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I have no friends.... help please! - 6/26/2008 12:29:48 AM
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breanne
Posts: 123
Joined: 9/27/2007
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I've had a hard time making friends over the last few years. Mostly because I've had issues with so-called "friends" in the passed and I've developed this difficulty with trust and opening up and really connecting with people.
I'm honestly a very lonely person, and I want to know what are some ways that I can possible make some good friends without going out into too many "social scene" type activities and such. I want to make friends with people around my age. It seems like the only people I've been getting along with are 16/17 year old teenagers. I want to meet people around my age, who have their own transportation and we can go hang out at the mall or something, ya know?
Seriously, anybody have any advice, being that I'm posting in the "young adults" forum?
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Previously known as:
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"Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." - 1 Timothy 6:12
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 6/26/2008 10:41:55 AM
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fluffmonkey
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Breanne, Have you prayed about this situation? if so continue to pray but if not prayer is first place to start. Trusting others is always a slow process...but you must give people the chance or else you want get any where... Some people ask "why dont I have friends" yet they make no effort to say hi to anyone.... they wait for people to come to them...there is alot shy people so dont always expect some one to make the first move... I know a life with out friends can be hard and lonely. Does your church have a Young Adult group? If so are you going? if not that is good place to meet new friends around your age..
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 6/26/2008 1:29:08 PM
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breanne
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Yeah I do pray about it. I just wonder if there's anything I can do... something to bring me out of my shell or something. The church I go to does not have a young adults group, actually.
_____________________________
Previously known as:
flannel_pants /
"Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." - 1 Timothy 6:12
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 6/26/2008 3:43:25 PM
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fluffmonkey
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Well Maybe you could check out and see if other surround churches do, Or if not maybe mention to someone about starting one at church.
I know its not the easiest thing to do... I was what you call a Loner >_> eh still can be that way sometimes lol
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 6/26/2008 9:34:42 PM
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manunitedfan08
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ya i have to say i completely understand where you are coming from because I am currently going through the same thing except i am in my 20's. I moved away from all my friends and had a falling out with my best friend from college. Now that i am at home i have no one to socialize with and well its not really the most healthy thing for me. But really like others have mentioned prayer is one thing that can help.
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 6/26/2008 11:20:16 PM
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Cc20
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From: Oklahoma
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aw..breanne, i know exactly how u feel, I didnt make any friends until i was 19, and they all live far from me and we cant hang out unless we drive really far to see one another. And i'm poor at making friends in public becoz i'm really shy and reserved..which i've been like this for years. It's really strange cause deep inside i wanna just break out, but somethings' hindering me! i dont know what it is honestly! But i'm so sorry breanne! God will help you if you continue to pray, and also if you listen intently to God's whispers and His signs.
and i have a good friend, who also feels exactly the same way you do, he can't find a church with a young adult group, and when he finally did find one, he had to move and lost all the friends he made there..it makes me sad really!  I think that i can understand it but really i have no idea! why i still live with my family, he has no one.
anyways God Bless you and i will be praying!
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He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 6/27/2008 1:35:11 AM
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fluffmonkey
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For years I had very few people that came in my life that were friends, I went threw depression for a long time... and prayer was so helpful. God lead me away from that life and although I dont have any friends, I do have a best friend, he is my fiance.
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 6/29/2008 4:16:58 AM
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beachcooky
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hey :)
my heart goes out to you.
i've struggled with that in the past.
but then i went out of my comfort zone.
i was comfortable just being alone because i didn't want to get hurt.
but i was lonely and i wanted friends...so i went out of my comfort zone and just approached people and talked to them.
now i have plenty of friends because i became more outgoing.
the bible tells us that God will give you the desires of your heart if you delight in Him.
if you really have a desire to have friends, then God will help you.
but you need to work too. try getting out of your comfort zone. it's not going to be easy. it's going to be hard at first, but if you keep doing it, it'll get easier and easier.
god can't really help you if you don't help yourself. you know what i mean? he wants to help you so much!
and you know what? god wants to be your best friend.
it's so hard to realize that because you are so alone. i know the feeling. and my heart really does go out to you.
try joining clubs if you're still in middle school/high school.
maybe go to activities outside of school.
and remember, god loves you soooo much.
so so so much.
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 6/29/2008 2:24:57 PM
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breanne
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Ya know honestly I'm feeling a little bit better since when I originally posted this.
See, Wednesday the 25th was my 23rd birthday and I was really miserable that day. I barely got any "happy birthdays", I only got a couple of little presents from two family members, and I was just plain lousy.
A girl at work, I think I might actually be getting comfortable with her. I opened up to her a little bit the other day, and it actually kind of helped. She gave me her number and said I could call her if I needed somebody to talk to. I don't know if she's Christian, but it could be a good witnessing experience if she isn't.
_____________________________
Previously known as:
flannel_pants /
"Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." - 1 Timothy 6:12
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 7/5/2008 11:59:19 PM
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beachcooky
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quote:
ORIGINAL: breanne
Ya know honestly I'm feeling a little bit better since when I originally posted this.
See, Wednesday the 25th was my 23rd birthday and I was really miserable that day. I barely got any "happy birthdays", I only got a couple of little presents from two family members, and I was just plain lousy.
A girl at work, I think I might actually be getting comfortable with her. I opened up to her a little bit the other day, and it actually kind of helped. She gave me her number and said I could call her if I needed somebody to talk to. I don't know if she's Christian, but it could be a good witnessing experience if she isn't.
That's awesome. Try to approach a few people. Come out of your comfort zone, and I am so glad that you met a woman!!!!! Woo!
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 7/11/2008 6:16:32 PM
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LilyoftheVallie
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I am in your position, so i know what its like. Pray about it. Maybe even finding friends your age at church would be a good idea. Im praying for your friend at work. Step out in faith!
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 7/12/2008 3:40:48 AM
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semperfidelis
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Hang in there. Pray. Find something you like doing where people are involved. Just get out and do stuff. I'm 25 and still not very good at this despite being considered an unofficial "leader" at my church of 800 people.
My best friend is getting married August, I haven't been able to spend any time with him in 4 months. Another friend is off in China for the summer and they were my closest buddies. I miss them. For various reasons, I don't know many other people very well and none of them are very friendly or reciprocal. My solution? Love God and love people. He is my answer. In Him and only in Him will I and anybody else ever find all we need.
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 7/16/2008 10:19:26 PM
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beachcooky
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It is ultimately up to YOU to make friends. Don't expect everyone to come to you!
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 7/17/2008 12:48:25 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
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I never had any friends, only imaginary ones.
Even they played with the kids across the street...
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 7/18/2008 12:06:28 AM
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theothergabriel
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quote:
I'm honestly a very lonely person
Loneliness is rough. I know about it far too well. After six days of creation, and all the things He had made, God said that all of the works of His hand were GOOD...except..."It is not good for man to be alone". God's answer was to make for Adam a helper. I'm not saying that you should get married to satisfy your need for relationship...far from it. I am saying this solely for the purpose of stating that God does not want you to be lonely.
For the past few years, I've been reading several books by Henri Nouwen, especially Seeds of Hope, and The Way of the Heart. In both books, he speaks on the differences between the feeling of loneliness, the act of being alone, and the state of solitude.
In short, loneliness is what you feel when you are by yourself and are unsettled or troubled by it. Being alone is obvious; it is when you are by yourself (refers more to a state of mind than physical isolation. In other words, you can be in a room full of people and still be alone. Solitude, in a Christian sense, is where you turn your "alone-ness" into time spent with God, in His presence.
No matter where you are, God is there. All you have to do is recognize Him.
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See what I'm saying at: http://theothergabriel.wordpress.com
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 7/18/2008 12:16:36 AM
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theothergabriel
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quote:
ORIGINAL: beachcooky
It is ultimately up to YOU to make friends. Don't expect everyone to come to you!
WOW! This is wisdom.
In order to make friends, you have to BE A FRIEND...whatever that means to you. Sometimes, it means listening to others. Other times, it means lending a helping hand or two. And, usually, it takes a few tries before you get it right.
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See what I'm saying at: http://theothergabriel.wordpress.com
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 7/23/2008 11:34:05 PM
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Aenjal
Posts: 16
Joined: 7/15/2008
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to the author of this thread (and anyone else who this may apply to): if you are still having trust issues, you may want to check out a book called "Who Can You Trust?" by Howard E. Butt, Jr.
i'm not sure how much it would help, but if it looks like something you would want to read, then buying it could be money well spent. either of the King James versions of the bible, or the New American Standard Bible would also be a good idea.
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 7/24/2008 2:02:39 AM
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Cc20
Posts: 301
Joined: 1/2/2008
From: Oklahoma
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: theothergabriel
quote:
I'm honestly a very lonely person
Loneliness is rough. I know about it far too well. After six days of creation, and all the things He had made, God said that all of the works of His hand were GOOD...except..."It is not good for man to be alone". God's answer was to make for Adam a helper. I'm not saying that you should get married to satisfy your need for relationship...far from it. I am saying this solely for the purpose of stating that God does not want you to be lonely.
For the past few years, I've been reading several books by Henri Nouwen, especially Seeds of Hope, and The Way of the Heart. In both books, he speaks on the differences between the feeling of loneliness, the act of being alone, and the state of solitude.
In short, loneliness is what you feel when you are by yourself and are unsettled or troubled by it. Being alone is obvious; it is when you are by yourself (refers more to a state of mind than physical isolation. In other words, you can be in a room full of people and still be alone. Solitude, in a Christian sense, is where you turn your "alone-ness" into time spent with God, in His presence.
No matter where you are, God is there. All you have to do is recognize Him.
Indeed it is not good for man to be alone..loneliness causes depression! as humans we were created to be in fellowship with one another..we're not meant to be isolated! that's why God created so many creatures because even they can provide company for the extremely lonely of us!  and if u have a very strong relationship with Christ, you'll gradually feel that loenliness start to seem less and less present.
_____________________________
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT
*CC*
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 8/1/2008 11:24:34 PM
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beachcooky
Posts: 893
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Hey Breanne!
Just wanted to say hi!
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 8/2/2008 11:07:14 PM
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nukedukem31
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Joined: 8/31/2007
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I know how you feel. My loneliness only ended for me when I got involved at my church. I volunteer in the High School and Middle School youth groups and attend the College group. If your church does not have these things, you should look into other local churches that do!
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RE: I have no friends.... help please! - 8/29/2008 9:01:29 AM
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collybird
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From: UK
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Hi everyone! I'm in a similar situation but I am quite comfortable with it at the moment.
At 24 I find myself with more things in common with younger teenagers, I like talking about TV, movies, shoppinh and just hanging out. Very innocent things, I don't drink, I hate bars etc and although I'm often invited to those types of places I always decline.
In the UK there is literally no way I know of meeting any other Christians around my age, we don't have youth groups etc. I'm hoping to spend the summer after I graduate (in 2010) as a counselor at a faith camp so that I can meet fellow Christians.
This thread makes me feel better about myself to know that I'm not alone, thank you guys.
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