Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman?

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bricole77 -> Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/29/2009 4:41:27 PM)
I am ready to start going out and doing things again but I never get asked out. I was thinking maybe it's just a vibe I put off or something. It used to happen just randomly, at the mall, grocery store or wherever but it seems to be less and less these days:( So I was wondering what kinds of things make you want to ask a girl out?

jhuperetes -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/29/2009 6:12:15 PM)
What used to happen randomly at the mall and grocery store?

Bryanfromiowa -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/29/2009 6:46:58 PM)
For me I never ask out a complete stranger. I always know the woman a little from church a community activity or through friends. Maybe i get fewer dates than my bolder counter parts but i'm ok with that. Beyond that women who make eye contact, are interested enough to make small talk and want to get to know me a little are the women i ask out

bricole77 -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/29/2009 7:10:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jhuperetes What used to happen randomly at the mall and grocery store? Getting asked out:)

trainfan -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/30/2009 3:38:59 PM)
I have always been more one to observe a woman before asking her out rather than asking out women at random. So for me she has to be attractive to me that includes her attitude and actions in fact that may have more to do with it than looks. That's why I tend to be an observe her first. If does not treat others well, has an unfriendly or standoffish attitude she is immediately out of any consideration with me no matter how pretty she is. Now if she is friendly, approachable, considerate, treats others well and is attractive (to me) physically then it depends on whether or not we seem to connect when I talk to her.

jhuperetes -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/30/2009 3:51:53 PM)
bricole77, think about what insight the men have of you, who ask you out in a mall or grocery store. Unless they know you from somewhere else, there is only one thing they can take into consideration. Knowing that, you have to answer if that is the kind of men you want to date.

bricole77 -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/31/2009 11:02:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jhuperetes bricole77, think about what insight the men have of you, who ask you out in a mall or grocery store. Unless they know you from somewhere else, there is only one thing they can take into consideration. Knowing that, you have to answer if that is the kind of men you want to date. Well I'm not sure. Are you saying if a stranger asks a woman out he has ulterior motives? Other than that I don't go out and at church I'm really quiet so I think (and hope) that has some to do with never getting asked out.

jhuperetes -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/31/2009 7:11:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bricole77 quote: ORIGINAL: jhuperetes bricole77, think about what insight the men have of you, who ask you out in a mall or grocery store. Unless they know you from somewhere else, there is only one thing they can take into consideration. Knowing that, you have to answer if that is the kind of men you want to date. Well I'm not sure. Are you saying if a stranger asks a woman out he has ulterior motives? If a man has never spoken to you before and just saw you in the mall and grocery store, the only reason he is asking you out because you shop organic...[sm=silly.gif] Of course he is only asking you because he things you are physically attractive! It is not because he sees you as a faithful Christian woman! It is not because of your intelligence! It is not even because he thinks you are marriage material. He has zero idea who you are. So... what are you to him? Caveat - It is possible the person saw you at ... church, or at Bible study, or... the possibility is there, but the probability is very low. You can find this out in 30 seconds after they approach you... Let me ask you a follow up question. Do you want to date men who ask you out primarily because of your looks?

SamsonUSA -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/31/2009 7:12:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bricole77 I am ready to start going out and doing things again but I never get asked out. I was thinking maybe it's just a vibe I put off or something. It used to happen just randomly, at the mall, grocery store or wherever but it seems to be less and less these days:( So I was wondering what kinds of things make you want to ask a girl out? I laughed out loud when I read this. Due to my hectic schedule (full time ministry/personal trainer/grad student) I do all of my grocery shopping late at night. I have had women walk up to me in the meat or produce section and strike up a conversation by asking me questions such as "which foods would you recommend that would be healthy for me to eat?" A gas station is another random place that I have met people. Back in March I felt led to basically take the rest of the year off from dating so that I may focus on things of higher importance, so at least for two more months I am out of the loop, so to speak.[;)] To get back to the question of the OP when I am interested in dating the things that would lead me to want to ask someone out are fairly simple. I would expect to feel a connection or spark after spending some time chatting with them for the first time. We'd need to share common interests. She would have to be gentle and kind, and love children. (I don't have children but if she had a couple that would be great) She would have a love for the downtrodden and all of God's children in general. She would display this love for others through her servants heart, by her actions, not lip service. Of course first and foremost she would have to an active, ongoing, relationship with Jesus Christ which grows stronger each day. Other things that would lead me to being interested: She enjoys being active, fitness, and taking care of herself. She doesn't have to look anything like a model. (she wouldn't anyway after a few dinners out with me [;)]) Like everyone else I enjoy movie nights at home also but professional couch potatoes and I would not have much in common. I'd be interested if she had a love for the outdoors, since I love being in the mountains and taking roadtrips home to the beach. Also she should be spontaneous, romantic, and courteous. Overly loud women and those who insist on being the center of the universe need not apply.

jhuperetes -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/31/2009 7:26:39 PM)
<facetiousness on> SamsonUSA, do you ever feel "connection and spark" happen between the frozen pizza and cheese section? Or, would you recognize her "love for the downtrodden" as she picks between purple versus white onions? </off> bricole77, I hope you see how SamsonUSA would not be able to keep to his preferences if he just walked up to a complete stranger... quote: ORIGINAL: SamsonUSA [...] I would expect to feel a connection or spark after spending some time chatting with them for the first time. We'd need to share common interests. She would have to be gentle and kind, and love children. (I don't have children but if she had a couple that would be great) She would have a love for the downtrodden and all of God's children in general. She would display this love for others through her servants heart, by her actions, not lip service. Of course first and foremost she would have to an active, ongoing, relationship with Jesus Christ which grows stronger each day. Other things that would lead me to being interested: She enjoys being active, fitness, and taking care of herself. She doesn't have to look anything like a model. (she wouldn't anyway after a few dinners out with me [;)]) Like everyone else I enjoy movie nights at home also but professional couch potatoes and I would not have much in common. I'd be interested if she had a love for the outdoors, since I love being in the mountains and taking roadtrips home to the beach. Also she should be spontaneous, romantic, and courteous. Overly loud women and those who insist on being the center of the universe need not apply.

SamsonUSA -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/31/2009 8:02:25 PM)
quote: facetiousness on> SamsonUSA, do you ever feel "connection and spark" happen between the frozen pizza and cheese section? Or, would you recognize her "love for the downtrodden" as she picks between purple versus white onions? And after 11pm at night? Funny stuff... Jhup wrote.. quote: bricole77, I hope you see how SamsonUSA would not be able to keep to his preferences if he just walked up to a complete stranger... Where did I mention anything relating to my walking up to a complete stranger? You are obviously confused here. What I said was quote: I would expect to feel a connection or spark after spending some time chatting with them for the first time Spending some time chatting with them means there would be several conversations to explore what we may have in common before there was a date request.

jhuperetes -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/31/2009 8:07:18 PM)
We are on the same page SamsonUSA.[sm=biggrin.gif] I am saying the same thing. You did not say that, and I pointed it out to bricole77. I am lifting you up as a prime example of how an honorable man would "approach" a lady.[:)] I am saying that the men who approach her in the malls and grocery stores without truly knowing her, do have a very simple, basic, and sadly ulterior motive...

SamsonUSA -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/31/2009 8:40:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jhuperetes We are on the same page SamsonUSA.[sm=biggrin.gif] I am saying the same thing. You did not say that, and I pointed it out to bricole77. I am lifting you up as a prime example of how an honorable man would "approach" a lady.[:)] I am saying that the men who approach her in the malls and grocery stores without truly knowing her, do have a very simple, basic, and sadly ulterior motive... I apologize jhuperetes. I misread your reply.

jhuperetes -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (10/31/2009 9:48:03 PM)
No worries.[sm=chef.gif]

bricole77 -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/1/2009 10:50:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jhuperetes quote: ORIGINAL: bricole77 quote: ORIGINAL: jhuperetes bricole77, think about what insight the men have of you, who ask you out in a mall or grocery store. Unless they know you from somewhere else, there is only one thing they can take into consideration. Knowing that, you have to answer if that is the kind of men you want to date. Well I'm not sure. Are you saying if a stranger asks a woman out he has ulterior motives? If a man has never spoken to you before and just saw you in the mall and grocery store, the only reason he is asking you out because you shop organic...[sm=silly.gif] Of course he is only asking you because he things you are physically attractive! It is not because he sees you as a faithful Christian woman! It is not because of your intelligence! It is not even because he thinks you are marriage material. He has zero idea who you are. So... what are you to him? Caveat - It is possible the person saw you at ... church, or at Bible study, or... the possibility is there, but the probability is very low. You can find this out in 30 seconds after they approach you... Let me ask you a follow up question. Do you want to date men who ask you out primarily because of your looks? No of course not. I think I'm just a romantic at heart and hope that the man of my dreams will just randomly pop in my life. You know we were at the grocery store, our carts hit each other, love at first sight... lol. And I hope that there's a guy out there that will see me and yes find me attractive but once he talks to me be drawn to more. I can be pretty charming when I want to be:)

bricole77 -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/1/2009 10:55:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SamsonUSA quote: ORIGINAL: bricole77 I am ready to start going out and doing things again but I never get asked out. I was thinking maybe it's just a vibe I put off or something. It used to happen just randomly, at the mall, grocery store or wherever but it seems to be less and less these days:( So I was wondering what kinds of things make you want to ask a girl out? I laughed out loud when I read this. Due to my hectic schedule (full time ministry/personal trainer/grad student) I do all of my grocery shopping late at night. I have had women walk up to me in the meat or produce section and strike up a conversation by asking me questions such as "which foods would you recommend that would be healthy for me to eat?" A gas station is another random place that I have met people. Back in March I felt led to basically take the rest of the year off from dating so that I may focus on things of higher importance, so at least for two more months I am out of the loop, so to speak.[;)] To get back to the question of the OP when I am interested in dating the things that would lead me to want to ask someone out are fairly simple. I would expect to feel a connection or spark after spending some time chatting with them for the first time. We'd need to share common interests. She would have to be gentle and kind, and love children. (I don't have children but if she had a couple that would be great) She would have a love for the downtrodden and all of God's children in general. She would display this love for others through her servants heart, by her actions, not lip service. Of course first and foremost she would have to an active, ongoing, relationship with Jesus Christ which grows stronger each day. Other things that would lead me to being interested: She enjoys being active, fitness, and taking care of herself. Me. She doesn't have to look anything like a model. (she wouldn't anyway after a few dinners out with me [;)]) Like everyone else I enjoy movie nights at home also but professional couch potatoes and I would not have much in common. I'd be interested if she had a love for the outdoors, since I love being in the mountains and taking roadtrips home to the beach. Also she should be spontaneous, romantic, and courteous. Even more me:) Overly loud women and those who insist on being the center of the universe need not apply. I guess I am just wondering where the christian men are in this. I get asked out by enough worldy men. I think maybe they just take a look at me and don't give me a chance.

jn1010lf -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/1/2009 9:39:37 PM)
Hello bricole77 Well, if I were single, there would be many reason why I would ask a woman out. First, I would want to see some reaction to me from her. Maybe a smile or an interested look. Typically, I would want to have some knowledge of her. If I hardly knew her at all, I might try to meet her for coffee, preferably during the day. Now if we connected, I would need no reason to ask her out. It would then be the natural thing to do.

rockominal -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/2/2009 3:34:39 AM)
Maybe all the Christian guys are latching up on chicks and getting married to them before this society gets even more bizarre.

shilo45318 -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/3/2009 12:08:45 PM)
My mother, she said, "Diane is a nice girl, now you ask her out." [:D] That was 30 years ago. Other than that one time I need to spend time and get to know a woman before I will ask her out. When I ask a woman out I want there to be more to it than "Me Tarzon, you Jane, lets get together"

Enoch195 -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/4/2009 11:44:21 AM)
To be honest, I don't think I've ever asked out a girl in person. It takes a lot of guts on my part. So to answer your question... it just make be that guys make look at you and feel: 1. Not good enough for you so why bother. 2. Take one good look at you and think... hmm... she's pretty... likely has a boyfriend already. 3. Are way too nervous and afraid of rejection.

bricole77 -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/4/2009 1:03:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shilo45318 My mother, she said, "Diane is a nice girl, now you ask her out." [:D] That was 30 years ago. Other than that one time I need to spend time and get to know a woman before I will ask her out. When I ask a woman out I want there to be more to it than "Me Tarzon, you Jane, lets get together" Lol that's hillarious.[:D]

bricole77 -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/4/2009 1:05:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Enoch195 To be honest, I don't think I've ever asked out a girl in person. It takes a lot of guts on my part. So to answer your question... it just make be that guys make look at you and feel: 1. Not good enough for you so why bother. 2. Take one good look at you and think... hmm... she's pretty... likely has a boyfriend already. 3. Are way too nervous and afraid of rejection. Okay So maybe I need to do the asking out. I just am old fashioned and feel like the boy should. But this is the 21st century. So maybe I will start doing the asking and risk (gasp) rejection.

ajlewis -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/7/2009 7:15:05 AM)
quote: I was wondering what kinds of things make you want to ask a girl out? 2 things: 1) we would have to have something substantial in common. 2) at no time does she say "...just friends, please"

Gigem08 -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/8/2009 2:13:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bricole77 quote: ORIGINAL: Enoch195 To be honest, I don't think I've ever asked out a girl in person. It takes a lot of guts on my part. So to answer your question... it just make be that guys make look at you and feel: 1. Not good enough for you so why bother. 2. Take one good look at you and think... hmm... she's pretty... likely has a boyfriend already. 3. Are way too nervous and afraid of rejection. Okay So maybe I need to do the asking out. I just am old fashioned and feel like the boy should. But this is the 21st century. So maybe I will start doing the asking and risk (gasp) rejection. Bricole, I completely agree with Samson here. I, like you am fairly old-fashioned (ask parents first, do the asking myself kinda stuff). One thing to keep in mind if you do decide to ask some guy out, if you led the relationship in its infancy (of course he can begin to lead later if he is able) because he didn't have the guts to ask you out, how will he man up and lead your marriage? What kind of ministries are you involved in? A little philosophy I like to follow is this: Run after Christ as hard as you can (in ministries and life in general), then look to your left and right and see who is running with/next to you. That person is probably going to be a good match.

jhuperetes -> RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? (11/8/2009 3:48:28 PM)
Maybe instead of asking someone directly out, approach them and get to know them. Just chat about stuff a few times. It is not as emasculating to some, and gives the man the opportunity to ask you out. He will either get the hint, or he is too thick, or scared for you anyway... Just a thought.

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