|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 7:50:51 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
Sideways: YES I KNOW
sigh. that's why I WANT IT NOW.
cos i'm sure it'll work. i'm sure all will be fine...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 8:13:46 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
Sideways: EXACTLY
i agree with you all...but what do i do?
give him an ultimatum?
sigh. i'm not even worried about family planning yet
as we already don't plan to have kids within the 1st yr of marriage...
and yes BC is def necessary...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 8:17:19 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
saved from wrath: thanks for the reply to the pm
HOW DO I KNOW WHAT GOD WANTS ME TO DO?
am i even good enough for him? if i am why am i not willing to be patient and wait and not pressure him?
sigh. i am praying... and i know i really want this to work.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 8:19:18 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
Wild-Rose:
he is sort of thinking it more in terms of longterm
whereas perhaps im more of the here & now...
perhaps i'll try to bargain? heh.
any ideas? haha... sigh.
we're each other's firsts(: and i don't see myself with anyone else.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 8:22:18 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
fluffmonkey:
thanks so much. i am praying...and it seems like all i can do now is wait.
well it's been close to 7 yrs...i guess he might have said give him another 4 yrs...and that he'll surprise me b4 e 4yrs is up...but when?
like you said - perhaps i just have to forget my thoughts abt marriage n all... cos i can't really do anything abt it?
and that the time will come?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 8:28:35 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
Laura: thank you.
but not ready with regards to?
we're both 23. that's perhaps it. so i can't push for it, as you said.
all i can do is wait?
honestly - i've already sort of waited 7yrs...so i should be able to wait somemore?
in terms of intimacy, we're both tempted - it's hard for both i reckon
but he seems to be able to want to wait, if you know what i mean?
that 4yrs seem manageable with lots of prayer and boundaries
i miss his affection :( yes its definitely cooled off and hence it's putting a strain as well i think.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 8:59:46 AM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 2851
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
quote:
Laura: thank you.
but not ready with regards to?
I would presume that by saying he's not ready he means he's not ready for marriage, the responsibilities of marriage, being a husband, being committed, the possibility of children, everything that marriage entails.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 9:02:20 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
Okay.
I should sit down and talk to him soon. Somehow.
Help me out. Any advice.
What to say, what to ask, what to encourage it...
how to perhaps get married sooner! :)
Both sides parents are agreeable to marriage, but they also felt abit young,
perhaps can just wait and see...
If all else fails - how do I be patient?
DEAR ALL, please keep us in prayer. the both of us. that everything will work out.
thanks. prayers work wonders. thanks so much.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 9:04:41 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
Thanks Laura, your advice for me would be to pray, and wait, right?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 9:06:39 AM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 2851
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
Based on what you have posted he hasn't even proposed. Have the two of you ever seriously discussed marriage together?
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 9:09:02 AM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 2851
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: fingerprintsofgod
Thanks Laura, your advice for me would be to pray, and wait, right?
My advice for you would be to pray. I don't know about waiting. Waiting for your boyfriend may be a very long wait. Waiting on God's plan...definitely. Waiting for the husband that God intends for you...definitely. That husband may or may not be your boyfriend.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 12:05:27 PM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
No he hasn't proposed.
We have discussed marriage.
But what would serious discussion encompass?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 12:10:08 PM
|
|
|
crankius
Posts: 4470
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
Based on what you have posted he hasn't even proposed. Have the two of you ever seriously discussed marriage together?
And if you have discussed marriage, I wonder how those discussions have gone. How does he talk about it with you?
I don't know him, but it sounds quite arrogant for him to ask the girl he loves to sit around for three more years while he makes money.
You can't go wrong putting your whole future into God's hands. The more years you spend with this man, the more you are invested in every way. How much does God want you to invest in a man who isn't your husband and isn't ready to become your husband?
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 12:16:23 PM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
crankius:
what would you normally discuss?
some discussions are good - with plans, kids, housing etc
and some discussions are not so good - he feels the stress.
probably 3-4 years...
i'm hoping & praying it'll be TWO
and that he's just saying 4 just in case?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 12:31:56 PM
|
|
|
crankius
Posts: 4470
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
More questions for you to think about, but you don't have to answer in the thread unless you want to.
Does he have a good relationship with his parents? Is he a believer? More specific--is he a practicing believer? Does he read his Bible? Does he attend church? Does he pray regularly? Does he talk with you about spiritual things? Does he talk with his parents about these things? Does he have older men he looks up to? Does he have a pastor that he has a relationship with?
What about you--if he isn't ready for five or six years, will you be ok with that? What are you doing with your life in the meantime?
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 1:04:00 PM
|
|
|
crankius
Posts: 4470
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
what would you normally discuss?
This is difficult to answer, because he doesn't want to get married. When two people love each other and want to get married, there is a ton of stuff to discuss. You can search online for lists of premarital questions if you both want to think seriously about marriage.
Since he doesn't want to get married, there is "stress" like you stated.
What kind of stress does he feel when you discuss? Does it feel like pressure to him? Or is he stressed about trying to make enough money? What is going through his mind?
Is he thinking about how to provide for his future wife in more ways than just financially? Is he thinking about being a Godly husband for you, and preparing himself? What is his focus?
You have a lot to think and pray about, for sure.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 1:46:13 PM
|
|
|
fluffmonkey
Posts: 1623
Joined: 2/17/2007
From: some where over the rainbow
Status: offline
|
I want to share something with you ... before I got engaged I kept waiting what seemed like along time and wanting to be married to my sweetie!! Although my sweetie wanted to be married too but yet he was no ready for that yet... I was like you in away I was impatient because I wanted to be married to him soon! I didnt see why we were waiting...well but little by little it started to bother me about not being engaged...well I couldnt stand that feeling that way...so I prayed that God would help me not focus on rushing marriage but that He would let me know when the right time is... and so when I had finally stop worrying about not getting married at that time... it wasnt to much longer after...he proposed to me :) and unlike many couples we are not rushing this engagement and we do not even have a wedding date set yet... which kinda aggravates me at times but I am trusting in God to help lead us in right direction!
Honstly have a talk with him, telling how your feeling and that you understand that you want to be secure...but maybe a long engagement would be a good thing to move towards... and then leave it that ... maybe your a rushing it in away...maybe its not yet time for this in your life... Just continue to pray and keep God in your life and God will guide you and direct you.
Patience produces Greatness!
_____________________________
My Blog
Daily Fun Blog
(\__/)
(=' '=)
(")_(")
Jennifer
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 4:37:06 PM
|
|
|
sudden
Posts: 166
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
|
Hi Fingerprints!
You say you want to get married ASAP! You are 23! hmmmm...o.k.
Is it to him specifically you want to get married or is it him you wish to marry because he's the guy that's been around? In other words do you just wish to get married soon?
If that is the case don't waste another 7 years "waiting" around for someone.
If you love him and you think he is right for you...only you can decide whether you want to possibly wait another 4 years. There are no guarantees. He may never wish to marry or he may not wish to marry you in 4 years time.
A side opinion...you are only 23.. I'd have thought there'd be no need to rush to the alter unless you are hoping to have an enormous family....but that is just an opinion.
I wish you the best in making your decision,
Sudden
_____________________________
I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 4:49:32 PM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 2851
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
I've been thinking about your situation. I suggest that you not spend the next 4 years "waiting". Spend it "doing". Go to college. Get a degree. If you already have a Bachelor's, get a Master's or even a Ph.D. Or, get involved in missions. Whatever. Just don't sit around "waiting".
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 5:21:51 PM
|
|
|
sudden
Posts: 166
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
|
Hi Fingerprints:
quote:
ORIGINAL: fingerprintsofgod
No he hasn't proposed.
We have discussed marriage.
But what would serious discussion encompass?
I like to post before reading the other responses and have just done so. What to discuss? Where will we live? What type of dwelling?
Do we want children? When? How many? How will we parent the children? How did your spouses parents raise them? What were some of the special things you enjoyed about being part of that family? What was discipline? WHo was the principal leader in the family? Discipline the children? What type of school will we send them to? What about extra curricular activities? How many per week? What will be offered? Will we set aside special family time? Time for family devotions?
What about other family? Will they visit us when? how often? How will special holiday visits be handled - where, when, how often, with who? What about guests? How often will we have friends in? Invite friends to stay over night? For how long? How many nights a week can your spouse be out on their own? How much time will each spend with friends - or on their own...i.e., girls' dinners, night classes, volunteering organizations and so forth. What is comfortable for each in this area. Where will we go to church? Will we have a date night? If so, how often and when?
Division of family chores. Who will do what? When will chores be done? What do you enjoy doing? Not enjoy doing so much? What are you willing to do that neither of you wants to do?
Now the biggie - finances! This breaks up more marriages than anything else so discuss in detail. Disclose assets/liabilities. Develop a plan - a budget - particularily with regard to variable expenses. How much will we spend each week on entertainment? Where will we go? What will we do? How often will we eat out? Take out food? How much will we spend on clothing, savings, charitable giving, retirement savings, contingency funds, gifts and so forth. What type of insurance will we buy? Will there be any rules about when purchasing decisions are discussed? i.e. my husband and I have a rule that if the item we wish to purchase is more than $500 we discuss it with the other before purchasing. Will we have joint accounts? separate accounts? some of each? How will bill payments be handled and by whom? How will we inform one another of our joint financial position so that no banking errors occur.
Vacations? Where? When? How much to spend? How often? Doing what?
That ought to give you something to start with.
Sudden
< Message edited by sudden -- 8/21/2008 5:32:37 PM >
_____________________________
I will lie down in rest and sleep and peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 5:31:24 PM
|
|
|
DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 7728
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: fingerprintsofgod
why are you not able to marry your gf at this point in time then?
Distance.
We're not able to see each other on a regular basis, unlike other couples. Therefore, it makes getting married incredibly difficult. It's not the easiest thing to maintain.
quote:
at what age would you think you'll settle down with your gf?
Whenever I'm able to. There is no justifiable reason to wait to spend the rest of my life with the one I love. You can add elements such as finances or whatever, but how much more would you be spending individually? Logic says that paying for an apartment together isn't as expensive as paying for one separately.
quote:
yeah. i guess...i just want it asap...if possible with the preparations and all...next year or something. like propose now.
I couldn't probably handle your situation. I'm not willing to wait more than two years to get married. That is my limit.
quote:
if i do wait another few more years..does it matter?
It depends on his sincere reason for waiting. If he keeps putting it off, he merely isn't ready. If you love someone, you want to begin a life together, not delay it for 11 years. That's ridiculous.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 9:11:01 PM
|
|
|
crankius
Posts: 4470
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
I asked Mr. Crankius, who himself was once a young man who wanted to wait to marry  , and he said "drop him like a hot potato." 
Of course, he doesn't know your boyfriend so he can't give you an accurate assessment, but he said that most of the time when a man says he isn't ready and wants to wait three or four more years, he is probably not being honest with the girl, and is most likely thinking (perhaps even subconsciously), "Someone better might come along."
This may not be true in your boyfriend's case, but I thought I would share it with you so that you could hear an older man's opinion.
Mr. Crankius thought that from what you had posted about your boyfriend, he was most likely not ready to marry or be in a serious relationship with a girl heading for marriage.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/21/2008 9:12:22 PM
|
|
|
crankius
Posts: 4470
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
I've been thinking about your situation. I suggest that you not spend the next 4 years "waiting". Spend it "doing". Go to college. Get a degree. If you already have a Bachelor's, get a Master's or even a Ph.D. Or, get involved in missions. Whatever. Just don't sit around "waiting".
Agree!
I think this is the best advice given in this thread.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/22/2008 2:31:55 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
crankius:
thanks. his rship w his parents - rather good.
he's praying for his dad's salvation. his mum sort of believes but doesn't attend church regularly.
he's a strong & practicing believer. attends church and cell/bible study regularly. prays and does quiet time daily...
we both have a pastor we're accountable to.
i've just graduated and am looking for a job.
pray for me, and us. thank you once again.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 7years.wanting to get married - 8/22/2008 2:35:27 AM
|
|
|
fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
|
fluffmonkey:
thank you too. you're cheery:)
perhaps i'm hoping for a proposal.
an engagement..be it a long one...
and i can wait...for registering/marriage later
some form of reassurance perhaps?
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
