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Signs of Availability - 4/13/2009 9:47:51 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1861
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How do you know that a woman is "available" or is interested, in general in being in a relationship? I'm a single woman in her 30s - have never been married. I'm pretty content most of the time with being single - I don't let being single stop me from doing all sorts of things. So I travel, go out, do a lot of things on my own - am pretty independent. In the past, I spent a lot of time in my life focused on God and healing from issues in the past. Now I'm healthy, basically content, and am joyful on most days. But, after seeking the Lord and praying about it, I feel that I will be married one day.
My closest friends know that I want to be married, but most others perceive me differently. I generally don't bring up men in conversation or talk a whole lot about wanting to be married or about dating with people I'm not close to. People usually assume either than I'm too young to think a lot about being married (I look about 10 years younger than I am - at least that is what I'm told often), or that I'm already married or that I'm in a relationship already. I don't flirt a lot and I don't wear a lot of sexy clothes. I wear makeup sometimes as well as feminine clothes often - but I don't get dressed up a lot. I'm pretty goal and mission oriented, so when I go out, I tend to think about my purpose for being there rather than meeting new people. So if I go to the bookstore - I'm really looking for a book - if I go to the grocery store - I really am trying to figure out which mango to buy.
Anyway, I wanted to reevaluate the signals that I'm giving out. How do you know when a woman is available? Is it her eye contact, her clothes, her hair, her friendliness, or something else? I can usually tell when women and men are available - but I tend to notice things that most people don't, but overlook giant things that most people do notice. Appreciate any insight you can give me. Thanks!!!
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The Way Out Is In
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RE: Signs of Availability - 4/13/2009 10:13:36 AM
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brianm73
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The phrase actions speak louder then words; is very true when trying to determine if a women is available.
What she wears while grocery shopping. How she acts if eye contact is made. An the way she comes across, if a conversasion is going.
If you truely are looking for someone, then dont be afraid to tell your friends.
All this is stuff I am relearning!!!! LOL.
I am in my mid-thirties and after being married for 16 years. Entering the dating scene again has been kind of fustrating and humorous!!!
You are doing the right thing though, putting it in God hands. When the time is right he will open your eyes for you to know.
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Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength, they will soar high on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
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RE: Signs of Availability - 4/13/2009 8:44:46 PM
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APZR
Posts: 1015
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
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Don't wear any kind of ring on your left hand ring finger. Some guys won't approach a gal if she has ANY rings on her left hand. Even if it's a plastic charm ring, it's hard to tell from first glance and will be considered off limits by worthy gentlemen.
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Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Signs of Availability - 4/14/2009 11:59:21 AM
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rayofson
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You know I almost posted the same thing yesterday when I read this thread. I'd even go a step further and say that wearing no rings whatsoever is even more of a sure bet. Because let's face it...guys are clueless and they have no idea whether or not that other ring has any special meaning or not.
Not only does it eliminate any confusion about rings, the lack of rings definitely points out more emphatically at a glance that there's no ring. It catches the eye.
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RE: Signs of Availability - 4/14/2009 12:23:45 PM
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DaveW
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From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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quote:
Don't wear any kind of ring on your left hand ring finger. Some guys won't approach a gal if she has ANY rings on her left hand. quote:
I'd even go a step further and say that wearing no rings whatsoever is even more of a sure bet. Because let's face it...guys are clueless and they have no idea whether or not that other ring has any special meaning or not. The ring on the "ring" finger of the left hand is strictly cultural. Traditional Jewish women wear their wedding bands on the right index finger.
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RE: Signs of Availability - 4/14/2009 2:05:33 PM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 445
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Hello rgod
I've usually found that the silent unspoken things suggest a lot about a person. Things like general attitude, body language, those unguarded words that people drop after they've said what they planned to say, etc.
It sounds like you've become mature and settled and really don't need anyone. It's that freedom that can allow you to be yourself. That leads me to the biggest turn off I can think of; a woman who needs me, tries to dig her nails into me so I won't get away (mentally that is)
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RE: Signs of Availability - 4/14/2009 9:34:22 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1861
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Thanks everyone for your responses!
DaveW, RayofSon, and APZR - Thanks for the advice about the ring. Interestingly, I don't wear any rings at all (which is why I don't understand why anyone would think I'm married) - but then again, these days not everyone wears a ring. You've made good points.
Brian - I do agree that a lot of it is in presentation. The other day, I went to the store and wore something that was a little more figure flattering that normal. I did notice that more men spoke to me than normal. Some tried to make eye contact, open doors, etc. However, while I noticed all of this, I was pretty focused on my mission, which was to price printers, see if peppers were on sale, and to not get stuck in some long line. Now that I'm thinking back on it, I think that my goal-oriented mindset might cause people to think that I'm not interested, you know?
Jn1010lf - I think that body language is another part of what I'm struggling with. There is something in my demeanor and body language - and probably in what I talk about, that suggests that I'm not interested in getting married. Yet, no one ever thinks I'm gay. They know I like men. However, they always think I'm not interested (or already involved). Strange! Also, usually Christian men train their eyes to not look at a woman lustfully. We don't talk about that in context with women very often, but I think that over time, I've also trained myself in this way too for men. I can be completely attracted to a man, but not show it at all. And, there is this intangible thing that comes out of a woman that can draw men - I don't know how to turn it on - although every so often it comes on accidentally. However, I'm very good at turning it off. I never want to invite the wrong kind of attention or cause someone to stumble. But, I'm seeing now that I need to find some sort of middle ground here.
I think you've also got a point concerning maturing and settling. I can survive and have a decent life without a husband. I don't say that as a point of pride or in any kind of mean-spirited way - I just had to learn how to do it - in my life I've had to learn to do a lot of things without support of other people. That's ok because I've learned how to trust God to meet my needs. I think because of that, I'm not looking for what a man can do for me. There is a give and take that is part of relationships, but that isn't my primary goal. I do though, in a sense, need a husband for other things - God provides - but there are intimacies (and I'm talking about intimacy in its broadest sense - particularly emotionally) that a mate can fulfill - along with my desire to give as well. I don't let that side of me show very often - I'm not so transparent in that area - so perhaps people think I don't struggle in that area and conclude I'm not interested.
Anyway - thanks to all of you for taking the time to answer this question. Its making me think through these issues!
rgod
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The Way Out Is In
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