New here and looking for feedback on my writings. Mostly Devotionals. Thanks!
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New here and looking for feedback on my writings. Mostl... - 6/24/2009 9:35:56 AM
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afmwmichelle
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Because
I have been asked many, many questions by my children. Today’s question was, (first thing in the morning- not even any warm up time allowed!) “Mommy, where is Big Ben?” I spontaneously replied “London England.” I felt so proud of my accuracy and spontaneity. I wanted to take a victory jog around the breakfast bar, in my robe and slippers, with my arms up in the air singing “we are the champions” (by Queen)! The reason I was so proud was because I am the very same woman who had to call the “homework helpline” to find out whose face is printed on a dime because my internet was down and I hadn’t a clue! Imagine, it was only second grade homework. This one of the reasons I admire anyone who home-schools! They most likely know all of these kinds of facts well up into the middle school curriculum. Thank goodness for Google is all I can say!
Sometimes the questions are easy. Sometimes the questions are hard. Easy questions like those above are most common and don’t require much thought or explanation. Hard questions are deeper and many times involve spiritual beliefs and convictions. Some of the more recent “hard” questions to me have been; “Why did so & so have to die that way?” “Why do we have to get sick?” and “Does God ever change His mind?” I am forced into the scriptures and into prayerful thought.
When I was young, my mom used to frequently answer “Because, I’m your mother, that’s why!” I know you have probably said it once or twice or have been on the receiving end of that answer yourself. I have even vowed never to say “just because” (one should never vow like that) and said it anyway in a moment of frustration. Because, doesn’t always satisfy those deeply meaningful queries of the Christian soul.
Because should be followed by prayerful pondering of the Word of God. Some answers to those hard questions may be; because God is sovereign and holy as in 1 Samuel 2:2 “There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God. Because God knows what is best for us as in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. And one of my favorites, because this not heaven… Revelations 21:1-5 “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband… “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” Bring your questions to Jesus…because He loves you.
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 10:14:22 AM
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slushie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: afmwmichelle
Because
I have been asked many, many questions by my children. Today’s question was, (first thing in the morning- not even any warm up time allowed!) “Mommy, where is Big Ben?” I spontaneously replied “London England.” I felt so proud of my accuracy and spontaneity. I wanted to take a victory jog around the breakfast bar, in my robe and slippers, with my arms up in the air singing “we are the champions” (by Queen)! The reason I was so proud was because I am the very same woman who had to call the “homework helpline” to find out whose face is printed on a dime because my internet was down and I hadn’t a clue! Imagine, it was only second grade homework. This one of the reasons I admire anyone who home-schools! They most likely know all of these kinds of facts well up into the middle school curriculum. Thank goodness for Google is all I can say!
K, here is my crit:
Starting from the first paragraph, there should be a comma after London. London, England. Then the third from last sentence in the first paragraph: This IS one of the reasons...
Should Scriptures be capitalized?
Last sentence in third paragraph. Instead say "Because" doesn't always satisfy... [rest of sentence]. Because you're using talking about the word and not actually using it in a clause.
Same in the first of the last paragraph. also, don't put a semicolon after a verb.
Some answers to those hard questions may be; because God is sovereign and holy as in 1 Samuel 2:2 “There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.
Just take out the semicolon after the "may be."
I personally feel that it's better to put the last sentence in a separate paragraph for more emphasis. But that's up to you!
I think it's great. The subject matter is meaningful, funny, and Scriptural. In fact, the first paragraph made me laugh =D Keep writing!
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 10:58:46 AM
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afmwmichelle
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Wow- Thank you!!! It still amazes me that I can proof something 32 times - have my friends and their friends take a shot and still miss obvious errors! Still (and always I guess!) learning. So much apprciated. Michelle
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 11:24:18 AM
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slushie
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No problem! =D I'm still learning here and I miss the most obvious stuff.
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 3:04:15 PM
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Elena1030
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I'll add to what slushie remarked on and give you some extra grammar stuff for free!  Your text from the devotion is in blue.
The reason is ... because clauses are faulty. Because in that instance is unnecessary: it means "for the reason."
So... Just type something like this:
I was so proud because I am the very same woman who had to call the “homework helpline” to find out whose face is printed on a dime---my internet was down, and I hadn’t a clue!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When you refer to a letter, word, or phrase as a thing unto itself, italicize it. (Don't put it in quotation marks.)
The word worship means "to give honor, respect, and praise." We are to worship God alone.
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Yes, the words Scriptures and Bible should be capitalized, whereas the words biblical and scriptural are lowercased.
Similarly styled are the words God, Godlike, Godhead, and godly.
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The noun form is devotion. The adjective form is devotional.
I am giving the devotion before tonight's committee meeting.
My Utmost for His Highest is a popular book of devotions.
What devotional books do you recommend for teenagers who are new Christians?
What portion of Scripture was chosen for the devotional passage?
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Here is your last paragraph copyedited for spelling, grammar, punctuation, and formatting:
Because should be followed by prayerful pondering of the Word of God. Some answers to those hard questions may be these:
* because God is sovereign and holy, as in 1 Samuel 2:2: “There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God."
* because God knows what is best for us, as in Jeremiah 29:11: " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "
* because this not heaven---Revelations 21:1-5: “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. … 'Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.' And the one sitting on the throne said, 'Look, I am making everything new!' ”
Bring your questions to Jesus … because He loves you.
I use three hyphens (---) to indicate an em dash, which is the "long dash," as some call it. This dash indicates an expansion of a thought or an interruption. Sometimes it functions similarly to a colon.
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I also suggest you give a footnote at the bottom stating which version of the Bible you used.
In a devotional magazine, that information usually appears in the masthead. In a devotional book, it is printed on the back of the title page.
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I'll address content in another post..... later. 
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 3:21:33 PM
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slushie
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What Elena said was great. I actually didn't know about the italics... spent all my time using quotations. Whoops! I think she's right *blushes*
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 3:40:40 PM
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slushie
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I used to have a copy of the MLA handbook until it became outdated XP I only had it for a month.
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 4:39:10 PM
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afmwmichelle
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Thank you ,Thank you, Thank you Mary! I am so glad I joined this forum! Michelle
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 5:48:45 PM
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afmwmichelle
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OOPS! So sorry, and embarrassed. Thank you!
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 5:55:48 PM
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afmwmichelle
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Oh and BTW I love your blog! I just started one a bit ago to "test-drive" some of my writings. If you ever want to peak it is at www.afewminuteswithmichelle.com
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 10:49:28 PM
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slushie
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Blogs, IMO are a great way to showcase writing as well as to practice =) I have six. But they don't show up in my sig because I can't change my sig.
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RE: New here and looking for feedback on my writings. M... - 6/24/2009 10:57:06 PM
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Kath
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quote:
I wanted to take a victory jog around the breakfast bar, in my robe and slippers, with my arms up in the air singing “we are the champions” (by Queen)!
I'm not a grammar guru, but shouldn't there be a comma after the word singing?
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