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old feelings - 9/11/2008 8:14:04 PM
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indianmadison
Posts: 1
Joined: 9/11/2008
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hi,
i don't know where to start.... i have been married for only 3 months and im having trouble forgetting my first and only relationship (before my husband) that lasted 5 years before i met my husband. i met my husband during the time i was still with my boyfriend. nothing happend during that time, but in short i ended the relationship with the first guy, and a year later now im married to my husband. It seems so right during that time b/c i felt that this was God's will for me....he is such a wonderful person. a great christian leader, and i know that this is God's will for me, but i don't understand why its so hard to forget my first love. I know it is so wrong and i want to stop missing him and thinking about him, but it keeps coming back to me. i know that this is destroying my marriage. i know im hurting my husband so much and im hurting myself. I go to sleep with tears almost every night b/c i can't stop thinking about the memeories i formed with my first relationship. i keep feeling that the love we had, not just being in love, but the love we had was so real. before i got marriage i knew that love is a decision and im trying so hard to love my husband. b/c he is so wonderful i thought after sometime that i will and he will olove me back....but it hasn't been that way. we fight all the time. we don't seem to communicate at all. sometimes i wish i would go to sleep and wake up a year before and it was all a dream and i would change everything and stay with my first guy. i know this is so wrong. i know that im hurting God so much with this. I pray about this every single chance i get. i beg God to help me forget those old feelings, to love and be 100% faithful to my husband and i know He hears. I know that one of the reasons its so hard is b/c i was with him for 5 years....PLease give me some advice. How do i let go? how can i love only my husband.
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RE: old feelings - 9/11/2008 8:28:03 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6050
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Do you have any contact at all with this other guy?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: old feelings - 9/11/2008 8:47:44 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1914
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In God's eyes the man you are married to is THE man for you. Commit to that. God knows and His ways are best. Cast down the thoughts that challenge what you know is God's best for you. satan will send lying thought after lying thought after lying thought to you. You have to cast them down and believe. God knows best. Your husband IS the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. Amen. Bless you dear one.
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RE: old feelings - 9/11/2008 9:04:10 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 1774
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
Do you have any contact at all with this other guy?
If you do, stop it! If you don't good. Keep it that way.
You need to know that you CAN stop thinking about him. At the very least, it's your flesh you're indulging with these thoughts; at worst, it's Satan - either way you do have the power (through the Holy Spirit) to have victory in this area. I'm not just trying to be encouraging - this isn't just some great gift of God that we can take our thoughts captive...it's a command of God.
Start with this: 2 Corinthians 10:5 - Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.
And then look up all of these....
1Chronicles 28:9, Psalms 26:2, Isaiah 26:3, Jeremiah 17:10, Lamentations 3:21, Matthew 22:37, Luke 12:29, Romans 8:6-7, Romans 12:2, Ephesians 2:3, Ephesians 4:17, Ephesians 4:23, Philipians 3:19, Colosians 3:2, 2Thessalonians 2:2, 2Timothy 1:7, 1Peter 1:13
You are not held captive by your own mind.
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RE: old feelings - 9/11/2008 9:08:49 PM
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peacebearer
Posts: 20
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it might help if you also thought about why you left the first guy for your husband?
_____________________________
"For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain" Philippians 1: 21
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RE: old feelings - 9/11/2008 10:18:08 PM
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truthrevealed
Posts: 329
Joined: 12/6/2007
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Personally, I think that much of the "influence" these desires/feelings have on you will be lessened by realizing that you're not the only one. It's human....... but it certainly isn't productive. Don't negate your prayers to God by allowing yourself to be captivated by memories. It's an illusion. You've probably heard that before and I can imagine you feel..."I know that the grass isn't truly greener.....but tell that to my emotions". What you're going thru has NOT ONE THING to do with your ex IMO!!! Thoughts of him and your relationship is providing a temporary (and not very effective) "filling" of your soul which could be wounded from issues that have nothing to do with your ex or your current husband.
Don't expect that something magical will happen as you pray to God. You must still make a DECISION, and a firm one, that you won't keep tormenting yourself with what has past and that you'll work with God about what's ***REALLY*** behind your longings. (The feelings may not subside for a while but nothing is as powerful as a decision).
I can testify that God will strengthen you for the fight, He understands and sympathizes with your struggles and He wants you to trust HIM to provide you with what you need.
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RE: old feelings - 9/11/2008 11:13:32 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1903
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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Feelings take time to work through. As your life goes on, your feelings for the first guy will fade. If you are fantacizing about the first guy, the feelings will not fade and you will never give your marriage a chance.
Grab yourself by the back of the collar (not literally but in your mind) and tell yourself, "I am married to _____ and I vowed to forsake all others and I REFUSE to even think about _____ (first guy). Everytime he comes to mind I'll say "He's gone" and mentally sweep him away with a broom." Keep doing this - it will take a while - and don't think about him. Sweep him away, over and over. After a while it won't be so hard.
I'd like to suggest you thinking about him is mental adultery. Stop it. Ask your husband's forgiveness and determine to do everything for him. Love will come if we act like we're in love.
God bless you, dear heart. I am praying for you today. (((Hugs)))
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: old feelings - 9/12/2008 6:37:46 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 2944
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
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quote:
What you're going thru has NOT ONE THING to do with your ex IMO!!!
this may be very insightful. If you are having a hard time getting settled with your husband, it is natural to fantasize about
"what could have been".
One thing that draws couples together is getting thru hardship together (ouch but true). If you could find away to attack this together instead of each other, it may build your marriage oddly enough.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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