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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/9/2009 2:17:38 AM
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PinkCarnations
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
quote:
(1) He still hasn't gotten rid of the beard that I have found disgusting for the last 17 years.
(1) Have you told him that you would find him more attractive clean-shaven? Recently? Has he asked you what he can do to 'win you back'? Did you include this term? If so, that's fair. If not, it's a touch nit-picky to be concerned about facial hair as kind of a 'gesture' towards your taste, when there are so many substantive things wrong with his behaviour.
He knows how I feel about the beard. He even made a comment to some friends tonight about how much I detest it. Perhaps I am being too nit-picky. My family thinks it's wonderful that he came all this way to get his wife back. They might be right. I don't know if I care anymore. I just feel numbness.
_____________________________
Tact is the knack of winning a point
without making an enemy.
Our Daily Bread, August 11, 2008
Roberta
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/9/2009 10:46:59 AM
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hnt
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Please stand strong, and know that people are praying for you! 
Numbest isn't the reason to go back with him. God would wish you to go back to him for the right reasons. I don't know how long he plans to stay, but remember it could be a short battle for you. Exhausting battle? FOR SURE, but I pray that his visit is short.
I see alot of talk about communication within marriage, and I do agree that is a very important portion! I'm not mininizing that. Let me generalize for a moment. What do they get when they communicate? I would assume the goal is some type of resolution correct? Sometimes we agree to go one way or the other, and sometimes we bend our ideas...and sometimes it goes in a whole different direction. Sometimes both are strong with what has been decided, and other times people go into it for other reasons. The goal you see - no matter which way it went - is for the couple to come together and reach a resolution. They are both on the same page, and they work together for that goal.
The resolution is missing in your equation. Heck communication hasn't even started to be honest! WHERE it may be nice that he has shown up, and it may look like a pretty little picture - there has been no preparation, no communication, and no talk of resolution. No goals and no commitments made from deep in their hearts and souls. No trust mended, and no honor and love in the true sense being offered.
They need to truly look at what is on the table here! I think you know but feel pulled and tugged from all directions. You may be numb because you are overwhelmed with all the messages of people just wanting to place a happy ending on things. They don't have to worry about you anymore. Family complete. The end.
That's fantasy, and where it would be NICE for it to turn out that way - the story hasn't even started. Has he even started to repent over his sins towards his family? Doesn't sound like it. That isn't going to be easy for someone like him I'm sure. If he wants his family back - being humble about that portion is an awesome place to start. It could break the ice.
I think tough love at times is the best thing people can offer those that are so broken yet feel entitled to what they want. He knew he couldn't get it the way he would need to go about it, so he tries a different path. One with less effort, and nothing taken from him.
I know you have been struggling in alot of areas. I think God at times placing us on that path to change us into someone that he will use later. Goodness knows he changed this naive 20 something girl into someone I never dreamed possible. lol I'm still a work in progress, but as I look back it was painful but it was for my own good as well. I see things now I never could see before.
Hold strong and do what God leads you to do. He does open doors when you think all of them are shut. He reveals paths when you see no path in sight. He makes us stronger than we realized when we look at what we have endured so far. He protects us even when we feel to wounded to get up.
I'm praying for you all.
_____________________________
h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/9/2009 2:30:24 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4815
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I agree with both Manda and hnt. The pressure you're under right now is incredible. If you can manage to not cave in to him, it might actually send him the message he needs to hear. If you DO cave, then you've told him he can continue in the way he always has and I don't believe you want that for one minute. {{{{{{{{{{{{{Roberta}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm continuing to pray for you.
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Maggie
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Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/9/2009 5:36:17 PM
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PinkCarnations
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Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I'm feeling a little better today. Then again, I haven't had to deal with him today. He will be arriving shortly though. He's just going to pick up our dd, so he'll only be around for as long as it takes her to get ready.
_____________________________
Tact is the knack of winning a point
without making an enemy.
Our Daily Bread, August 11, 2008
Roberta
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/9/2009 5:53:43 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6981
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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Roberta I'm wondering if your husband is a lot like your family members and that's why they are on the same page as him. This could explain a lot, if it's true. What do you think about that idea?
On another note: Have you found a new job?
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/10/2009 2:59:43 AM
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PinkCarnations
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
Roberta I'm wondering if your husband is a lot like your family members and that's why they are on the same page as him. This could explain a lot, if it's true. What do you think about that idea?
Actually, he and my sister are a lot alike.
quote:
On another note: Have you found a new job?
No. My dr. doesn't want me to search again until after I see her at the end of the month.
_____________________________
Tact is the knack of winning a point
without making an enemy.
Our Daily Bread, August 11, 2008
Roberta
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/11/2009 3:45:37 AM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10738
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We went out for supper tonight. He asked me to move back to Indiana with him. I said no. He then started listed all of my flaws and told me that I was going to have a hard time living without a man like him. 
_____________________________
Tact is the knack of winning a point
without making an enemy.
Our Daily Bread, August 11, 2008
Roberta
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/11/2009 4:37:55 AM
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manda59
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(((Roberta)))
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"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/11/2009 2:02:21 PM
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delete123
Posts: 592
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Roberta_
He then started listed all of my flaws and told me that I was going to have a hard time living without a man like him.
Boy Roberta~ my heart goes out to you. I would not have been so nice. I would have given him my compact mirror to look in and remind him that I have been doing just fine since he's been gone! 
His attitude certainly shows he has not changed and for that I am sorry. His visit certainly proves this along with his actions or lack there of.
((((Hugs to you))))
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/11/2009 7:55:37 PM
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Kath
Posts: 17240
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Oh Roberta. I hope you didn't listen to him.
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/11/2009 9:59:02 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 6981
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kath
Oh Roberta. I hope you didn't listen to him.
My sentiments exactly.
How awful, but I bet you would be able to say, "How like him." He obviously doesn't think he is the problem at all. If we don't face our sins, we cannot repent of them.
Honey, I am so sorry. I hope you rejected that. If not, please take a moment and:
Give it to Jesus
Reject it
Ask the Lord to fill you with His truth
The Lord wants to heal you, Roberta. I am asking Him to lead you to the way to healing. He knows the path. I will continue to pray that for you.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 12:13:34 AM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10738
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Well he hasn't completely given up. He came over today for the birthday party. He brought me two dozen long stemmed roses and my kids brought me a big bunch of carnations. He was upset that I was thrilled with the carnations and simply muttered "Thank you" for the roses. He didn't understand why I wasn't thrilled with the roses. You'd think that after being together for 18 years he'd have remembered:
1- Carnations are my favorite flower.
2- (I am probably the only woman in America who feels this way) I.HATE.ROSES!
_____________________________
Tact is the knack of winning a point
without making an enemy.
Our Daily Bread, August 11, 2008
Roberta
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 12:18:34 AM
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cynthia
Posts: 6981
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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He simply doesn't get it, Roberta. He is foolish. Pray against foolishness and pride in your husband. Ask the Lord to fill him with truth and humility.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 12:40:17 AM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4815
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"Foolish" is a very kind word to describe a person like that. {{{{{{{{Roberta}}}}}}}}} Keep going to God for your strength. You can get through this if you do.
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Maggie
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Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 12:41:35 AM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10738
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Thanks. I just need prayers that I can stand firm for the next few days. He leaves Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on when he can get a standby flight.
_____________________________
Tact is the knack of winning a point
without making an enemy.
Our Daily Bread, August 11, 2008
Roberta
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 10:13:22 AM
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laura...
Posts: 3395
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From: NE Ohio
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quote:
1- Carnations are my favorite flower.
2- (I am probably the only woman in America who feels this way) I.HATE.ROSES!
I love carnations. I really like roses. I use to prefer getting carnations. Now I love getting any flowers as long as they aren't lilies or lilacs...both of those give me instant headaches.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 1:43:52 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8008
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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My favorite flower is hyacinths. Unfortunately they are so fragrant they do bother my sinuses a little but...but they are worth it.
They became my favorite when I had my tonsils out over Easter vacation in K and my dad brought me a hyacinth plant.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 1:44:23 PM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10738
Status: offline
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quote:
quote:
1- Carnations are my favorite flower.
2- (I am probably the only woman in America who feels this way) I.HATE.ROSES!
I love carnations. I really like roses. I use to prefer getting carnations. Now I love getting any flowers as long as they aren't lilies or lilacs...both of those give me instant headaches.
Me too with the lilacs. They are georgeous on the trees, but don't make me be near them. Instant headache and clogged sinuses.
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
Ask the Lord to fill him with truth and humility.
Instead of what he is full of at the moment!!
Oh nice, now I have to clean the oj off my moniter! (You know that stuff burns the second time around!)
_____________________________
Tact is the knack of winning a point
without making an enemy.
Our Daily Bread, August 11, 2008
Roberta
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 1:46:39 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8008
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From: land of limbo
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I agree I had to laugh at that one too.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 4:16:48 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 1794
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((((((((((Roberta))))))))))
I'm so sorry...but like the others have said, you can now see his true motives...
I was wondering, incedentally, why you keep going on 'dates' with him? Why have you not told him and your family that you'll not be seeing him because he's not respected your boundary of nearly 3000 miles?
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
Capitalism is the Marxist term for Christian Society. -David Chilton
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