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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/10/2008 12:53:41 AM
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NowIsntThatCute
Posts: 9
Joined: 3/3/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: baldman24
Wow! I was just wondering that -- and since I'm only 31, I probably shouldn't be complaining, since there are plenty of people here in their 30s, 40s, and upwards who still haven't found their "special someone."
There have been times where I've blamed God, blamed women, blamed what's going on in society and culture, but you know what? With each passing year, I realize that I'm probably more to blame than anything. It's taken me an extremely long time to get my act together in life -- and I still have a ways to go. It doesn't help that I've struggled on and off with depression and shyness and anxiety, though I'm somewhat better now.
It's kind of a vicious cycle -- lack of dating experience leads to lack of confidence, which leads to further lack of dating experience, which leads to further loss of confidence, and so on. Maybe my perceptions are warped, but love and romance seems to come so easily for other people. There are men and women out there who never seem to go more than a few months before they find someone. And here I am, not finding anyone at work, or at church, or at the places I volunteer -- it's starting to feel a little scary.
I still need to rejoice with what God has been doing in my life. I'm only now starting to feel like a "grown up" and learning how to navigate in this world and work through my difficulties, even when so many things haven't turned out the way I hoped they would.
I can relate to this all to well. I am 32 and have been a little too unbalanced and stuck in a rut for a few years. Really wish I could turn back time a few years.
_____________________________
I used to have a horrible time finishing things but now I
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/10/2008 1:02:05 AM
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NowIsntThatCute
Posts: 9
Joined: 3/3/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I think a lot of us are single because of our own doing. Perhaps it's a belief system that's not really biblical, perhaps, it's issues, socials, psychological, emotional, etc, that we have that we refuse to work on, perhaps it's because of choice, perhaps it's "false contentment", or we could be single long enough and we don't know how to let someone else in our lives even though we profess with words that we want to. For me, the longing is deep but my actions don't seem to reflect that I want to be married. It's something I have to work on. There's been a lot of men that's been attracted to me, but the moment they get close, I ran away. I can't blame that on God. It's my issue to work on. I believe that if I wasn't like that, I'd never be single for a long time, but as it is, I go years without even dating.
I think at times, we pretend that we're content with being single, but in reality, we're not. We're using those those as an excuse to move and pursue a relationship. We use the "waiting on God" excuse, the working for the ministry excuse, the 'not wanting to make a mistake" excuse. We use the Jeremiah 29:11 verse about God knowing the plans he had for us, but if you look at the context of the verse, it's about God's very specific promise to a specific people to bring them out of captivity in His time. What did God say to the Jews before those verses?
Jeremiah 29:5-9
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." 8 Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. 9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them," declares the LORD.
There it shows how God commanded people to live their lives. This is His instructions. He didn't tell them to passively wait for every little instruction to come from him regarding how to do this. We have the bible for that. I really think we are trying to live our lives like God is micro managing us, when in reality, we are given so much freedom. No doubt that deciding to get married requires a lot of wisdom and discernment from God, but I don't believe that it's one of those things that God will drop in my lap in His chosen time. Marriage is part of living, like finding a job, or going on a mission. It's a decision we make and finding a mate is an action we pursue. Within the will of God, or course.
Amazing. Thanks for this post.
_____________________________
I used to have a horrible time finishing things but now I
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/12/2008 9:00:03 PM
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jika
Posts: 6
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline
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What a topic,
I would say for me that am still single because :
a- Gods will for my life
b- Personal goals and ambitions
c- Being single is not a curse, it is a life. It is a blessing to live the single life with fullfillment and enjoy the fellowship of your neighbors in singleville.
As for you, God gives us the desires of our heart, He does not curse us and rember, delay is NOT denial. May be according to your time your spouse is a little late, check with His time.
_____________________________
God for us
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/13/2008 12:18:49 AM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1253
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I think a lot of us are single because of our own doing. Perhaps it's a belief system that's not really biblical, perhaps, it's issues, socials, psychological, emotional, etc, that we have that we refuse to work on, perhaps it's because of choice, perhaps it's "false contentment", or we could be single long enough and we don't know how to let someone else in our lives even though we profess with words that we want to. For me, the longing is deep but my actions don't seem to reflect that I want to be married. It's something I have to work on. There's been a lot of men that's been attracted to me, but the moment they get close, I ran away. I can't blame that on God. It's my issue to work on. I believe that if I wasn't like that, I'd never be single for a long time, but as it is, I go years without even dating.
I think at times, we pretend that we're content with being single, but in reality, we're not. We're using those those as an excuse to move and pursue a relationship. We use the "waiting on God" excuse, the working for the ministry excuse, the 'not wanting to make a mistake" excuse. We use the Jeremiah 29:11 verse about God knowing the plans he had for us, but if you look at the context of the verse, it's about God's very specific promise to a specific people to bring them out of captivity in His time. What did God say to the Jews before those verses?
Jeremiah 29:5-9
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." 8 Yes, this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. 9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them," declares the LORD.
There it shows how God commanded people to live their lives. This is His instructions. He didn't tell them to passively wait for every little instruction to come from him regarding how to do this. We have the bible for that. I really think we are trying to live our lives like God is micro managing us, when in reality, we are given so much freedom. No doubt that deciding to get married requires a lot of wisdom and discernment from God, but I don't believe that it's one of those things that God will drop in my lap in His chosen time. Marriage is part of living, like finding a job, or going on a mission. It's a decision we make and finding a mate is an action we pursue. Within the will of God, or course.
Well, I'm going to be the lone person who will disagree with some parts of your post because first of all, many of us who are single is not of our own doing. Sure, we made a lot of wrong choices of men and/or women along the way and God took it away from us because of a reason. And he has his reasons why he take things away from us because he want us to look to him. Some of us lost husbands, wives or relationships that went south. But it is not because of our "own doing."
Secondly, what is wrong with being involved in ministry? Single christians should get off the pew and get involved in the lives of others. There is a whole other world outhere instead of moping around and thinking, me, me me. There are places that singles should be going and meeting up with people. Churches do have singles ministries not for the purpose of "hooking up"--and yes, that may happen. However, churches want their single christians to be involved in the body life of the church including within the four walls.
Being in the ministry nor waiting on God are not excuses. There is a blessing in waiting. I mean, Job waited patiently for the Lord. I know people get so frustrated about wating that people do desarate things and those desparate things will get you in trouble like picking the wrong mate or picking someone who will weaken your faith.
I think the problem is that us single christians are not happy because they let the "world" dictate what is right instead of letting the Lord direct their lives.
Trust in the Lord, folks and lean not to your own undertanding and let him give you direction.
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/17/2008 9:49:31 AM
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GrowinBaptist
Posts: 28
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline
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You are absolutely right, Gaylel. I would not be able to serve the way I am able right now if I were married. The single ladies in our singles class are doing a book study on this subject right now (Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right)...it's not a book on how to prepare for marriage with a man, but the ultimate "marriage" with the Lord as our Heavenly Bridegroom. As I walk closer to the Lord, with the help of this book, I have been able to let go and just enjoy being single! Do I wish for that special someone? Yep. But the Lord will bring him to me in His time and in His way. I certainly don't use that as an excuse to not "get out there" and spouse-hunt. That ends in disaster one way or another.
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/17/2008 9:19:52 PM
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Rivermoon
Posts: 56
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: T.O., Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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I think all of the posters have said a lot to respond to this question, so I'm not going to comment much. As for myself, I still have the desire to get married even though I have been waiting for 20 years now. Am I happy with it? NO. Is it intolerable? NOT either. I have asked myself the same question you asked. But I believe there's a purpose why I can't be married off by God. :-P Have I tried my best to get know any potentials? YES, but not much luck. What I can say is I just keep telling myself what kind of attitude I should hold towards this desire. I want to live the life to the fullest with the positive attitude regardless in the end I will get married. I have decided to treasure what I'm having right now, i.e. count the blessing and be thankful for my current status. Is it easy? Never. :-D I hope my sharing will bless you a bit. :-)
_____________________________
=^O^=
Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst
"And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)
*** PUSH- Pray Until Something Happens ***
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/18/2008 1:45:35 AM
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beachcooky
Posts: 893
Joined: 6/21/2008
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My former boyfriend, I loved very much. But God was telling me, "He's not the one" over & over. And I finally broke it off because he wasn't a Christian. All of a sudden, I felt so much peace after that decision. It hurts (I've been single for about a month now)...but I know I made the right decision.
I have made the decision not to date until God tells me to do otherwise. If it's God's will to stay single for the rest of my life, then I will try to be content with that. But if it''s God's will to get married, then I'll praise Him because of it. We should rejoice in God with whatever His will is, even if you don't think it's right. (:
_____________________________
www.myspace.com/xsweetheartforux
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/18/2008 9:07:59 AM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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I am single again because my husband of 23 years could not and did not want to give up his "habits". Praying for a miracle to happen for 23 years and seeing my four kids broken and confused with the dysfunction, finally I had to walk away with the kids and the marriage after five years of Christian marriage and family counseling. I have been single for three years, and miss being married.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/18/2008 10:20:48 AM
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Rivermoon
Posts: 56
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: T.O., Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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Hi Offtheisland,
I do understand how difficult it is that marrying someone who is your beloved, and you've been praying for him to get better (in a Godly way), but have spent so much efforts in helping him to do so, but in the end, you have to give up this marriage in order to preserve the wellbeing of yourself and your kids. It's so difficult when you see someone you love so much can't stand on his feet and be proactive to be better. It hurts, it truly hurts.
But I'm glad that you made the right decision to finally shift the focus on the wellbeing of yourself and your kids. You've done all you can do, that's the most important point. So keep doing what you need to do to move on. And make decision regarding to your relationship with your husband by praying to God, asking Him to give your discernment, and asking reliable sources, such as church pastor, good Godly friends, or even counselors what you should do in the future.
Do you feel like you're releasing a bondage with your husband? I am positive about your decision, and courage to make the decisions. Not to close up yourself, and be active to meet up with people, as you'll never know there're so many to offer by people around you, and you too, you have so much to offer to them too.
No one knows if you'll get married or not, only God knows. Same as I whether I'll ever get married or not, I have no idea. But we still need to live our days with positive attitudes and be proactive about life.
Let's keep encouraged,
Do keep enjoying life, it's not the doomsday yet. :-D
Rivermoon.
_____________________________
=^O^=
Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst
"And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)
*** PUSH- Pray Until Something Happens ***
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/18/2008 10:24:39 AM
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Rivermoon
Posts: 56
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: T.O., Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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quote:
I know God has A LOT of work to do in my life so when God brings me the right Christian man, i know He has totally healed me.
Thanks _prissy_ for this wisdom. I have been telling myself this is God's plan for me, as I'm dealing with residue issues from my childhood abuse. If I'll ever get married, this will be the answer for my marriage. Even if not, I'll still praise Him for His fingerprints in my life. :-D
_____________________________
=^O^=
Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst
"And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)
*** PUSH- Pray Until Something Happens ***
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/18/2008 11:54:42 AM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
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Thanks for the encouragement, Rivermoon.
My children, thanks to God's grace and mercy are coming to understand the dysfunction. We do not have contact with my x since he moved out of the country. I am doing well with being a single parent. The church I attend have been very supportive. Senior pastor and leadership know of our family history and my lifestyle prior to being saved. Thank God for leadership that teaches grace and mercy. If not, I would be a bitter woman.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/18/2008 5:01:27 PM
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Rivermoon
Posts: 56
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: T.O., Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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Truly glad to hear what a supportive church you have. This is encouraging. Keep living your life proactively, offtheisland. It encourages me too. :-D
_____________________________
=^O^=
Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst
"And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)
*** PUSH- Pray Until Something Happens ***
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/21/2008 12:33:13 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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Here's another reason married people are concluding to why we are still single: Our standards are too high. Yeah, I agree there are some of us who have totally too high of a standard that no man may be able to reach. And then, I have been told that I am intimidating. Wow! Now, I am looking at myself as to how I am that way and asking friends to tell me what I do that comes across that way.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/21/2008 12:41:11 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12573
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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Oh, I get the intimidating thing - all the time! It's actually pretty true - but, there's nothing that I can do about it - I am NOT changing who I am for any man. God made me this way for His glory - not man's. Those who can't deal with me keep falling by the wayside. Maybe it's time for me to believe what I've been hearing all of my life and begin looking for someone who won't be intimidated?
Hmmm.....thanks for posting that - goes right along with the "self-evaluation" going on right now.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/21/2008 12:47:53 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3830
Joined: 3/30/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
Oh, I get the intimidating thing - all the time! It's actually pretty true - but, there's nothing that I can do about it - I am NOT changing who I am for any man. God made me this way for His glory - not man's. Those who can't deal with me keep falling by the wayside. Maybe it's time for me to believe what I've been hearing all of my life and begin looking for someone who won't be intimidated?
Amen!
Do you remember sometime in the past when someone posted about remarkable women sitting in the top of a tree? Most men are too lazy or insecure to make the effort to climb up that tree in order to reach these women. Some guys, though, really do aspire to reach the top and will expend the energy and take the risk when they meet their special woman.
Ladies, there's no need to settle. You just haven't met the right men yet.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/21/2008 1:06:45 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4192
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
Most men are too lazy or insecure to make the effort to climb up that tree in order to reach these women.
what percentage of men do you think are lazy and insecure? are you talking about all men in general, or ones that are single and your age (or lisa's age)?
_____________________________
Photoblogging My Life
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/21/2008 1:09:36 PM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 10842
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
Status: offline
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Ok so i've read the entire thread and everybodys answers. Mine is a bit different though.
Yes I know, that God will provide for me in His time. My biggest issue is, that how can I expect someone to love me when I can't love myself. When I learn to love myself and am happy with me, then maybe just maybe somebody else will too.
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
Dance like no one is watching. If they are, who cares!
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/21/2008 1:10:58 PM
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Rivermoon
Posts: 56
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: T.O., Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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I'm right with you girls. I'm intimidating to the men too, as I'm as intelligent as or even more intelligent than them. My male co-workers enjoy working with me as I have equal level of intelligence to deal with work with them. But no men dare to get closer to me personally as they are just so insecure to face me.
But I keep telling myself, never settle for less, as I can't put myself down, and pretend I'm less than myself forever in order to attract men. They just have to take me as a whole package. :-D
_____________________________
=^O^=
Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst
"And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)
*** PUSH- Pray Until Something Happens ***
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RE: Why are you still single? - 7/21/2008 1:14:58 PM
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