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bolt. -> RE: :'( (2/2/2009 9:45:52 PM)
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You might tell your daughter that you are so sorry that her father is doing this to her. Every child deserves two good parents, and she's only got the one. And one can't always do the job of two.
She needs the straight goods:
(1) Given the situation, drivers ed will not be happening this year. It may not happen any year -- besides which, if she got her lisence, you could not afford to insure her as a driver, so she couldn't be driving anyways. In fact, depending on how your budgeting goes, you might not even be driving much yourself. There there might be some options, and you are open to her ideas.
(2) You will be buying her glasses. They are a medical necessity, and can not be regarded as if they were optional. She should be prepared to choose low end cheap frames -- because there won't be a lot of stylish ones within your price range. Hopefully you can find some that at least suit her face shape.
(3) In addition, you have chosen firmly that you will protect her from the harassment and abusive words of her father. You will no longer allow him to talk to her on the phone. This is non-negotiable. If she wishes to send him emails or letters, you will pre-read hers, and read his responses before deciding whether she can receive them.
This puts you in control and out of the place of guilt. You are placing yourself on the same side as your daughter, empathizing with her wishes and regrets -- wishing and regretting right alongside her. You are treating her like an adult that can handle the truth of a difficult situation and the challenge of a serious downgrade of standard of living. You are still the parent, but she's not a powerless little girl. Your up-front-ness enhances both your personal power and hers.
Oh, and be sure to journal about cutting off the phone contact and exactly why. In legal discussions, he might say "I'm not even allowed to talk to my little girl." and you need to be able to be clear about the substantial grounds on which you made that decision.
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