Sound of Creation (Full Version)

All Forums >> [General] >> Writers Roundtable



Message

slushie -> Sound of Creation (6/20/2009 10:09:58 PM)

From my blog here:

Notes spread over the paper
White sheets filled with black.
Scribblings
Trying to match the sounds in your head
To the marks on the page.
You can hear it all around you
On this bleak, day of shadow.
The sounds are filling your head,
Trying to escape
Yet trying to stay true to the original
muse.
Are you an artist? or a madman?
At times you cannot tell the difference
Which is what and what is which?
You can only do what you must
Create.
Crumpled paper
Discarded in black and white balls
Littered all over the desk
One, thrown in a fit of
frustration
Comes to rest near the window panes
Looking out onto a world of greyness.
Ask yourself, is this the best I can do?
For now, it is.

——————-

You try to come as close as you can
Yet the words still fall short of the true beauty of
The rain.



RustyCarr -> RE: Sound of Creation (6/27/2009 7:20:00 PM)

Hi slushie, I didn't notice you had a post in here. It is peotry, and I am not much of a connesuer of poetry. I read things a little too literally. I really like that last part, though:
quote:

You try to come as close as you can
Yet the words still fall short of the true beauty of
The rain.


I see you have a love of nature and natural beauty. I do, too. I often find much peace out there.

The rest of your poem seems to convey that your are looking for understanding, but running into some frustration. You know, when we are out in nature things seem so perfect, so in tune with the Creator. Well, they are in tune with the Creator. It is man who is not. Man doesn't know the beauty of love. Man disregards the laws and statutes that the Author of love wrote.

But God has recorded the beauty of love and His own love for us in the Bible. It is the Truth preserved for wayward mankind. Mankind, if he would obey those laws and statutes would work in harmony, in a beauty as powerful as the beauty of nature, without frustration and grayness....

I don't want to preach, but I would advise you to read the Word of God with a keen eye toward love and God's definition of it. You might find that Adam loved Eve, completely and correctly. But when they sinned their offspring gradually forgot about love and its laws and statutes. Now we live in a chaotic society where everyone makes up their own definition of love, or flails around helplessy looking for true love.

Jn 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Its right there in the Bible... If only we all knew it.

Blessings,
Rusty



slushie -> RE: Sound of Creation (6/27/2009 8:43:20 PM)

Thanks a lot! I didn't even remember that I put this out here. I wrote it to express my frustration at myself being unable to put God's beauty into words. It's something that I want to express as appreciation of the beauty He has placed around me, but as human I am inadequate.

I think it's like what you said, we are perhaps out of tune with the Creator. Well said.



Mark0 -> RE: Sound of Creation (7/26/2009 8:15:12 PM)

I like your poem Slushie. The meaning is deep and very thought provoking. Thanks,

Mark



Elena1030 -> RE: Sound of Creation (7/27/2009 1:38:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slushie

Thanks a lot! I didn't even remember that I put this out here. I wrote it to express my frustration at myself being unable to put God's beauty into words. It's something that I want to express as appreciation of the beauty He has placed around me, but as human I am inadequate.


Slush,

That's what I understood your poem to be about.

I think you achieved your objective. You expressed well what you were trying to convey. Your use of sentence fragments and short lines is an excellent tool in showing your frustration. And even your line breaks visually represent that falling short.

My favorite lines are these:

You try to come as close as you can
Yet the words still fall short of the true beauty of
The rain.

The juxtaposition of (1) the line break and (2) the unexpected mention of something that isn't always seen as beautiful, the rain, ties up the "thesis" of the poem and brings it to a nice resting place.


Might need some tweaking of punctuation, but other than that....

[sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif]


~ Elena [sm=comp02.gif] ~



Page: [1]



Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition 2.5 ANSI