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marriage in trouble? - 8/1/2008 5:50:03 PM
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Godseeker1234
Posts: 2
Joined: 8/1/2008
Status: offline
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Hi
I feel like my new marriage is in trouble, and I tried so hard to make it go. He is moody and doesn't always express what is on his mind. He becomes remote and silent yet remains respectful. We are both Christians and it is not our first time around the block. I want to do what I can to save our marriage. But the spirit of fear/jealousy is strong, I find I am lowering myself to sneaking around his stuff and now it seems he goes on single dating sites again { he did that before we were married}. The big problem is I can't cope with the idea that I am not loved by him { he doesn't say it , its his way}. If he shows it is fine, but not even that these days. My heart is racing, my appetite is gone, and my bowels are in overtime, how do I calm myself down so I can do whats right to preserve this relationship?
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RE: marriage in trouble? - 8/1/2008 6:32:26 PM
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mrsmatt323
Posts: 16
Joined: 6/21/2008
From: I'm a South Jersey girl living in PA
Status: offline
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I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've only been married for four months and I'm going through the same exact thing. Only my husband told me he has no feelings for me and he isn't sure he wants to be married but yet he wants me to stay. He shows no affection, he hardly talks to me. He says he has nothing to say to me yet the texts his female friends all day long and tries to hide it from me. He also hides the computer screen from me now too. I've been doing my best to show him I love him and I want to be with him but he's just a stone - doesn't respond and doesn't show anything in return.
I'm clueless.
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RE: marriage in trouble? - 8/1/2008 8:27:14 PM
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Skyprincess
Posts: 2
Joined: 6/25/2008
Status: offline
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Hi there,
Wow, I feel like I am the ONLY one going through something like this....I have been married for nine months now. This a second marriage for both of us. He has 4 children from his prior marriage, and I have one from my first marriage. And......I am six months pregnant. Normally, that would be great, however, my marriage is in shambles!! It started after two months...I am in so much despair over this. I am sure some of it is my hormones from pregnancy, but the most devestating thing is I feel like I am alone in this marriage and pregnancy. He has been mentally, and emotionally abusive to me. He has used personal situations that I shared with him that have happened to me, only to throw them in my face, and constantly remind me of them, when he is angry. I cry so much my stomach hurts...I am six months pregnant, and I have gained only seven pds....not good. I don't eat right, I forget to eat most of the time, b/c I am consumed with the misery I am in. The weird thing is, he says I am the love of his life, beautiful, wonderful, precious, etc. one minute, and then tears me down the next. I am so confused at this point about myself on all levels, as a woman, a mother, a wife, a friend, etc....He tells me I can't make it without him, that I am not self sufficient, that I am totally dependant on him. I am a flight attendant by career choice. I have had this job for 14 years, and always considered myself productive, respoonsible, outgoing.....now I don't know what to think or believe anymore. I am dreading giving birth to this baby...awful as it sounds. I have no plans to allow him to be there for the birth of this child. He has made my pregnancy a living hell and I cannot forgive that. I was divorced for eight years before remarrying him. I considered myself a very good judge of character with people. I was very upfront with him about what I needed and wanted in a mate / husband. He was everything I had prayed for , for so long, and I truly believed at one time that he was sent to me by God. Now, I am suspicous....perhaps it was Satan himself. I feel like I am being punished. I wanted nothing more than to have a beautiful marriage and blended family. I really care for his children, but I feel complete and total anxiety when they come to visit. I dread it, and not b/c of them....it is b/c of him. I feel like I have been mislead and decieved. We have been going to a Christian counselor for 3 months now, and he is awesome. I did not realize until a recent phone call from him, that he sees right through my husband. He has conveyed to me that he feels that my husband is manipulative, controlling, emotionally and mentally abusive to me. I was astounded that he saw these traits, b/c he turns on the charm around others....We are scheduled to attend a marriage intensive 3 day weekend in September, supposedly this does miracles for most couples.....98 percent success rate........I don't know if I can make it that long. I don't want to be married to him. He is not who or what I thought he was. Everything that I was upfront with him about during courtship ie: things I could or could not live with out or accept, expectations, etc are now a problem for him. I just feel such anxiety right now. We fight all of the time. Our fights last for no leass than 10 days.....that's right...ten days. No kidding. We may have 3-5 days where we just basically avoid eachother therefore we are able to "get along", but then the cycle starts again. I am very, very tired emotionally, as well as confused. I never imagined my life like this. I was very outgoing, active and soical b/f him. Now I do nothing. We don't do things together anymore, and I am so lonely. I feel a desperation that I have not every felt. It's like I want back what I thought I had, but never really truly had with him.....make sense.....????? Please offer advice if you have any......I truly don't know what to do.
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RE: marriage in trouble? - 8/2/2008 12:12:17 AM
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loveleee
Posts: 79
Joined: 6/6/2008
From: Southern Gal
Status: offline
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Me and my husband (both Christians) had a bad first 2 years of marriage. The first year was horrible, not showing love, fighting DAILY, lying to each other, wanting to leave each other. The second year we actually starting talking to each other. We learned that is best to talk things out and try to fix what the other has a problem with. Sounds simple but I know it isnt, I had to wait on him till he was ready to try to fix our marriage- I couldn't force him. We are going on the fourth year of marriage and our love for each other is soooo strong and marriage is a blessing to us now. I look back and realize that even though we are both christian we left out Jesus from our lives. Neither one of us went to him for answers and for guidance during the first year, we were too caught up in ourselves. Please look UP for answers and pray hard for guidance. Jesus taught me that I needed to change before my husband would. I had to be the example for him.
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RE: marriage in trouble? - 8/2/2008 5:11:04 PM
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purplepearl
Posts: 14
Joined: 8/2/2008
Status: offline
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Read Tough Love by James Dobson and get into counseling for yourself. You can take complete control of your own marriage by working on yourself. Stop needing anything from him. If you think your marriage is in trouble it is. Work on yourself first. Pray and ask God to revel to you how YOU need to change for your husband. Even if he is in the wrong and it takes all of you, fight for your marriage by working on yourself and let him off the hook. He will come around.
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