|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 5:35:50 PM
|
|
|
PinkCarnations
Posts: 10793
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
I was wondering, incedentally, why you keep going on 'dates' with him? Why have you not told him and your family that you'll not be seeing him because he's not respected your boundary of nearly 3000 miles?
I've been wondering the same thing.
_____________________________
Thank you Veterans.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 5:47:03 PM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 3281
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
He flies 3000 miles to "win you back" by surprising you. Whereupon, he hasn't bothered to shave off an offensive beard, makes you leave the tip, honks the horn at you impatiently, lists all your flaws and gives you flowers that you hate for your birthday. His lack of basic wooing skills is staggering.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 5:54:20 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 6999
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
|
Wow, Laura, that sure puts it clear as anyone could. What a good post.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 6:20:53 PM
|
|
|
myka
Posts: 976
Status: offline
|
quote:
His lack of basic wooing skills is staggering.
I was thinking that, too.  I'm praying for you, Roberta.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 8:49:10 PM
|
|
|
PinkCarnations
Posts: 10793
Status: offline
|
Today is his last day. He wanted to spend the day with dd and I both. I felt that it was best that he just spend the time with her. We got into an argument about it and he stormed out of here, leaving dd and I in tears. I'll leave out the details of what he said because some of it would violate TOS. He did come back about an hour later and apologized to her and now the two of them are out getting supper.
The hardest part of this is that I've had to spend much of the time bottling this up because dd is so happy to see him. I want her to be happy to see her dad.
_____________________________
Thank you Veterans.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 9:48:49 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 6999
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
|
{{Roberta}} Pour out your heart to the Lord.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 10:55:42 PM
|
|
|
magdaleine
Posts: 4853
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
Hopefully she'll have seen his true nature from the way he left both you AND her in tears. A loving father/husband doesn't do that.
_____________________________
Maggie
Civility Pledge
Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/12/2009 11:05:01 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 6999
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: magdaleine
A loving father/husband doesn't do that.
True, but if you don't know any different, you think that's normal.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 12:37:55 PM
|
|
|
clag4christ
Posts: 1836
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
Status: offline
|
quote:
A loving father/husband doesn't do that.
Indeed...
Roberta...I've been thinking about you this morning. I think that you should (if you don't already have it) memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
And everytime your husband has any contact with either you or your daughter fill in his name for Love and see if he fits the bill. Because from what you've shared here, he doesn't. Then ask yourself if this person, who claims Christ is not showing you this basic fruit, is he really what he claims to be. And is this really what the Lord has for you? Would the Lord want you to reconcile with an unrepentant, unbelieving spouse that is only going to abuse you further? Does He want that for your daughter?
Also...I've been thinking of your last 'date' with him where he got upset with you and started listing all your faults...now...let me ask you this...if you had a friend whom you went out to lunch with and he/she did this, what would you do? Would you sit there and take it? Or would you rather see that person's sinful actions against you for what they are? Sin, plain and simple. You would not sit there and take it...you'd be tempted to throw your coke in their face, pay for your half of the bill and leave, right? If that's so, why do you take this insanity from your husband? If a friend/acquaintence/stranger did these things to you you'd stand up for yourself. Not to mention if some person just 'went off' on your daughter what would you do? Would you stand for it?
To me, it's time you seriously started learning about how to set some strong and unflinching personal and emotional boundaries in your life. Not just for yourself, but also for your sweet baby. Do you want her to end up with someone like her father? Of course not. But if you don't show her how to stand up for herself and not think it's normal to be berrated and made fun of and injured then she's going to follow your footsteps...something that no mother wants for her child in that regard. Do it for you, and do it for her.
((((((((((Roberta))))))))))
Blessings,
Kim
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
Capitalism is the Marxist term for Christian Society. -David Chilton
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 2:03:38 PM
|
|
|
PinkCarnations
Posts: 10793
Status: offline
|
He's gone. I have been questioning whether or not I made the right decision for dd. I'm trying to set things up so that dd and I can get away next month.
_____________________________
Thank you Veterans.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 2:32:42 PM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 3281
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
quote:
He totally didn't mention anything about it also being our dd's birthday..... and it's a big one for her....
quote:
Today is his last day. He wanted to spend the day with dd and I both. I felt that it was best that he just spend the time with her. We got into an argument about it and he stormed out of here, leaving dd and I in tears. I'll leave out the details of what he said because some of it would violate TOS.
quote:
He's gone. I have been questioning whether or not I made the right decision for dd.
No question about it. You have definitely made the right decision for your dd.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 2:38:12 PM
|
|
|
PinkCarnations
Posts: 10793
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: Roberta_
I have been questioning whether or not I made the right decision for dd.
Of course you did.
Next question? 
How do I get her to not be furious with me?
I did tell her that we wouldn't be moving back to Indiana even if we did get back together. We'd be staying here in CA.
_____________________________
Thank you Veterans.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 2:40:42 PM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 8176
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Roberta_
How do I get her to not be furious with me?
I did tell her that we wouldn't be moving back to Indiana even if we did get back together. We'd be staying here in CA.
What exactly is she furious about?
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 2:52:32 PM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 3281
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
quote:
How do I get her to not be furious with me?
Give her time and some space. When she's ready to hear you and she asks "why" just tell her that the issues that drove you to leave him and move to California have not been resolved.
If I'm remembering correctly, her biggest reason for wanting to go back is her friends and not to be with her father. If she has a particularly close friend, perhaps you could make plans for her friend to come to California for a visit on Spring Break or this summer.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 3:00:08 PM
|
|
|
PinkCarnations
Posts: 10793
Status: offline
|
I may do that unless her dad wants her to fly out there.
_____________________________
Thank you Veterans.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 3:05:05 PM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 3281
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
If all else fails...
You could let your daughter go to her father's for a week or two visit and let his behavior solve anger issues she has with you.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 3:05:22 PM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 8176
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
Better surely that they come to CA?
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/13/2009 3:10:51 PM
|
|
|
clag4christ
Posts: 1836
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
Status: offline
|
quote:
I may do that unless her dad wants her to fly out there.
My two cents...
My daughter, personally, wouldn't be allowed to go back to Indiana without me to supervise. Your husband really cannot be trusted to treat her properly and that could lead her into temptation in any number of ways, from staying with friends, breaking curfew, meeting up with boys for comfort...none of those are positives for a visit 'back home'.
If her best/favorite friend really wants to visit she should save up herself for a visit out to Sunny CA...or she could raise half and your daughter could get a part time job and pay for half as well.
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
Capitalism is the Marxist term for Christian Society. -David Chilton
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/16/2009 4:01:13 PM
|
|
|
clag4christ
Posts: 1836
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
Status: offline
|
How are you and your daughter doing?
_____________________________
<-----Jael as Tinkerbell - Halloween 2008
Capitalism is the Marxist term for Christian Society. -David Chilton
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/16/2009 5:06:46 PM
|
|
|
PinkCarnations
Posts: 10793
Status: offline
|
We're hanging in there. I had finally started to realize that I made the right decision by not going back and then a family member called me and started telling me that I needed to give him another chance today.
_____________________________
Thank you Veterans.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/16/2009 5:14:19 PM
|
|
|
hnt
Posts: 663
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Roberta_
We're hanging in there. I had finally started to realize that I made the right decision by not going back and then a family member called me and started telling me that I needed to give him another chance today.
At times that is easy to say when you aren't willing to take a look at the whole picture. Don't allow them to bring you down.
_____________________________
h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I just don't know..... - 1/16/2009 7:07:58 PM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 8176
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Roberta_
We're hanging in there. I had finally started to realize that I made the right decision by not going back and then a family member called me and started telling me that I needed to give him another chance today.
Has this family member ever lived your life and walked in your shoes?
Then choose not to receive what they say.
I hope you ended the phone call really quick after they interfered like that.
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
