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RE: i dont understand guys - 10/3/2008 2:18:05 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 613
Joined: 7/13/2007
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So your husband is a relatively new Christian. Those books I recommended (start with Every Man's Battle) should really help him to understand what is wrong with porn and lustful "looking" and why Christains aren't supposed to do it. It'll help guide him in how to stop and also help him to understand how it hurts you and your marriage.
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RE: i dont understand guys - 10/3/2008 3:35:44 PM
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DuckTalk
Posts: 228
Joined: 9/16/2008
From: A Duck Hole in Tennessee
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kellgaste
I only posted in this Thread as I didn't see any other men posting a reply and didn't want you to only have a woman's perspective.
Are you sure that you are the only male to post?
_____________________________
Sufferin' sassafrass. The nerve of some people, profitting from other people's miseries.
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RE: i dont understand guys - 10/3/2008 3:49:00 PM
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butterflymom22
Posts: 12
Joined: 10/2/2008
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i like to know what the guys think about this, so keep postin.
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RE: i dont understand guys - 10/5/2008 12:05:00 PM
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Kellgaste
Posts: 451
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Wyoming
Status: offline
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Norak my Lady: I wasn't in any way shape or form saying that your advice was bad advice. Yes, when you have a lot of exposure to men, as in a general way we like things simple, your perspective and experience most definitely counts! With many counsellors wisdom is found, (Not a direct quote from the bible, more like in my own words), person still has to filter all of that council through prayer and time with the Lord Jesus Christ :D.
Hello Butterfly,
As to porn, from my perspective, have I ever looked at porn...yes. Am I proud of it, no. Have I ever subscribed to a site with it...no. I did it at a relatively young age "exploring". I have not looked at porn for a very very long time and find I don't need to. There are a few reasons for this: 1) I HATE being teased 2) It really isn't worth the wasted time and energy 3) Its not biblical (These are not in any particular order btw :P)
With that said, you may be wondering why some men gravitate to it even though they are in a relationship/married. Well that is a bit tough to generalize as it is a case by case situation. As far as why I would think your hubby is doing that, I could speculate, but truth is, I will not speculate. I would sit down and ask him point blank over a cup of cofee/tea/prefered beverage WHY??
Now, a suggestion on how you approach it, let him know in a general way, that what he is doing is making YOU feel unloved and viewed as unimportant. Let him know that you Respect him very much (You could list off a few Respecting points to drive the point home here), but what he is doing hurts VERY much and it makes you feel as....(Input how it makes you truly feel)!
I have discovered that We men are Commanded by the Lord to Unconditionally Love our Brides/Spouses/Mates/Girlfriends etc..because we are not created to Love in that way (Like Women are), where as Women are Commanded by the Lord to Respect there husbands unconditionally because they in turn are not created to do that in that way. Find the Biblical Ref's in Ephesians 5 also I referenced a book I read called: Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.
Make sure you have his Undivided attention before you sit him down. Please be BLUNT but kind/respectful. The delivery is just as important as the message itself, and I don't know to many men who prefer Subtlety over Blunt and to the point. If you come across as "attacking" he will throw up "deflector screens/defensive posture" and he may then react in an even more unloving way.
Ok, now on a more umm how should I put this, attention grabbing way if he is not responding to you verbally. Try Physically, meaning.....well, stand infront of him in your Birthday suit and let him know you need to speak to him.
Of course this is all with the assumption that you have been praying about this on a Just course of action and the way the Lord would like you to approach it.
Ok, I have typed way to much, I hope you actually read it :P.
God Bless my Lady and I pray that the Lord Softens his heart and enables him to be reseptive to your conversation/discussion.
-Kell
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RE: i dont understand guys - 10/6/2008 11:40:31 PM
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amcnelly
Posts: 13
Joined: 10/2/2008
Status: offline
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i have been married for about three and a half years. i remember when i had my youngest that i too felt really unattractive even though my husband made it pretty obvious i wasn't. he is the type of man to look (not stare) at a pretty woman but i know that he doesn't mean anything by it. as humans we are programmed to appreciate beauty. it is hard to keep from noticing when beautiful things are near. have you tried talking to him about these feelings you have? i know that after i discussed my feelings with my hubby i felt a whole lot better.
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RE: i dont understand guys - 10/29/2008 11:16:21 PM
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numbingeffect
Posts: 8
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline
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I know this may be confusing because part of you is feeling all these racing thoughts but (being a male) I have to point out that there really isn't too much else that will drive away a man than what you're doing. My wife has done it, does it, and more than likely will do it again! During our 5th year I handed her my ring and stated, "I can't do it anymore. I cannot listen to this negativity. It's driving me so insane to hear it constantly that it's making me suicidal."
True story. I don't want anyone to have to go through what I have so I'm speaking my mind a bit. I know you'll feel the urge but don't do it. Change your wording. Think before you speak. Just my two cents.
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RE: i dont understand guys - 10/31/2008 11:55:10 PM
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firefighter38310
Posts: 36
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline
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One guy’s perspective;
I work in a profession dominated by women. They don’t wear the white uniforms anymore but in Emergency room where I work and I think most all wear blue scrubs although some woman do wear some prints and pastels.
I do see some of my female co-workers as more appealing than others but it isn’t really there manner of dress but there attitude. I like a woman who is self confident, maintains eye contact and is good in the ER. I could care less about her scrubs and how they fit or her age, hair color, etc.
There is only one woman in my life I consider sexually attractive. That’s my wife and I tell her. She doesn’t always perceive my perception as true; maybe because we humans see our frailties more than others or we have problems with others see us as we really are. I both try to show my wife how I feel about her both mentally and physically but in reality sometimes she doesn’t feel it. The flip side is I don’t always feel I look like the compliments she gives to me.
Has my wife looked at a guy in the mall before and thought him attractive. I assume so. I think that’s normal behavior. I am not a jealous male but to relay a little jealousy to my wife is good. I feel it makes her think I feel she is attractive and I love being attached to her.
My wife had been looking for the right job for about 9 months. She has experience in 911 and rescue and we have just let the Lords hand work in it. She told me yesterday she got sworn in as a County Deputy and this morning as I was leaving she was dressed in her official uniform. My first thoughts were, “this uniform just doesn’t impress me at all on my wife. She is too feminine for this attire” but as the day wore on and she stopped by work to visit. I admit I have thought about how nice it would be tonight for me to help her out of her uniform. I am not trying to be too personal but to allay the fact that my wife is my wife and I love her. My clothes not hers make us, our personalities do. I said that because I go to work in pajamas lol well scrubs.
About tonight; its 23:00 central time and we both have to work in the am and our kids have left their grandkids with us and they have maxed out on candy. Wish I could still get some paregoric…lol j/k
By the way….I will never be able to justify anyone watching porn. It is a sickness and invades some marriages. It is an addiction I assume and like all addictions can be treated with prayer and counseling.
Have a blessed day..it will probably be the morning before I get these two to bed.
Have a blessed day dave
_____________________________
if you want the mission accomlished overnight..dont call Fed-Ex call a Navy Seal Team
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