble if we would have asked for anything at someone elses house. If we were offered something we could take it but never ask.

I totally understand how you would feel Lexie. It is hard enough to feed our own families these days let alone others who come to visit that you weren't expecting.

I was watching a child of a friend one day and he wanted a snack from my pantry. Well the things I had that he wanted I had bought for the kids school lunches and I had just enough to last the week. I told him that and offered him something else but he didn't want it. So when his mother came to get him he went to the pantry and told her he wanted some of the snacks but that I wouldn't let him. I told her I told him they were for lunches and I wouldn't have enough but I offered something else and he didn't want it. It seemed she was upset but I really didn't care at the moment. I thought it was rude he was in my pantry to begin with then to tell his mother I wouldn't let him have any frustrated me.



isaacsmom -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 4:36:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: artemis

I'm not a parent of a large family, but I'm from a large family (I'm the oldest of 7) and if we were at another person's house I would NEVER have asked for a snack [:o] If the host wants to offer something, that's fine, but to ask is, in my opinion, rude. My mom would have been mortified if I'd asked someone for a snack. If she thought I needed something, she would have brought it herself.


Same here. We NEVER asked for snacks at someone else's house (there were 4 of us). My kids will ask me for a snack, but not anyone else so far (they're really young yet) but I am in the process of teaching them proper manners. If we are going to be somewhere for an extended amount of time, I always take something for them.

My kids *do* ask for a snack at their grandparents' and great-grandparents' houses, but don't grandparents live to feed grandkids goodies? [8D] (at least my mom only gives whole/natural foods, LOL!)

As far as the OP goes, if your friend's children ask for something and you turn them down, that's one thing, they're kids. But if they complain to their mama and she asks you to feed them? Good grief! Even at my very-best-closest friend's house, I wouldn't go begging for my kiddo. [8|] I'd tell him to wait.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 5:00:47 PM)

quote:

My kids *do* ask for a snack at their grandparents' and great-grandparents' houses, but don't grandparents live to feed grandkids goodies?


I didn't count grandparents or aunts/uncles when I answered. To us, that's different...almost an extension of our own house.



isaacsmom -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 5:11:23 PM)

quote:

To us, that's different...almost an extension of our own house


Yes, same here. With my family or hubby's family. When I am expecting visitors, I always make sure to have snacks on hand. If someone drops by, it's rare that I need to hand out snacks, but I usually do have graham crackers, raisins, etc. that I will offer. If I truly don't have anything (and sometimes I don't, we are on a budget), then I will say "sorry, I haven't been to the grocery store yet" and leave it at that.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 6:44:51 PM)

First, I would never say 'all they do is snack' because clearly they must be doing plenty of running around to work up that hunger! LOL

My children would be reprimanded for asking for food, EXCEPT for grandparents' houses and also one family that we visit, when we visit them we are usually staying for HOURS and of course all the kids get hungry, but she is always happy to feed then, and when they come here I plan to feed them all as well. My kids eat every couple hours, so I usually keep that in mind.

I would also expect any child to be hungry at any given time, so I guess I would figure I needed snacks if someone was coming over. If they didn't warn me, they might find themselves surviving on cinnamon toast, lol.



Consecrated2God -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/19/2008 8:11:26 PM)

quote:

They then told their mom that they were hungry, and their mom asked me for more snacks for them.


[:o] Good grief! How rude!

I think it's rude to ask for snacks, although sometimes kids will do that especially if they know someone's likely to give it to them. If they gave them treats last time they visited, they're going to remember that and hope for more treats. If I scold them for asking, it doesn't help when the parents tell me, "Oh, it's alright! We don't mind giving them treats." That encourages them when I'm trying to discourage it. They know better, but certain people they think they can get away with asking.

I don't give snacks to my children or to anyone else who visits unless we've planned on doing that. We eat three meals a day, and only rarely have a snack. My kids survive just fine without snacks.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/20/2008 6:28:45 AM)

quote:

LOL! I don't remember any popcoorn when we came to your house. I remember you had a lot of yummmies waiting for our arival. But you were expecting us. I remember it was all home-made, there was chocolate stuff, and this dish of pudding and some other stuff frozen.


Lol. I guess I was on a roll that day. [8D]



Homegrownkids -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/20/2008 8:02:52 AM)

I think you have had your question answered... I'm about like everyone else. With 5 kids, I have told my kids and parents of their friends that my kids don't need to eat at their house!! If food is offered, I don't worry about it. But.... I do know my kids are bottomless and they are "pigg-ish". There is nothing I can do when I am not with them, but hope for the best.

When kids come here, we have rules and my children know that they are not to offer their friends snacks. That is my job to offer things. They are not allowed to eat when their friends are here unless I offer. If their friends tell them they are hungry, my kids pretty much say "we are not allowed to eat when friends are here".

We do have some friends with younger kids that come over once in a while. My kids are older, so only my 6 yr old plays with them. Since they are not here every day and it is only once in a while... I will feed them if they are hungry because they can't just run home and get a snack and then come back to play like my older children's friends can.

A bag of pop corn is a cheap snack, or even a peanut butter sanwhich. With prices the way they are, I hardly ever have chips or cookies in the house anymore.

My 6 yr old is on a different "level" of understanding then when my 3 oldest were little. I can picture here asking for food at someone elses house. I usually "cut" her off and tell her NO. Usually people give her something anyways and I end up embarrassed. But, I would NEVER be like that mom and ask for more!!! That is so RUDE!!



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Question for parents of large families. (6/20/2008 8:18:00 AM)

quote:

If their friends tell them they are hungry, my kids pretty much say "we are not allowed to eat when friends are here".


See, I would find this approach to be very rude if my kids ever said that to one of their friends. Why not just have them say "I'll ask mom for a snack"? Like Maggie said, there is always popcorn which is incredibly cheap(I pay $1.50 for 2lbs of organic popcorn which makes a TON). I understand being on a budget but it seems to me that telling a friend "we aren't allowed to eat when we have people over" is incredibly un-hospitable. We had lots and lots of friends over and my parents fed them even when they were barely feeding the rest of us.



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