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johnbegood -> checking out women (10/10/2009 8:38:02 PM)

Yes I'm a man

I want the help of women that's why I posted here I have a problem well I thinks it's a problem all though my Pastor says it's not he says that's the way men are wired and it's better than if I was checking out men and I shouldn't worry to much about it

Anyways my problem is that I can't stop looking at women I love to look at pretty woman sometimes I might even comment nothing dirty something like nice hair, I'm not trying to be a pig but I have to tell you that you look beautiful something like that....I'm not sure about this but I think women are ok with it because I'm an attractive male well people say above the normal attractive male I'm not trying to talk highly about my self I actually speak very negative about myself that's a whole different problem...I just want to know is what I'm doing wrong why is it that I can't stop I do try I say look away God doesn't like it, and for the most part it works give me some advice please



ta_mosquito -> RE: checking out women (10/10/2009 8:52:00 PM)

Moving from Women Only to She Says.


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herestoresmysoul -> RE: checking out women (10/10/2009 9:07:10 PM)

I think from you post that you arent married. if you were, your wife would almost certianly not want you to be always looking at attractive women and telling them how attractive they are or whatever it is. That would be very hurtful for her.
Most men are attracted to the way women look, but at the same time are not helpless to stop doing it, or at least not stare or make any comment. I guess a lot depends on who the woman is. If she is a girlfriend, it is appropriate to say nice things. if she is married or you dont really know her, then it isnt. She may get the worng impression if you keep complimentimng her. She may think you are wanting to go out with her or are flirting.
So my thoughts are that you cant help noticing an attractive woman, but you can control how long you look and what you say (or dont say). Also if you want to get married one day, you may as well start practising now to stop staring and keeping your mouth shut!!!
When you marry your wife should be your standard of beauty, and she wont usually appreciate you telling other women how attractive they are.



Mollymouser -> RE: checking out women (10/10/2009 9:13:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: herestoresmysoul

So my thoughts are that you cant help noticing an attractive woman, but you can control how long you look and what you say (or dont say). Also if you want to get married one day, you may as well start practising now to stop staring and keeping your mouth shut!!!


Agreed.



deermousie -> RE: checking out women (10/10/2009 9:16:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: johnbegood
why is it that I can't stop


John, I'm not sure if this was a statement you meant to say; I'll assume it is unless you say different.

The Bible says in Romans 6:14:

sin shall not be master over you

If there is any thing in a Christian's life that they can't control but rather it is in control of them, then something needs fixing. OK, so fix it. <shrug>

In your shoes, I'd find a good Christian, trained counselor and hammer this out with him. God means for you to be free, and died to pay the price. So you know it's God's will for you to be free, and He will help you.

All of us are born sinners, and God forgives us and teaches us step by step to become healthy because He is healthy. If you can't stop obsessing, a counselor is trained to help. Go find a good one and may God bless you!



loveydoveysmom -> RE: checking out women (10/10/2009 11:05:02 PM)

To me no big deal, I am single and I look at men all the time but not in a perverse way. Some men are well, just hot! However, if I were married my man would be the only hot guy ever!



car2ner -> RE: checking out women (10/11/2009 7:22:03 AM)

For many women this would be beyone annoying but not to all women. M'love and I were at a water park last week. If the idea that a pretty girl would catch his eye bothered me it would have ruined the day. There were just so many almost naked people there (and only a handful really looked good in their bathing suits) and if a look here and a look there was a huge problem then we would have had no fun at all. In fact, as we had lunch we chose a location specificially for people watching.

That being said, I have an internal timer in my head (no specific number...just a sixth sense) and if the stare goes past that time I give m'love a playful smack and his attention comes back to me.

Only you know what you are thinking about as you are people watching. Keep in mind that it may be very upsetting to your future wife. If a glimpse turns into a stare and a stare turns into a fantasy....knock it off.



herestoresmysoul -> RE: checking out women (10/11/2009 8:34:32 AM)

johnbegood. Maybe think about how you would feel if your girlfriend/wife was always staring at other men, and going up to them to tell them how good looking they are, or what lovely muscles that have or how you like their hairy chest or whatever.Would that make you feel hurt or would you be 100% happy about that?.



thechristianpastor -> RE: checking out women (10/23/2009 9:09:30 PM)

I say if you are not married then you may look at attractive women, but if you are married it is a sin, the bible goes so far as to say that it is adultry, so this is not a good idea. However, I would check out her ring finger before checking her out because her husband may not be amused and would you want some man checking out your wife. We women do care if you are our husband or significant other, future husband or boyfriend if you look at other women and God said that if you look at a woman in lust that it is the same as sinning with her when you are with someone.



herestoresmysoul -> RE: checking out women (10/24/2009 8:04:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thechristianpastor

I say if you are not married then you may look at attractive women, but if you are married it is a sin, the bible goes so far as to say that it is adultry, so this is not a good idea. However, I would check out her ring finger before checking her out because her husband may not be amused and would you want some man checking out your wife. We women do care if you are our husband or significant other, future husband or boyfriend if you look at other women and God said that if you look at a woman in lust that it is the same as sinning with her when you are with someone.

So why is it different if he is married or not? Its still lust even if he single, These women are not his to stare at or drool over,Thye are either already someone elses wife or they will be one day.he cant help noticing but he can help staring, and making remarks.



Anon101 -> RE: checking out women (10/29/2009 4:52:43 AM)

If you are just looking at a pretty girl, that is normal. It is when the looking becomes more than looking but lust and then daydreaming, etc.

Men are more visual than woman. That is how God made men. You are going to look at pretty women or women in general. It is normal.



bricole77 -> RE: checking out women (11/1/2009 11:17:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: johnbegood

Yes I'm a man

I want the help of women that's why I posted here I have a problem well I thinks it's a problem all though my Pastor says it's not he says that's the way men are wired and it's better than if I was checking out men and I shouldn't worry to much about it

Anyways my problem is that I can't stop looking at women I love to look at pretty woman sometimes I might even comment nothing dirty something like nice hair, I'm not trying to be a pig but I have to tell you that you look beautiful something like that....I'm not sure about this but I think women are ok with it because I'm an attractive male well people say above the normal attractive male I'm not trying to talk highly about my self I actually speak very negative about myself that's a whole different problem...I just want to know is what I'm doing wrong why is it that I can't stop I do try I say look away God doesn't like it, and for the most part it works give me some advice please


Who doesn't appreciate a great work of art? :) As long as your being respectful I don't think the artist minds....



BelleWeather -> RE: checking out women (11/1/2009 6:12:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: johnbegood

Yes I'm a man

I want the help of women that's why I posted here I have a problem well I thinks it's a problem all though my Pastor says it's not he says that's the way men are wired and it's better than if I was checking out men and I shouldn't worry to much about it

Anyways my problem is that I can't stop looking at women I love to look at pretty woman sometimes I might even comment nothing dirty something like nice hair, I'm not trying to be a pig but I have to tell you that you look beautiful something like that....I'm not sure about this but I think women are ok with it because I'm an attractive male well people say above the normal attractive male I'm not trying to talk highly about my self I actually speak very negative about myself that's a whole different problem...I just want to know is what I'm doing wrong why is it that I can't stop I do try I say look away God doesn't like it, and for the most part it works give me some advice please


A casual look, and "Good Morning" is inoffensive, and can be pleasant, if done politely.

Staring, and making personal observations about my person are presumptuous, rude, and very bad manners. Behavior like that is not complimentary, to the contrary, it is insulting.

I don't care how attractive you think are, or how captivating I happen to be.



herestoresmysoul -> RE: checking out women (11/2/2009 4:19:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BelleWeather

quote:

ORIGINAL: johnbegood

Yes I'm a man

I want the help of women that's why I posted here I have a problem well I thinks it's a problem all though my Pastor says it's not he says that's the way men are wired and it's better than if I was checking out men and I shouldn't worry to much about it

Anyways my problem is that I can't stop looking at women I love to look at pretty woman sometimes I might even comment nothing dirty something like nice hair, I'm not trying to be a pig but I have to tell you that you look beautiful something like that....I'm not sure about this but I think women are ok with it because I'm an attractive male well people say above the normal attractive male I'm not trying to talk highly about my self I actually speak very negative about myself that's a whole different problem...I just want to know is what I'm doing wrong why is it that I can't stop I do try I say look away God doesn't like it, and for the most part it works give me some advice please


A casual look, and "Good Morning" is inoffensive, and can be pleasant, if done politely.

Staring, and making personal observations about my person are presumptuous, rude, and very bad manners. Behavior like that is not complimentary, to the contrary, it is insulting.

I don't care how attractive you think are, or how captivating I happen to be.


Amen. Noticing someone attractive is different from constantly staring at women and making comments at them.
One of the things that I love so much about my husband is that he doesn't do this. He wont stare at women, especially if they are dressed immodestly and would never dream of saying ANYTHING of that nature to any woman (unless it was me.lol)
Of course a few women like this sort of attention, but that still dosnt make it right to give them what they want.
Most women do not want a boyfriend or husband who cant stop looking at other women, and if went up to them and told them how pretty they were (or whatever it may be) he had better watch out.So maybe learn to stop doing it now while you have time to learn. You REALLY CAN stop doing this, you are not helpless.



SSPearl -> RE: checking out women (11/6/2009 11:17:40 AM)

It is how God created you or wired you. However it is where you go with those thoughts is where you need to be careful. Your single that may be how things will be till you find the one God has for you. If it bothers you then ask God to help you with this issue and or maybe see a counselor.
God Bless.[:)]



ladybug71 -> RE: checking out women (12/3/2009 4:45:31 PM)

I can recommend a good book for you and you can decide for yourself. I recently read "Every Woman's Battle", and followed it up with "Every Man's Battle". I would recommend the second book highly, as I learned alot myself. I dated my first husband for 8 years before marriage and we were married for 9 years. He was a "looker" and after made the "all men" excuses. Read the book and hopefully you will change your mind. Sadly today the women are dressing more inappropriate and seem to act unlady like. Makes it hard for a man, but the battle can be won!



KIG877 -> RE: checking out women (12/26/2009 8:43:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: johnbegood

Yes I'm a man

I want the help of women that's why I posted here I have a problem well I thinks it's a problem all though my Pastor says it's not he says that's the way men are wired and it's better than if I was checking out men and I shouldn't worry to much about it

Anyways my problem is that I can't stop looking at women I love to look at pretty woman sometimes I might even comment nothing dirty something like nice hair, I'm not trying to be a pig but I have to tell you that you look beautiful something like that....I'm not sure about this but I think women are ok with it because I'm an attractive male well people say above the normal attractive male I'm not trying to talk highly about my self I actually speak very negative about myself that's a whole different problem...I just want to know is what I'm doing wrong why is it that I can't stop I do try I say look away God doesn't like it, and for the most part it works give me some advice please

are you lusting after them or just looking ,if your sinlge and like to look at pretty women ,in a sense of how beautiful god created them I don't think there nothing wrong with that,because godly woman are beautiful,its the inner beauty that makes them that way



KIG877 -> RE: checking out women (12/26/2009 8:49:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: herestoresmysoul

I think from you post that you arent married. if you were, your wife would almost certianly not want you to be always looking at attractive women and telling them how attractive they are or whatever it is. That would be very hurtful for her.
Most men are attracted to the way women look, but at the same time are not helpless to stop doing it, or at least not stare or make any comment. I guess a lot depends on who the woman is. If she is a girlfriend, it is appropriate to say nice things. if she is married or you dont really know her, then it isnt. She may get the worng impression if you keep complimentimng her. She may think you are wanting to go out with her or are flirting.
So my thoughts are that you cant help noticing an attractive woman, but you can control how long you look and what you say (or dont say). Also if you want to get married one day, you may as well start practising now to stop staring and keeping your mouth shut!!!
When you marry your wife should be your standard of beauty, and she wont usually appreciate you telling other women how attractive they are.

amen sister, you are so right!



cyndelu -> RE: checking out women (12/26/2009 11:52:57 PM)

I have always been considered to be beautiful, even though I think I'm just ok. I do not like men or women for that matter starring at me. If I notice a man starring at me I begin to feel very uncomfortable. If he adds a smile, i feel more uncomfortable.
I enjoy a look with a smile and a hello,but moves those eyes someplace else!



tz3 -> RE: checking out women (1/1/2010 3:34:09 PM)

I don't think there is anything wrong unless it makes the other person uncomfortable. Then it should be rained in some. There is this guy in my choir that is a lot like this. I was new to the group and thought he was hitting on me because no one else was doing this, but then again I had things going on in my life that made me more sensitive then I should have been, and that is my point your never going to know what the other person is going through at the time.

I wouldn't worry about it unless:

you don't look women in the eye when speaking to them
you overly compliment and wink to where she feels like your flirting with her
you give preferential treatment to someone who looks nice over someone who is plain or ugly

Then I would say you have some training to do; other wise just be yourself and if you do accidentally make someone uncomfortable then adjust and/or apologize but don't worry about it most likely it is not you it's them.



herestoresmysoul -> RE: checking out women (1/2/2010 7:19:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tz3

I don't think there is anything wrong unless it makes the other person uncomfortable. Then it should be rained in some. There is this guy in my choir that is a lot like this. I was new to the group and thought he was hitting on me because no one else was doing this, but then again I had things going on in my life that made me more sensitive then I should have been, and that is my point your never going to know what the other person is going through at the time.

I wouldn't worry about it unless:

you don't look women in the eye when speaking to them
you overly compliment and wink to where she feels like your flirting with her
you give preferential treatment to someone who looks nice over someone who is plain or ugly

Then I would say you have some training to do; other wise just be yourself and if you do accidentally make someone uncomfortable then adjust and/or apologize but don't worry about it most likely it is not you it's them.


I think that a large number of men give preferential treatment to women ahe are more physically attarctive.For examle they are more likely to stop at crossings to let them cross the road. More likely to give them jobs. More likely to favour them in many ways over women who are more 'normal'.Its sad and I wish they didint do it but they do.



car2ner -> RE: checking out women (1/2/2010 7:23:29 AM)

quote:

I think that a large number of men give preferential treatment to women ahe are more physically attarctive.For examle they are more likely to stop at crossings to let them cross the road. More likely to give them jobs. More likely to favour them in many ways over women who are more 'normal'.Its sad and I wish they didint do it but they do.


I've seen television news "articles" and the tendency is to give preferencial treatment to attractive people in general. Since this is the way of the world, I do keep it in mind when I go out. It is one thing to look attractive, it is another thing to dress to appeal to someone's lust.

But this is really a bunny trail off of the original OP. I wonder how she is doing?



LivingParadox -> RE: checking out women (1/2/2010 5:26:37 PM)

A glance, occasionally ...not a huge deal. Constant staring with every woman that walks by....we need to talk.



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