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RE: Please pray for us. - 1/26/2009 5:02:37 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 1755
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From: Canada
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Tell her, with a smile and sympathy, that you hope she really enjoys this last fling in the "we have enough money for frivolous stuff" lifestyle. She needs to know that life looks different when you have to live within your means. There's not going to be many more ultra-vacations or fancy clothes for a good long time.
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RE: Please pray for us. - 1/26/2009 5:08:26 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 1836
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From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
Tell her, with a smile and sympathy, that you hope she really enjoys this last fling in the "we have enough money for frivolous stuff" lifestyle. She needs to know that life looks different when you have to live within your means. There's not going to be many more ultra-vacations or fancy clothes for a good long time.
While I understand where you're coming from...I don't think that Roberta should go about it in this manner. Rather she should explain that until her father is 'forced' to give them the money that he should be willing to out of concern/parentage of her by the courts that things are going to be tight. Her daughter need to know exactly why money is tight and that her father is being selfish, imo.
I don't consider Disneyland an ultra-vacation...especially since her daughter saved money to go on the trip.
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RE: Please pray for us. - 1/26/2009 5:15:28 PM
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bolt.
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Fair enough. That's a good explanation too, I had skipped that important element that the circumstance comes from her father's unwillingness to support his child unless the law makes him do so. I just kind of meant that one parent's "means" is clearly less than two parent's "means".
I guess whether or not Disney is an ultra-vacation depends on how far away it is from your home. From my home, on my "means", it's definitely ultra.
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RE: Please pray for us. - 1/26/2009 5:34:14 PM
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bolt.
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Duh! I knew that from this thread, but how stupid am I, I just think that Disney must not be close or affordable for anybody! How many times has California been mentioned, and I didn't clue in! I'd better stop giving advice now. I'm clearly not using my brain to full capacity.
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Please pray for us. - 1/26/2009 5:38:56 PM
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PinkCarnations
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I think it's a seven hour drive to Disney. They are going next month because the girls have some three day weekends coming and the rates are cheaper.
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Good grief! - 1/28/2009 5:38:08 PM
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PinkCarnations
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I got the child support check today with a note that says he'll continue child support for the month of February and then that's it. He said that he loves me very much and that if I go back to him he will give me the money that he is paying in child support each month as spending cash for myself. 
I have no idea what makes him think that it was ever a money issue in the first place!
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RE: Good grief! - 1/28/2009 5:43:07 PM
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hnt
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I would hold on to that note, and show it to the child support agency. If that isn't cause to taking the money directly out of his check I don't know what would be.
WOW! What nerve! Talk about coersion.
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RE: Good grief! - 1/28/2009 6:07:57 PM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hnt
I would hold on to that note, and show it to the child support agency.
Yes! I agree absolutely with hnt.
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RE: Please pray for us. - 1/28/2009 6:38:13 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 1255
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quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
I guess whether or not Disney is an ultra-vacation depends on how far away it is from your home. From my home, on my "means", it's definitely ultra.
From where we live it would be ultra too...but Roberta lives in CA. 
LOL, from where I am, it's a school field trip - literally. My 4th grader goes in March . . . yippee...no, really, torture!
But the note with the check is downright bizarre! That's going to convince you to run right back into his arms! Geez! (I agree, hold on to that note.)
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RE: Good grief! - 1/28/2009 6:50:14 PM
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Kath
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quote:
I have no idea what makes him think that it was ever a money issue in the first place!
because he just cannot believe it is something about himself personally that caused the problems, so he's looking for something else.
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RE: Please pray for us. - 1/28/2009 6:54:12 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 6482
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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It's unanimous...save the note to show to child support people.
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RE: Please pray for us. - 1/28/2009 6:57:47 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 7966
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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I agree. I also understand that it's much harder to think rationally about this when you are in the middle of it.
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RE: Please pray for us. - 1/28/2009 7:23:46 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 1755
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From: Canada
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If he wants to rent a wife for a low monthly fee, I'm sure there are agencies that will meet that desire... NOT!
You are not for sale. If he "loves you very much" he can step up and act like it.
In the mean time, as a duty under your covenant as Mother to your Daughter, being well aware in advance of a significant drop in household income that may effect her health and happiness -- you are obligated to visit your local court house (or separate agency) in order to have mandatory child support calculated and enforced however is appropriate. This may take a while (or it might be quite efficient) but get on it. Now.
(The other thing the note does is show that he has that much money to send if he wanted to, which means it will be hard for him to claim he couldn't afford to pay.)
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Good grief! - 1/28/2009 7:52:33 PM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10791
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I'm glad y'all mentioned saving the note because I had reread it and tossed it in the trash. I'll go get it out and put it with other important papers.
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Good grief! - 1/28/2009 8:14:23 PM
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PinkCarnations
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Actually it got taken out before I threw the note in there.
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RE: Good grief! - 1/31/2009 1:46:45 PM
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Abbreviated
Posts: 1253
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From: Kansas
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It might be time to file formally for separation.
How does his commute work while living in Indiana & working at O'Hare in Illinois ?
Why does he pay for porn when one can go to Victoria Secret online for free ?
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RE: Good grief! - 2/1/2009 6:45:21 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1736
Joined: 5/23/2006
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Roberta
I have went back and read almost all the posts in this thread and I just can't believe you are still talking to this guy period.
Has anyone told you yet everytime you communicate with him about anything except your daughter you are enabling him to continue the abuse?
This man is abusing you in ways you cannot see because you are attached to him emotionally, but an outsider just reading this can see it ten thousand miles away!!
I STRONGLY recommend you stop this dangerous game he is playing and get a restraining order against this man....allow the courts to order visitation with your daughter if need be (based on what I have read here I would suggest you request supervised visitation) and slam the door shut on this user and abuser.
NO person has a right to treat you like he is doing. The absolute worst part is your daughter is seeing this and thinking that is what is ok for her husband to do to her someday.
That reason alone should be enough to make you RUN.
You KNOW if you play with fire you will get burnt- it's just a matter of when and how severely. This man is playing a dangerous game with you. I can't stress that enough. End it now .
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RE: Good grief! - 2/1/2009 7:23:40 PM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10791
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Abbreviated
How does his commute work while living in Indiana & working at O'Hare in Illinois ?
It's only a 3-4 hour drive, or he can fly it for free.
quote:
Why does he pay for porn when one can go to Victoria Secret online for free ?
Why did he pay for porn when he had a wife willing to do as he wished?
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RE: Good grief! - 2/2/2009 12:15:37 AM
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magdaleine
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Even the best wife isn't as "good" as his imagination can make the harem he finds online at the touch of the mouse.
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:'( - 2/2/2009 2:08:21 PM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10791
Status: offline
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He called dd last night and she was pretty upset after he called. When he called a few minutes ago I took the call so I could get an idea of what she was so upset about. He told her that he isn't pitching in for her prom dress or driver's ed and that if I can't foot the bill for her much needed glasses, then she's out of luck. I am so furious that he would tell her that!
I think I've got the prom dress covered for free. Driver's ed covered or glasses covered. She can't do driver's ed without the glasses, she won't pass the eye exam.
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