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I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 8:27:25 AM
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jdtinker
Posts: 18
Joined: 9/10/2009
Status: offline
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I'm going through a hard time right now. I'm a 24 year old male, single, unemployed, and unhealthy. I'm sort of bi-racial (my dad's great grandmother was part of the Osage Nation) and I live in the south. Although the south is not what people think or make it out to be, it does have it's problems. I experienced a lot of physical and emotional pain at the hands of my schoolmates because I looked different. As a result, I have a hard time relating to or connecting with other people. I have friends and I have dated, but none of it has been the way it's supposed to be, the way it is with everyone else I see. I've never really trusted anyone I can't really let myself get close or be myself with anyone. There are a couple of people that I share things with, but even them I still feel tense around. I grew up learning that the world is a bad place and that most people are bad too, and my classmates growing up were so cruel they made me feel like I shouldn't exist. Even now I can't help but think that I'm always going to fail.
I've had many bad experiences and have done many bad things, especially since I graduated high school. One important thing that happened though was that I almost died one night driving under the influence. I wrecked my car and was severly injured, my life being saved by minutes. I laid there dying that night feeling no hope at all that I might live somehow. The ironic thing was that I wasn't even scared at the time, probably because I was so drunk. All I could think about was the things that I had done wrong. After that my priorities changed. I was raised in church but quit believing at a young age because all I could see was hypocrisy around me. It took a few years after the accident for me to turn to God. During that time, I was put on anti-depressants which made me an emotional robot, so I quit taking them which was a bad idea and because of that, to this day I don't function correctly. Nothing is as sharp as it used to be. My concentration is hard to focus, I have a hard time focusing visually, I forget what I'm saying way too often. It feels like being trapped in my own head in a way like the outside world is an illusion. I interact with the world, don't get me wrong, but my thoughts almost consume me now.
I'm constantly analyzing everything trying to make sense of myself, people, the world, even God; just trying to capture some idea, dream, or a train of thought that gives me some stability. The bible helps and I pray, but everything stays the same. I'm so afraid of everything and so critical of myself and I can't stop doing it. I constantly wonder if I'm living right and not in the way you would probably think. I see everything that I do wrong now, even in what I'm writing now. I can't even have sympathy for myself because all I see is someone so prideful that he can only see his own pain; even though I know that I see and care about others pain. I constantly try to put others needs above my own when I can. I've had a feeling like I should minister, but I don't really want to because I'm scared of my life being harder than it already is.
I have no insurance, no job, and no money. I can't get either no matter how hard I try, I applied for medicaid and was denied. My parents are helping me to the best of their ability and it kills me because there isn't really anything I can do in return. They don't even know what I'm dealing with right now because I don't want to worry them or put my burdens on them anymore than I already have. I have a problem with my stomach that has gone on for awhile now and I have no idea what it is; it might be an ulcer, but it could be cancer for all I know, all the same I have no money or insurance, so there is nothing that I can do about it.
On top of all this I'm so lonely. I don't go to church, I don't even know how to begin to find one and not sure I would like it if I did. I've realized from the bible and more so from my own experience that I can't date a girl that doesn't believe. I've been mistreated and seen so many of my friends be mistreated by women who are only out for their own personal gain, and to be honest it seems like that's how most girls that don't believe are. All the girls I know have told me that I'm more of a man than most guys they know, and most of them think I'm attractive, but it just never works because at the same time it doesn't seem like they want to be with someone who wants to always do what's right. On the other hand, even though I believe, I don't think I'm strong enough yet in the faith and mission for a Christian woman to consider me.
I've realized that I could die at any moment, but I'm not scared that it will be painful or that I might not exist anymore. I'm afraid of experiencing more bad things, but mostly of dying in negativity and darkness. There is so much that I want to do for God, for people, and for myself as well, but I just feel stuck like I'm waiting to die because I don't have the physical or mental strength and ability necessary. I'm so afraid that God is disgusted with me, that He'll give up on me, or that maybe He already has and it's already too late. I want God to be a concrete person in front of me so bad, so I can hear what He thinks of me and has in store for me from His own voice. I want Him so badly that I cry sometimes because even though I know and believe that He's there, I don't feel like He hears me. I know I shouldn't be concerned with myself, but I'm so deep in these problems that it's made me immobile and numb. I've heard that I should relax and let God do the work because I can't, but some say that God's already done His work through Jesus and that the rest is up to me. I don't want to let Him or myself down, but when I sit here and pray for assistance or a sign nothing happens and it's been this way for months now, I just don't want to waste time.
I need a change so bad. I want to feel on fire for God all the time, not just every now and then like I do now, and for Him to give me strength that I never knew I could have, so that I can do great things for people in His name. I want to attract the right kind of friends and the right woman, to raise a family rooted in faith and to have a positive impact in the midst of all this negativity. I just want more than anything to know that He's proud of who I am and the person I'm trying to be be even though I'm not perfect. I keep looking for the right answer in the bible and waiting for some kind of sign or realization from God that will allow me to relax and feel complete peace and joy, but I haven't. Thanks for listening and I'd appreciate any advice you can give me.
< Message edited by jdtinker -- 9/22/2009 8:37:43 AM >
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 8:34:34 AM
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mollypear
Posts: 265
Joined: 3/31/2009
From: Somewhere in the U.S.
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Okay, if I could i would give you the biggest hug! I'm bawling right now. I have to go now, but I just want you to know that you are not alone and God loves you and so do I, my brother. You will get through this.
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 8:44:30 AM
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jdtinker
Posts: 18
Joined: 9/10/2009
Status: offline
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That means a lot mollypear, being loved when it's unearned is a concept I think I have trouble with because for a long time others made me feel like I didn't deserve it. You saying that really took some of the weight off. I love you too, sister. God bless you.
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 9:12:40 AM
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manda59
Posts: 8733
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jdtinker
I have no insurance, no job, and no money. I can't get either no matter how hard I try, I applied for medicaid and was denied. My parents are helping me to the best of their ability and it kills me because there isn't really anything I can do in return. They don't even know what I'm dealing with right now because I don't want to worry them or put my burdens on them anymore than I already have. I have a problem with my stomach that has gone on for awhile now and I have no idea what it is; it might be an ulcer, but it could be cancer for all I know, all the same I have no money or insurance, so there is nothing that I can do about it.
I'm in the UK, so I don't have personal experience of things over there, but, from what I'm told, even people with no insurance can go to ER - have you tried?
quote:
On top of all this I'm so lonely. I don't go to church, I don't even know how to begin to find one and not sure I would like it if I did.
Well, you won't know till you try! You could try doing a search online to locate churches in your area.  If you find one, you could even possibly email the pastor first to introduce yourself and enquire about their services.
_____________________________
"I really, really like this. Five stars!", Sideways March 2010
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 9:16:18 AM
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manda59
Posts: 8733
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jdtinker
That means a lot mollypear, being loved when it's unearned is a concept I think I have trouble with because for a long time others made me feel like I didn't deserve it.
jd,
Just to say that, actually, no-one can make you feel anything without your permission. Sounds to me like, for too long, you've been giving other people power over you, and perhaps it's time to start finding out how to take it back.
_____________________________
"I really, really like this. Five stars!", Sideways March 2010
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 9:24:44 AM
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RustyCarr
Posts: 971
Joined: 3/11/2009
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Short, but sweet....
You MUST believe that the Father in heaven loves you and gave His only Son for your forgiveness and salvation. Let Him be the teacher now, while you remain innocent and good soil. Please realize that you are not equipped to be a minister, but that is a worthy goal.
The church is what it is and your eyes seem to be open to see it. There are few desciplers out there, therefore: Jn 6:45 It is written in the Prophets: ‘They will all be taught by God.’ Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me.
The Bible is the Truth about God's version of righteous love. A true Christian is very different from the unsaved because the True Christian LOVES THE FATHER AND EVERY WORD THAT COMES FROM THE FATHER. Thus, he is able to govern himself with love for others AND RIGHTEOUSNESS. There should be no hypocrisy.
Die to self and write the Word of God on your heart so that the Truth may guide you. The "self" leads us into error. It takes time, but get understanding as prescribed in proverbs.
I pray that you do find some friends who are seeking the Truth, too. Some home Bible study groups are very good places to go. There are lessons out there that are for new Christians and descipleship.
Love God first and He will teach you how to love family, friends, and neighbors. Do not be afraid when the Holy Spirit shows you that many of your loved ones need descipleship and salvation, too.
God be with you as you humble yourself to His leading and renewing your mind. Test everything you hear from men against scripture.
Rusty
_____________________________
It is better to obey God rather than men. The Truth, God's word, within is the lamp that guides our feet. -For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. Prov. 2:6-
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 9:27:09 AM
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Pidge
Posts: 47
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: UK
Status: offline
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Dear JD,
It's tough living in a country where you can't get the medical help you need.
The things you are anxious about are neither as big nor as real as they feel to you. I'm not belittling your feelings, far from it, I know the horrors of depression, what I am saying is that even the stomach trouble could be simply a by product of anxiety and depression. It is a pit that it is difficult to escape from and while there it is hard to see things clearly. The things that are bothering you are very common and they rob you of the joy of life.
I can tell from your letter that you are intelligent, caring and a perfectionist.You yearn to serve God but have yet to discover the way.
Start by shifting your focus away from yourself. I promise you that in years to come this miserable patch will seem like someone else's nightmare but the things you learn from it will enable you to be compassionate towards those stuck in a similar situation.
What now seems so terrible will prove to be God's training ground for you and you will look back and see how the 'valley of weeping' became 'a place of springs' (Psalm 84)
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 10:24:21 AM
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jdtinker
Posts: 18
Joined: 9/10/2009
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Thanks guys. As far as going to the ER is concerned, you can be treated without insurance, but if you can't pay the bill that you're left with after, they eventually will turn it over to a collections agency and it just becomes this huge can of worms you wished you had never opened. I actually dealt with this after the car accident I mentioned earlier. Although I had insurance at the time, the fact that I was under the influence at the time of the injury, it voided all coverage for that particular incident.
If I'm understanding correctly, you guys are saying that my problem is probably that I'm focusing too much on the problems instead of the solutions and looking at the whole thing backwards. Basically, that I'm trying to fix the problems so I can find peace in God, but what I need to do is find peace in God so He can fix my problems.
How do you die to self though? What does dying to self really mean, more precisely what happens to you?
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 11:04:58 AM
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Robin-again
Posts: 303
Joined: 8/2/2009
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Hang in there my new friend. I need to go to work and I will write you after I get home tonight.
Have you read the book of John?
I've started and I heard it is a great book to learn about Jesus and God.
I just became saved again and Baptized 2 days ago.
I say this cause I'm not knowledgeable with what's in the Bible.
I do know that if you do what Pleases God, it will help you in all areas of your life.
Yes, there are a lot of people that wants to get you near the Devil (the Devil included) but stay true to the Lord.
Jesus is with you ALWAYS!! You are NEVER alone. only by choice will you feel alone.
He is probably carrying you now from the say you described yourself.
Please keep coming here and get the strength you need to grow closer toward Him.
The storm will soon be over and the rainbow will then appear.
love ya
(((HUGs)))
_____________________________
Things happens in God's time...not in ours.
Some things are not meant for us to understand until we are face to face with God Himself.
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 11:14:55 AM
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RustyCarr
Posts: 971
Joined: 3/11/2009
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quote:
How do you die to self though? What does dying to self really mean, more precisely what happens to you?
I simply realized that I was made of dirt. Born totally ignorant of God's Truth. I learned some Truth and lots of errors growing up, and I used them for my own advantage, just like everyone else.
When I was broken in spirit, no self pride left, I realized that Truth has one source. The Word of God. I didn't invent it, and I wasn't born with it. At that point I was ready to learn from God. He gave me a change of heart to LOVE the Truth and do my best to DO THE TRUTH. He gave me eyes to see. I see many people like you who need the Truth, too. I see people who claim to have the Truth, while failing to pass it on to their offspring and protect their offspring.
I tested the Truth over many years, staying innocent with God's Word in front of my eyes. I am confident that I know the Truth, and I see that America's churches need an awakening.
Dying to self, simply means getting rid of self-centeredness while desiring to do the role that God has asked (commanded) that we do. It can be done, and doing it with other people on God's page brings blessings. I think we need more people on God's page.
Rusty
_____________________________
It is better to obey God rather than men. The Truth, God's word, within is the lamp that guides our feet. -For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. Prov. 2:6-
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 12:12:43 PM
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SavedByGraceMD
Posts: 1178
Joined: 2/13/2008
From: the poconos
Status: offline
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My young brother JD, welcome and thank you for sharing with us all that is on your heart.
First let me say the obvious......For God so loved the world.....wait a sec....For God so loved you jdtinker....that He gave His only begotten son.
Do you understand how personal that statement really is. I think if there was enough paper, enough ink, and enough binding to hold all of the names of every person that ever lived, John would have written every name instead of the word world. But due to time, and practicality, God saw in His great wisdom to shorten that down to 1 word, yet at the same time give us the hope and assurance that it was done for us, each one of us individually. His love knows no bounds brother, please don't you ever forget that.
Now you are going through so very much in your life....yet at the same time your words convey that you, through it all, still have a heart that wants to please God. That my friend....I am sure to the bone....has Almighty God smiling and rejoicing over you.
Can you picture that jd.....can you envision God smiling down....so wide....so bright....so lovingly at you right now. If not...let me tell you, He is beaming, ear to ear, and He loves you so much.
You wonder if God can ever be proud of you.
I ask you if God can ever be prouder of you.
JD, I think we all battle with fears of failure. Especially fears of failing God. We know what He did for us, and we don't want to let Him down. I think you need to understand that by seeking Him, by accepting Him, by loving Him....you have done what He has asked us to do first.
Jesus said to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. I think you are succeeding in that. Jesus said if you love me....obey my commands. You are doing that by loving God. Though you may not feel that you are at times, though you may feel that you fail Him at times, though you feel prideful and selfish at times, in your words, in your post, you have shown otherwise.
You are seeking after God. Seeking after His kingdom and His righteousness. That is the first step. Just remember to take it one step at a time.
This life is hard. This walk is hard. Trials will come and keep coming.....But rejoice, for He has overcome the world. And because He has, so can you. So will you....because you are His.
I have had my own eyes opened this past week in how I was living. I too felt like a failure. I too felt defeated. I too felt unsure of who I was and if this was really right for me. The conclusion I came too.....Jesus Christ is all that matters. Jesus Christ is my treasure. Like Paul, I count it all loss for the honor, the privilege, for the chance to know Him. Nothing this world has to offer compares to the King of Kings.
There is so much I could say right now to you. My heart aches as I read all that you are going through, but my soul rejoices because He is faithful, and He will never leave you alone. Do you believe that? Can you grasp that?
When you talk about your stomach problem, and you say you have no insurance and no money so there is nothing you can do about that....I am saying that is a lie. You can go to Almighty God.....you can go boldly before the throne of grace....you can call on the spotless precious name of Jesus and find comfort and peace. Jesus tells us in John
John 14:26-28 (New King James Version)
26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
No matter what happens in this life, He will be there. No matter what pain you suffer, no matter what heartache, no matter what trial or tribulation that comes your way....He will be there.
And in the end, when the smoke clears, and this life fades.....He will be there arms open wide, ready to sweep you up into the fold and love on you like you have never been loved before.
I will leave you with one of my favorite verses...you can also find it in my signature....Isaiah 41:10
Isaiah 41:10 (New King James Version)
10 Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
Read it, remember it, believe it. He is with you always and forever, even until the end of the age.
May His peace rain down on you like never before.
_____________________________
Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not for I am with you,
Do not be dismayed for I am your God,
I will strengthen you and help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"
http://followtheleader-mat1624.blogspot.com/
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 2:54:01 PM
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jdtinker
Posts: 18
Joined: 9/10/2009
Status: offline
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Thank you all so much. Your kind words and encouragement have really made a difference for me. I feel better now than I've felt in months. It feels good to know that I've found a place where I can get answers and support that I can believe in. It's hard to find people with real wisdom. I've tried to deal with this all for so long by myself I knew I had to find people who had God in their hearts. I love you and God bless you all. I'm going to try harder to let go and let God do His work. :)
< Message edited by jdtinker -- 9/22/2009 3:40:11 PM >
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/22/2009 4:56:25 PM
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SavedByGraceMD
Posts: 1178
Joined: 2/13/2008
From: the poconos
Status: offline
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jd, when you get a chance, listen to this song.
"Where Your Heart Belongs" by Mainstay
http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=db6e13b9ce3978a5500f
the lyrics
You lost yourself in finding out the wonders of the world will let you down
You gave yourself to those who never cared about your soul they only cared for their own
it seems everyone has left you
You’re not alone
I hear you call
And I‘ve been waiting here for you through it all
You’re not alone
Come to the cross
and let me show you where your heart belongs
You’ve been down the darkest roads and you know just how it feels to lose your hope
But don’t give up on everything when everyone has given up on you
and it feels like everyone has left you
I will never leave you
Come back to my open arms
To the only love you need
_____________________________
Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not for I am with you,
Do not be dismayed for I am your God,
I will strengthen you and help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"
http://followtheleader-mat1624.blogspot.com/
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/23/2009 8:33:38 AM
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mollypear
Posts: 265
Joined: 3/31/2009
From: Somewhere in the U.S.
Status: offline
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Hi, jd!
You know how Christians always talk about their low points and how they got out of them? You're in the low point right now, but it'll get better and later you'll look back with a smile and see what God did for you.
Cry out to Jesus. That's what I think is the first thing you should do if you feel down again.
Find a church. That's mandatory in the life of a Christian-surround yourself with good people who will strengthen your faith. It's how i stay rooted in mine.
Get back on your feet. I don't know how you're going to do this, but God does, so my main point here is you need to go to Him for help. He hears you, whether you think he does or not. Put everything on Him, because He cares for you. (that's a verse somewhere...)
As for the relationship part, first you gotta make some godly friends. Besides, you want a Christian woman, and before any relationship there must be a strong friendship, so start talking to people. Yes, you're gonna make lots of friends on this forum, but this is the net, and it goes worldwide. Your life should not be confined to people on a computer.
As far as that drunk-driving incident, all I have to say is I hope you're not drinking anymore.
Remember, too, that God won't give you more than you can handle. He's gonna test you, like he is right now, and you're gonna have to get through it, but the comfort in it is the fact that you can handle it. Lean on the everlasting arms.
I would write more, but I have to go now.
Love, Molly
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/23/2009 1:38:53 PM
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jdtinker
Posts: 18
Joined: 9/10/2009
Status: offline
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That's a beautiful song SavedByGraceMD. I'm going to be listening to this a lot, I can really relate to it. I believe that God will bring me out of this slump eventually, the hard part is waiting. You guys are right about me needing more godly people in my life, to be honest I think the lack of them is part of the difficulty that I'm having. I still socialize with the same people, which is something I believe I should do, after all the healthy don't need a doctor. Maybe it's putting too much on my shoulders and I need another side of my life where I can get some positive support and can socialize with people of like mind and grow in godly relationships and faith. I've gone as far as I can go in relationships with ungodly people and I'm not progressing anymore. Thanks guys, you've opened my eyes.
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/23/2009 2:11:37 PM
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mollypear
Posts: 265
Joined: 3/31/2009
From: Somewhere in the U.S.
Status: offline
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We're glad to help.
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/23/2009 2:22:15 PM
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ATtheCROSS923
Posts: 120
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline
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My Brother, You have no Idea how much Jesus loves you. He loves you more than you love yourself. None of us can really grasp how much God really loves us. He wants to bless us with a good life so much. He wants to fill us with his spirit and change our hearts to be more like the heart of Jesus.
The keys to have the favor of God on your life and experience the manifestation of Jesus' work in your life has to do with "Obedience".
John 14
14:21
Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."
14:22
Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?"
14:23
Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.
14:24
He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
14:25
"All this I have spoken while still with you.
14:26
But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Some other scripture from the mouth of our Lord that you need to really "Hear" Jesus speak to you:
Psalm 23
psalm 23 - Study This Chapter
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Do you realize how much a Shepherd loves his Sheep and how much trust and love the Sheep have for their Shepherd? Jesus loves you, Brother. He doesnt want to hurt you. He didnt come to earth for you to be miserable. He came to give you life and give it to you more abundantly. Satan is the one who is trying to Kill your thoughts, steal your peace and joy, and destroy your future.
John 15
15:2
He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
15:3
You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.
15:4
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
15:5
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
15:6
If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.
15:7
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.
15:8
This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
15:9
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.
15:10
If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.
15:11
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
15:12
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
15:14
You are my friends if you do what I command.
15:15
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.
15:17
This is my command: Love each other.
Meditate on this scripture my friend. Jesus spoke these words about the Vine and the Branch to each one of us individually. You as a branch can do nothing without the vine. The vine is your whole source of life. Everything you need for your existense comes through the hand of Jesus. We as Christians need to really take The vine and branch analogy to our heart and let it flourish.
Jesus Christ is everything you need. When you get depressed just meditate about your relationship as a branch to Jesus as the vine. Those are words from Jesus.
**********************************************
I am also unemployed right now. I have no insurance and I struggle every week. But I know that Jesus is changing my heart during my unemployment. I am seeking him every day. I am a completely new creation from a year ago. Thank you Jesus.
There are programs where you can get help for food or rent. We are recieving food stamps right now. Dont be ashamed that you need assistance from government(Its all Gods money anyway)...... and we have had to get help from my family for other bills. I apply for jobs all week long and I know when the job God has planned for me is ready for me, it will be here.
Trust the Creator, not the created.
Continue clothed in Jesus and He will straighten out your life.
I love you as a brother in Christ and I pray Jesus has his way with you.
God bless you.
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/23/2009 3:33:00 PM
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woosleycoon84
Posts: 184
Joined: 3/16/2009
Status: offline
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Im Sorry to hear all this , I'll lift you up in prayer. God Bless you
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/23/2009 6:57:59 PM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 442
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline
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Hello jdtinker
Let me express my sympathy for you. It seems that you got a bad start in life. However, god loves us with an unconditional love. He has the ability to melt the sore spots in our hearts and make us feel important. As Psalm 139 14 says, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
You really have a lot to gain from getting close to God. He was not the one that persecuted you so cruelly and unreasonable. So, turn to Him and let him have your life.
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/24/2009 6:48:30 AM
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jdtinker
Posts: 18
Joined: 9/10/2009
Status: offline
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You all have been a blessing. Your encouragement truly lifts my spirits and gives me strength. This is proof that when you need it God provides. It's unfortunate but comforting to know that I'm not the only one who is in a rough spot right now. You all are in my prayers and I'm going to try and find a church and continue to come here for support as well. There is a lot that I still don't completely understand about Christianity, so I'm sure to have many more questions to come. :)
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/24/2009 7:46:59 PM
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iamhis-heismine
Posts: 12
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
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My heart goes out to you and your difficult situation.
It would be easy to just say do all the Spiritual Disciplines!
But I'm sure you know that.
There is a book which puts many of the spiritual disciplines into an easy to understand organized model.
It is a huge help to any Christian - no matter how mature.
I'm on my 5th reading of it and I'm sure it would be a blessing to you during crisis times.
It is called "Thy Will Be Done On Earth" by Russell.
God bless you in your honesty and for reaching out for help.
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/26/2009 2:13:34 PM
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faithstruggler
Posts: 1
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline
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JD -
I want you to know that I struggle a lot with the same things you do. Especially the over-analyzing, over thinking. I too am self-critical and always looking for things to make sense. Which is really hard, because God's ways do not make sense to us (For My ways are not your ways). So it's hard to put things in their proper "box". I also understand the fear and feeling trapped in my head. I experience all of these things too.
One thing to consider, I don't know when you stopped taking your anti-depressant. I too took them last year, had a horrible reaction and stopped taking them. When you stop taking them, especially cold turkey or a fast taper, you experience awful side effects, which includes a lot of what you were talking about (living in your mind, poor concentration, vision problems and the stomach problems - which I have too). These effects can last as long at 2 years. I am still in the middle of it. So this can also be contributing to the difficulty you are having.
BUT, as much as I have struggled with this and wrestled with God on this and how much it can affect my feelings, God still has not failed me... even when I think that He has. I have had plenty of angry sessions at God and then apologies later because I know He is working it out in me. I have learned so much through this trial... I have learned to trust God (and that is hard for me too) despite my feelings. I have to remind myself of the truth often, even if I don't feel it, even if there is no "sign". God has taught me a lot about suffering. It's really hard not to focus on yourself throughout this because it is so uncomfortable, but it does help to even just pray for others. I also have to surrender my thoughts to God a lot during the day and decide I will not focus on those thoughts unless God wants me to.
Dying to self daily means that you let Him control of your life. I read recently that it is in our nature to try and act independenlty of God and that we need to give that up DAILY to God. Let Him run your life. Tell Him when you wake up that even if you feel bad, that He still use you and that it's in his control. Not always an easy task my friend! If it were up to me, I would have God heal me right now and make everything right. But then I would never learn anything, especially anything about Him. It's too easy to take the reins when things are going easy. And like you, when I take the reins I have made so many painful mistakes. I really just want God to lead me from now on to keep me from ruining myself and those I love!
It can be hard. I am struggling with this today as I am writing to you. I woke up feeling awful and got upset because I want to feel good, but I had to remember that God knew how I was going to feel today, so it's up to Him to use me however He is going to use me, even if it is for me to learn something new about Him and about me.
I read a verse in John the other day where Jesus asks the soon-to-be disciples "Why are you following me?" and I thought that if He asked me that, and if I answered honestly, it would be so that He would heal me. Not so that I could be a disciple, but that He would heal me and make everything all better - the way I think they should be. That made me cry. I want to follow Jesus despite how I feel... and that is tough. It doesn't come naturally. I always have to ask the Holy Spirit to help me align my feelings up for Jesus, not me.
So I know that this is a long response but I want you to know that you are not alone and I do have some ideas about how you feel.
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RE: I Just Need Someone To Listen - 9/26/2009 6:05:22 PM
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SavedByGraceMD
Posts: 1178
Joined: 2/13/2008
From: the poconos
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: faithstruggler
If it were up to me, I would have God heal me right now and make everything right. But then I would never learn anything, especially anything about Him.
faith...hello and welcome to the forums. It is nice to have you hear.
What you said here is a very good point. Your whole post was good, but this here struck a cord with me.
Sometimes....most of the times....for us who live in the now, it is hard to see beyond this moment. We tend to forget that God sees the end. We want results now....we want healing now....we want what we want, and we want it now. Yet God may have a different plan.
It is in the hard times that faith....true faith....totally sold out, trust in God faith is built. It is in our weakness that His strength is revealed. It is in the trials that perseverance is built. It is in the tribulations that we truly see.
It is so easy to wake up and praise and worship the Lord when things are going great...and we should do that. But....when things get hard, and they tend to get so hard, that is when He knows who is for real. That is when He comes to show us that He is for real.
In 2 Chronicles 16
9 For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.
It is in the rough times that God can truly see what we are made of, and for whom we live. It is in the rough times that God wants to show us just how strong and amazing He really is.
So...anyway, good post. Sorry to blabber on here. Just wanted to share my thoughts on this.
_____________________________
Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not for I am with you,
Do not be dismayed for I am your God,
I will strengthen you and help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"
http://followtheleader-mat1624.blogspot.com/
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Looks as if you've gained the right understanding now put it to use! Seems like you think too much 
